


Draumr

by WoodiestComic



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Abandonment, Angst, Dark, Dark Tony Stark, Eventual dark Tony, F/M, Gen, Insanity, Magic!Tony, Mind Manipulation, Not Thor: The Dark World Compliant, Post-Avengers (2012), Refrences to the Merchant of Death, Science Bros, Slow Build, Slow Burn, The chituari, Tony Feels, Tony Needs a Hug, Tony Stark Has Trust Issues, Tony has magic, Tony-centric, Trust Issues
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-13
Updated: 2018-08-19
Packaged: 2018-11-13 17:54:50
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 45,361
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11190297
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WoodiestComic/pseuds/WoodiestComic
Summary: Loki’s punishment for his crimes against the kingdom of Asgard and Midgard is spending the rest of his life in the dungeons without his magic. But magic is an ancient force, and will always find a way to ensure its own survival. Desperately in need of a host, it travels through space and time in search for the last person it touched before Loki’s capture: Tony Stark.With newfound powers and memories out of place, Tony’s life quickly spirals into chaos. Bent under the pressure of darker forces, will his mind finally break under the pressure? Will this be the end of Iron Man?





	1. Chapter 1

The others had tried talking to him about it. Fury had dug for information, but Tony had just told them all that he went in with the missile and blacked out before he could even register where he was. He didn’t tell them about the cold that had seized him upon entry, nor the giant alien ship floating towards him. He didn’t tell them about the feeling of weightlessness and loss, or the aching pain in his chest when his last phone call was declined, thought that might have been the feeling of his lungs constricting for air. The way JARVIS’ soft voice glitched as he said the words “I am sorry, sir…”  
  
Tony could remember the way his throat felt like bricks were on top of it as he replied, “S’okay Jarvis. Not your fault”. The pause before he added a barely audible “Goodbye, J”.   
  
He hadn’t heard JARVIS’ reply, if there was one at all that is, before the lack of air finally forced him into unconsciousness. It felt worse than drowning…

Then he’d woken up to an enraged roar from the Hulk. His vision was speckled with white grains as his lungs seemingly got a life for their own, taking in as much air as possible without pause. It had felt like minutes passed (though he’d later learned it was only a few seconds) as all he could do was repeat a silent mantra of “I’m alive” over and over in his head. Like he had to force himself to believe it.

Tony looked down at his hands. He had to tighten them into fists to make them stop shaking like leaves. His emotions were running wild inside him. Anger and loss and fear were all fighting each other inside him to get the top spot. Yet every time he tried to reach for one of them, all he could feel was emptiness. A painful black hole inside his chest that refused to be filled. He had tried his best to hide it from the other Avengers, but he doubted he could hide _anything_ from Natasha bloody Romanof.

“What the hell did I do to deserve this?” He sighed, if only to get the question off his chest.

“Well, you did spend a majority of your life making weapons that killed a bunch of people while you used the money you earned to party like an animal” Tony chuckled at his own self-lecture. Talking to himself wasn’t something he worried about, at least not anymore. A habit he’d had his whole life that increased while wandering the desert all alone after committing mass-homicide.

“Yeah… but the parties were fun!” The defence was only half-hearted and ended with his face buried in his hands as he leant against the balcony of the tower. He didn’t cry. Starks do not cry, first lesson his father ever taught him. An aching lump taking shape in his throat.

“God, I am such a mess” He told himself, voice muffled by his hands. His chest felt suddenly too tight over his lungs, the terrible feeling of emptiness filling him once again. Tony gritted his teeth, refusing to let his body succumb to panic.

He didn’t know how long he ended up standing there, just staring down at his hands. Every now and then a cold breeze would brush past him. His spine would shiver, but he would never move. The city that never sleeps was a good name, Tony thought while he listened to the angry honking of impatient taxi drivers. After the attack nine months ago, New York was still in chaos. Buildings were being rebuilt or torn down with promises of building something new and better in its place. A lot of schools were still shut down and traffic was unpredictable (thought that wasn’t much of a change in Tony’s opinion).

He sighed, casting an accusing glance towards the sky before going to look down at his hands again. However, he never got back to his hands, as his neck froze mid motion when he looked up at the star sprinkled darkness above him. Something was… moving? What at first looked like a strange green star was darting across the sky, leaving a long and elegant tail in its wake as it moved. It took Tony a couple of seconds to understand that it was definitely not a shooting star. Could it be some sort of UFO? Another invasion? Tony backed up a bit, if only to get a better over-look. He forced his heartbeat to calm at the thought of another invasion. A panic attack would be absolutely unacceptable.

He was just wondering if the star-like light was growing when it hit him- literally.

Tony was thrown back by the sheer force of the light slamming into his chest at full speed. The back of his skull slammed painfully into the gravelled floor, and Tony didn’t even want to _think_ about what the suspicious crack from his back could be. As it turned out, he didn’t have to think about it as whatever hit him _seeped into his chest_. Ice spread through his body in waves while everything became numb. When he tried to move his arms, he might as well have tried to lift the Hulk. His body was completely immobilized and- oh God! He could feel it moving inside his chest like a cold worm wiggling in his flesh. It curled around his arc reactor, poking and prodding at it. Then it… melted? Tony couldn’t describe it. What had felt like a solid force slithering around inside his rib cage evaporated, but he could still feel it, spreading through his body like someone had dunked him in water. It covered him, merged itself into his cells. Tony was panicking. The _thing_ was consuming him! Oh god- he was dying!

Energy crackled in his skin, spreading through his body like the blood in his veins. The world was spinning out of control before Tony’s very eyes. Stars became strange lines in the sky, the ground beneath him rumbled and the wind- no the universe, filled with music.

Tony could feel the energetic force spreading throughout his brain, which didn’t make much sense, he told himself. The brain doesn’t have nerves, it can’t feel anything so why…

He never got to finish that through before the world welt black around him.

_The stars were small speckles of light in the distance, too far away for him to recognize. He was floating through endless space, which was funny because there wasn’t supposed to be any gravity in the middle of space. Yet the sensation of falling clawed at his body, pulling him down further. He didn’t want that… didn’t want to be pulled down._

_Tony didn’t know how he got here. His brain couldn’t make sense of what was happening. It felt like he’d been here forever. Just floating endlessly through space._

_Shouldn’t he be dead? He wasn’t wearing his armour, nor any other equipment for space travel. Yet here he was, not breathing but existing. Such a strange sensation, and wonderful, if it hadn’t been for the complete apathy._

_Wrong_

_-Wrong!_

_- **Wrong!**_

_He wasn’t supposed to be here, he knew that. But there was nothing he could do. Not a thing he could try to get out. This wasn’t Afghanistan. A cave where he could build and kill his way out to freedom. This was suffocation, loss and death._

_For what felt like hours he just drifted through the darkness. He wondered if his friends knew where he was -_ you have no friends- _and if they worried about him -_ why would anyone worry about **you** -. _Tony liked to think they did. It made him feel like he belonged -_ you don’t- _somewhere other than at the bottom of a bottle._

_Not that it mattered now. He was lost in space for reasons unknown. He couldn’t even remember getting into space. Yet despite this, he felt surprisingly calm. At the back of his mind he wanted to panic, to thrash and scream, but he just couldn’t bother._

_“Tony” Tony twitched. It felt like someone had just grabbed his shoulder. The ghost of a touch lingering on his skin. Confused, he looked over his shoulder. Nothing but empty space and distant stars._

_“Tony!” Again, he could have sworn someone just called his name. It sounded awfully familiar, but he just couldn’t grasp it._

_“ **Tony! Wake up!** ” _

Tony bolted awake, letting out the scream he never got to utter before he fell unconscious. He was covered in cold sweat, his eyes wide as the stars and nebulas and _darkness_ still lingered in his mind. His heart felt like it was lodged in his throat. Tony blinked, desperately trying to clear his vision of stars. He didn’t even notice Steve sitting next to him, looking more worried than he had since the invasion.

“Tony, you okay?” Steve asked, placing a comforting hand on Tony’s back. The engineer pulled away as if he’d been burnt, but his eyes finally cleared. He ignored the slightly hurt expression on the super soldier’s face.

“Steve?” Tony asked, voice hoarse from screaming. He coughed, trying to fix the vocal error before asking: “What happened?”

“JARVIS set off my alarm. Said something about you being on the roof and your vitals dropping. Tony, what happened to you?” Steve replied dutifully, his blue eyes gleaming with worry.

“I…” Tony hesitated for a second, thinking back to what had happened. He couldn’t remember much. Actually, he couldn’t remember _anything..._ Something about the sky not being right? “I don’t know”

Steve’s face took on an emotion Tony couldn’t quite interpret.

“What’s the last thing you remember?”

Tony thought. He remembered walking out into the chilly night air, the smell of New York in reproduction assaulting his senses. The conversation he’d had with himself stood out clear in his mind. That’s where things began blur out of focus. Definitely something about the sky, but what?

A strange tingling rushed up his spine, making him shiver at the strangely pleasant feeling. Like a drink of ice cold water on a hot day. The taste of peppermint and chocolate coated his tongue. He closed his eyes, allowing the world to drift off for a second and just enjoy the feeling of a cold, yet pleasant hand on his back. His skin prickled comfortably.

“I remember walking up the stairs and looking out on the city” Tony replied, opening his eyes to look at Steve. “Then everything just sort of… turns to mush” He made a face. No need to worry the other man with him talking to himself. The soldier nodded slowly, biting his lower lip. He had “worried, overprotective parent” practically written across his forehead. The thought made Tony grit his teeth, though he didn’t know why. _Stupid war-lusty oaf, pretending he cares._ He blinked, trying to catch that last though. Like a worm, it slipped out between his fingers, disappearing. Tony shook his head to try and clear it, only to have the room momentarily spin out of focus.

“Come on, I think it’s best if we let Bruce have a look at you” Steve said, standing from his crouching position next to Tony. He reached down his hand, which Tony ignored completely, forcing his wobbly legs to suck it and take it like a man.

“Not that kind of doctor” Tony said absently. Though he agreed with Steve, he wouldn’t admit it even if his life depended on it. But the soldier was right, with the short-term memory loss and the fact that he literally fainted on top of the roof, it was only logical to see some sort of doctor. Yet the thought of walking all the way down to Bruce’s lab felt unwelcome, especially when his bedroom and _bed_ were just one floor down. He brushed dust off his trousers, frowning. These trousers were brand new too.

“Listen, I think I’m just gonna go to bed. Get some rest, ya know? I probably just collapsed from lack of sleep anyway” The lie slipped past his lips before he could bite his tongue. Not sounding nearly as convincing as it should, but it seemed to do the trick. Steve’s face softened sympathetically. Tony bit back a smile. It was the small victories in life that counted, right?

“Alright. Just… go see Bruce tomorrow, okay?” The _I’m worried about you_ went unspoken, but Tony could practically taste the words polluting the air around him. He straightened his back, or at least tried. His body felt heavy, rendering his movements sloppy. Yeah, sleep was definitely a good idea. Bruce wasn’t the only doctor in the tower. How many doctorates did he have again? More than Bruce, that he was sure of. With a small salute in the soldier’s direction, he turned to walk down the corridor to his private elevator.

The inventor forced his wobbly legs to carry him all the way to the elevator at the end of the corridor. Why had he made the corridor to the common area so damn _long_?! Embarrassment flushed his cheeks when he had to lean against the wall for support. The entire world seemed to be spinning uncomfortably as a wave of nausea and dizziness washed over him. Steve politely offered his help, which Tony not so politely declined. He finally reached the elevator, giving a reassuring smile and wave to the soldier still staring at him worriedly. The moment the door shut, he collapsed against the wall to catch his breath. That small walk alone felt like it had drained his entire body of energy.

 _“Sir. I do believe you should follow Mr. Roger’s advice to see Dr. Banner”_ JARVIS’ voice rang out through the elevator speakers. Tony grunted, letting his head lean against the cool metal wall as he willed the world to stop spinning. Maybe JARVIS was right…

“Bed, J. _Now_ ” He commanded instead. Instantly, the elevator started moving downwards, which didn’t help the nauseous feeling at all.

 _“I have sent DUM-E to your assistance sir”_ JARVIS said just as the elevator came to a silent halt. The doors dinged, opening up to reveal a curious looking DUM-E wheeling towards him at top speed (which really wasn’t all that fast). Had any of his fellow Avengers been there, Tony would have refused the help. But right now, alone as he was minus DUM-E and the ever-present JARVIS, he allowed himself to lean heavily against the metal body.

It wasn’t a far trip to his bedroom, by all means. Yet at that moment Tony wished he’d built the elevator right next to the bed instead of through his living room and bar, down a small corridor, passed the bathroom and finally through a heavy door. He couldn’t explain it, but it felt like his energy was draining with every breath he took. Maybe he really _should_ go see Bruce or at least call the doctor to get his giant green ass up here, he thought. The idea however, was declined when he finally spotted the soft bed that was just oh-so tempting. He could already feel sleep start to settle in, relying more and more on DUM-E’s support. Finally, he made it to the bed, collapsing into the mattress. He was asleep before his head hit the pillow.


	2. Chapter 2

_ His hands were shaking, energy buzzing and crackling along the skin of his fingers, desperately trying to lash out at the crowd of faceless people he didn’t even recognize. Yet it couldn’t. Couldn’t leave, couldn’t lash out, couldn’t  _ **_protect_ ** _. It felt like he had dipped his hands into a thick, heavy sludge, forming an outer layer which stopped the power from doing anything but twitch and writhe in anger. _

_ He was starved, not having eaten a proper meal in what felt like years. His legs weak underneath him. Someone, a man dressed in a strange golden armour, pulled at the chain connected to the collar around his neck. He felt humiliated as the faceless crowd shunned him, hissing insults and hatred like he was the cause of all the world’s problems. Like he was the Merchant of Death… _

_ Confusion ripped at his brain, fighting against fear for dominance. This made no sense. Where was he? The very air tasted different than what he was used to, clearer with a faint aroma of metal and forest. Gold coated the walls of the giant hall he was being pulled through. Tony looked down at the shackles binding his wrists and ankles together, giving him barely enough room to walk at a decent pace. They were plain iron, if a bit darker than he was used to. Yet they felt heavier than they had the right to, dragging his arms and pulling his legs. The armoured stranger gave another yank on the chain, and Tony stumbled, almost losing his balance. _

_ Someone actually threw a rock, which landed painfully hard against his temple. He turned to glare at whoever did it, but in the sea of hateful faces, it was impossible to know. _

_ After what felt like a painful eternity, the guard finally stopped pulling his chain. Tony had resorted to looking down at his hands. It was better than the room full of anger. Why were they so angry with him? He didn’t even know any of them! _

_ A heavy hand slammed down on his shoulder, a foot kicking him just behind the knee, forcing him down to the ground. People cheered. Tony bit back a pained gasp. It was humiliating beyond words. _

_ Something heavy slammed into the ground, the sound echoing through the great hall they were in. Instantly, the cheering and shouting disappeared, replaced by blissful silence. Finally, Tony looked up. An old, yet strong looking man, was seated upon a golden throne right in front of him. Tony felt hatred pool in his stomach, despite never even having seen him before. He couldn’t explain it, but every fibre of his being burnt with anger and betrayal when he met the man’s one eye. _

_ Next to him was a woman, which gave off an entirely different feeling. Where the old man seemed cold and detached, she seemed warm and sad. She made Tony feel a sudden need to rush over and bury his face into the crook of her neck and just cry away his troubles. Like she could make the world brighter with just a smile. _

_ His eyes widened when he moved to the next figure, standing protectively next to the graceful woman. There, dressed in his usual armour and target-red cape, stood none other than Thor. The god looked at him with a mixture of disappointment and sorrow. He instantly made to stand, to run over to the little stream of familiarity, but a strong hand at the back of his neck kept him on his knees. He tried to throw the man off, but it was useless. To his credit, he put up a good enough fight to get to Thor that another armoured man was sent in to help keep him in check. Desperately, he tried to shout Thor’s name, but his lips refused to part. He tried harder, but only a muffled slur which only resembled the word escaped his throat. To his horror, Thor turned his gaze away with a pained expression. Tony froze then, left staring hopelessly at his companion, his only way out of this. Why wasn’t Thor helping him? They were supposed to be a team, a unit. Weren’t they? _

_ A sudden spark of anger fuelled a fire within him, hate seeping into his bones until he was left glaring daggers at his friend. Thor wasn’t doing anything. He was probably even enjoying seeing him here in chains, at the mercy of these strangers. The bastard probably got a kick out of it, and he would laugh with his comrades later about the horrified expression on Tony’s face. His teeth grinded against each other. He would show Thor. Show him you don’t abandon Tony Stark and get away with it. If Thor was going to prove himself just another Obadiah, he would make sure the big oaf would come to meet the same fate. _

Tony woke with a startle, the dream slipping from his mind faster than he could grasp it. His hands shook violently (that seemed to happen a lot recently), but he didn’t know why. His body was coated in a thick layer of sweat, making his hair stick to his skull uncomfortably. Light flooded in from the windows, bathing his room in a cold brightness. A groan escaped his lips.

_ “Good morning, Sir. It is good to see you awake at last.” _ JARVIS’ voice was like a wash of comfort. He couldn’t remember his dream, but the feeling of fear and anger remained. Tony coughed to clear his throat, which seemed to wake DUM-E from sleep mode. Within seconds, the AI-based machine was in front of him, a white handkerchief in its claw. Tony let out a small laugh, taking the handkerchief and using it to dry his forehead.

“What’s the time, Jar?” He asked finally, handing the white cloth back to DUM-E.

_ “A quarter past three in the afternoon, sir. You have slept through the majority of the day.” _ Tony’s eyes widened. Had he really slept for  _ that  _ long? When exactly did he go to bed last night? It couldn’t have been any later than one AM, at least. Contrary to popular belief, Tony was very much a morning person. He couldn’t stand wasting away his life on sleeping when there were more productive things he could do.

_ “May I ask how you are feeling, sir?” _ JARVIS’ smooth voice cut through the room.

“Dirty as all hell and practically starved. Get the showers running, will ya, buddy?” Tony replied. He did feel dirty. His skin covered in sweat, sticking to any surface he came in contact with. Disgusting didn’t even cover it. A loud complaint from his stomach only made the fact that he hadn’t eaten for three days all the clearer.

The water was blissfully warm, just the right temperature (Thanks JARVIS). For a while he just stood there, letting the spray wash away the sweat and muck from his skin while his mind wandered to his lab. As he stretched for the soap though, he did a double take. His wrists were covered in angry, red marks. Like something had singed his skin. Tony stared at them, trying to make sense of how they got here. Had he clawed at his wrists in his sleep? No… that wasn’t right. The pattern was too specific to be from his nails. If anything, it looked like someone had put smouldering hot cuffs on him but…

“JARVIS. Give me a run-down of the night, please.” He said, ignoring the slight shake in his voice as he stared down at the red skin. It didn’t hurt, which was surprising, because it looked painful as all hell.

_ “You went to bed at half past twelve, sir. You fell asleep much quicker than usual as well, and came down with a fever during the night.” _

“Fever?” Tony echoed.

_ “Indeed, sir. Your core temperature rose to 39 degrees Celsius. However, it only lasted for an hour and a half, and didn’t seem dangerous enough to call for Dr. Banner.” _ Tony stared at his wrists, allowing JARVIS’ words to sink it. He was used to fevers and being sick. During the palladium poisoning, his immune system took a bad hit, making him more susceptible to sickness than he used to be. But that didn’t explain the marks on his wrists.

A wave of something cold rushed across his skin in a soothing manner, calming his fears, if only a little bit. A small comfort at least. Energy crackled at his fingertips before retreating to where it came from. Tony took no notice of it, instead reaching for the soap and finishing his shower.

“This stays between us, alright J? If anyone asks, I had a welding accident in the lab, okay?” He commanded as he dried himself off with a towel, careful around the burnt area. Even though he couldn’t feel it, didn’t mean he would risk ripping his skin and make the damage worse.

_ “Should we not inform the other Avengers about your current predicament, sir? Certainly, Captain Rogers will see that something is… off.” _ JARVIS replied hesitantly. Tony rolled his eyes. Of course. He would have to face their captain sooner or later.

“Welding accident, JARVIS. I didn’t create you to second-guess me.”

_ “Of course, sir.” _

After he’d dried himself off, Tony went in search for some burn cream for the wounds. It was harder to find than he suspected, and in the end, he had to ask JARVIS for help. After his AI told him it was in the top shelf to his right, (and who the hell put it  _ there _ of all places?!) he was finally ready to go get some breakfast… lunch... whatever it counted as.

“JARVIS, give me the locations of all the Avengers, please” He asked as he got changed. Something with long sleeves. Dammit, why did he only own T-shirts?

_ “Dr.Banner and Captain Rogers are in the common area. Mr. Barton is in the gym and Ms. Romanoff is currently out on a mission for SHIELD.” _ Tony hesitated for a second, before:

“… and Thor?”

_ “Thor is, as far as I know, still on Asgard, sir.” _ A relieved sigh escaped his lips. He couldn’t quite put words to it, but the thought of having to face their thunder god sent a flash of fire through his body, hot and angry. It was gone before he could put much thought to it.

After a failed attempt at finding something edible in his private fridge, he made his way to the common area. Steve always kept the fridge full of food, saying it was a luxury they didn’t have when he grew up. As he exited the elevator, he prayed to all deities he knew about that there would be coffee in the machine. It was a poor replacement, but Pepper had refused him any alcohol ever since the alien incident. Not that he couldn’t find creative ways to smuggle it in, because he could and he had. But that also meant he would have to get past JARVIS. The traitor had, of course, sided with Pepper on that one.

His prayers were answered when he rounded the corner, only to come face to face with Steve who was in the process of pouring himself a cup of steaming hot coffee.

“Tony!” The soldier said, eyeing him closely as if he expected Tony to turn to dust at any moment. Tony resisted the urge to roll his eyes. He gave Steve a slight nod in acknowledgement, heading straight for the coffee machine. However, their captain wouldn’t give up that easily. When Tony passed him, he took tail and followed closely, looming over the inventor.

“How are you feeling?” He asked, demand hidden behind the concern in his voice. Tony scoffed.

“Fine.” Was his simple answer. He really wasn’t interested in making small talk with  _ anyone. _ If there was  _ anything _ that could bring down his morning more than his surprise in the shower, it was-

“What happened to your wrists?” This time, he  _ did _ roll his eyes. Of fucking course Steve would be the first to ask. Always the team leader. Always sticking his nose into Tony’s business, hanging over his shoulder and just waiting for Tony to make a mistake he can point out. The inventor gritted his teeth as a spark of deep cold anger ignited in his chest. He really didn’t want to deal with Cap’s bullshit right now. He had work to do… probably.

“Wielding accident.” He said, reaching for a mug and pouring himself a steaming cup. The captain looked at him doubtfully.

“When?”

“Just now” He couldn’t very well say they were older. Steve had seen him yesterday with nothing but his Iron Maiden T-shirt, and he clearly hadn’t been burnt then. The soldier’s eyes narrowed in suspicion. Clearly, he was doubting Tony’s story.

“Those don’t look like they’re from a welding accident, Tony.” He reached out to grab his wrist, but Tony yanked it away before he could, spilling some of the coffee on his hand. Tony cursed loudly, quickly setting his cup down on the counter.

“God fucking dammit!” He cursed again, bringing the hand under the sink to cool it. It was a relief to feel the cold water wash over his hand. Soon, the pain had dulled down to almost nothing, dissolving like it had never happened.

“Jesus, Tony! I’m so sorry. Are you okay?” Steve sounded almost frantic.

“I’m  _ fine _ , Steve.” Tony hissed, his words coming out sharper than he intended. He felt a slight pang of guilt at the pained look in Steve’s eyes. The soldier stared at him apologetically, shoulders hanging low. He looked like he was about to say something, but just at that moment, Bruce entered the kitchen area. The scientist stopped short when he saw the scene in front of him. Tony still holding his hand under the cold water and Steve looking discouraged at the damage he’d caused his teammate.

“Ehm... hey.” He said awkwardly.

“Brucie! Just the man I wanted to see.” Tony said, instantly shifting his attention away from Steve and his sorrowful, yet determined eyes. The man really had to make up his mind on what he wanted from him. Answers or forgiveness, Tony refused to give him both. At least out loud.

“I’ve been working on some new arrowheads for Barton, and I could really use your expertise in chemistry. I don’t want to accidentally make something more lethal than knock-out gas… again.” He grinned at Bruce while drying off his hand with a kitchen towel. The burn fresh burn was all but gone, but he took no notice of it.

“What happened to your wrists?” Bruce asked, wiping the smile off Tony’s face. His eyes darkened slightly, something coiling in his chest.

“I had a welding accident in the lab this morning.” If his smile looked forced, no one said anything. But the worried looked shared between the captain and the doctor didn’t go unnoticed either. Tony felt the sudden need to escape, to get away and hide in his lab. His thoughts drifted to the bottle of the ten-year-old laphroaig he kept hidden in his closet. This morning was already turning into more than what he wanted to deal with. First, he faints on the roof, and if that isn’t embarrassing enough on its own, now everyone are suddenly worried about him? Steve looked at him like he was about to have a chest burster pop out from his body.

“They look really bad, Tony.” Bruce said, biting his lip as he eyed the burns on Tony’s wrists. Yeah, Tony thought. Ignore the one Steve made.

“It’s nothing, really. Doesn’t even hurt that much.” Tony said, casually hiding his wrists behind his back. He had always been a man to bask in the attention of others, but that was when he was surrounded by a shield of hot women and cameras were flashing wildly as reporters shouted questions about his amazing new inventions. This however, was like being exposed on a surgery table. The way his friends kept giving him looks of pity and  _ worry _ . Like they thought of him like a fragile flower. He was Iron Man, dammit!

“I aahh… I told Bruce about what happened last night.” Steve said, scratching the back of his head. Tony’s eyes widened for a millisecond before he shook his shock. Of course he had told Bruce, it was only natural to let the doctor know. Next to Steve, Bruce nodded carefully.

“Right.” Was all Tony said, turning his attention back to the cup of coffee on the counter, still hot. He picked it up, letting the warm liquid flow down his throat and warm his insides.

“We were wondering if maybe you would come with me to the lab so I can run a few tests, make sure you don’t have brain damage or any other medical problems.” Bruce said carefully. Tony wanted to make some sarcastic remark about the shrapnel in his chest being a big medical problem, that he had been able to outrun it so far and that he was fine. But he had agreed to see Bruce yesterday, and more so he had told JARVIS he would allow the doctor to give him a check-up.

“Yeah, sure. I can pop by later once I’m done with those arrowheads. I could still use your help, ya know.” He promised. His friends didn’t look as satisfied with his answer as he had hoped. It was Steve who spoke:

“We were really hoping you would come down now.”

Tony shook his head.

“I’ll be down when I finish. Don’t worry about it.” Tony countered, finishing the last bit of his coffee before refilling the cup. Even though he had slept for much more than he was used to (much  _ much _ more), the familiar, bitter taste was reassuring.

“Tony,  _ come on _ . You fell unconscious on the roof after spending hours outside last night. We just want to make sure you’re okay.” Steve said, his voice stronger this time. A hint of that annoying commanding tone Tony hated so much. It reminded him too much of his father when he was young. ‘Go to your room now, Anthony’ ‘Get out of my lab, Anthony’ ‘Do what I tell you, Anthony’. He couldn’t  _ stand _ that tone. Anger bubbled up in the pool of his stomach. White hot and heavy in his guts.

“I told you, I was just tired. I exhausted myself. It happens. I’m  _ fine. _ ” He spoke the words through gritted teeth, eyes darkening until they looked almost black. The glare he sent the Captain would send lesser men cowering, would make lawyer shake in their trousers. But the captain seemed to only reflect his anger back at him, his own eyes narrowing. Apparently, the damage he’d caused Tony’s hand was completely forgotten in the challenge.

“You’re not fine, Tony. You haven’t been fine since the invasion! You lock yourself in your lab and refuse to let anyone close to you. God dammit, Tony, can’t you see we’re-”

“Worried?!” Tony finished with a snap. His anger was bubbling up, coursing through his veins. Energy sizzled and cracked like whips under his skin, begging to be let out. He could feel it burn in his every cell, agonizing and freeing at the same time. It felt  _ good _ to let some of his anger out, to take some of his pain out on others. Steve would  _ never _ understand. Would never even get close to understanding the endless void that haunted Tony in his dreams. Tony wasn’t stupid, genius, actually. He knew that whenever Steve looked at him, he expected to see his friend, Tony’s sorry excuse of a father; Howard. He could see the disappointment in the soldier’s eyes when Tony did something un-Howard-like. He could hear the unsaid ‘Howard wouldn’t have done that’ or ‘Howard would have done that differently’.

“You’re not worried about me,  _ Rogers _ . You’re worried I will fuck shit up for your team. You’re worried about the next battle, because that’s what you do. I’m not a soldier, so stop treating me like one.” Tony felt his chest coil again, power buzzing in his cells. Something unknown rose up within him, something familiar yet strange at the same time. The lights above them flickered, almost in rhythm with his anger.

Then:

_ “Sir, I recommend calming down. Your heart rate has increased fundamentally. Need I remind you of the shrapnel in your chest?” _ It was one of JARVIS’ poor attempts at nervous humour, something the AI undoubtedly had picked up from him Pepper. Still, the familiar, British voice was enough to calm his admittedly speeding heart. His anger subsided, if only a bit, though he still gave their Captain an impressive glare.

“Thank you for stating the obvious, J.” His voice was still sharp, but his trusty AI would take the ‘thank you’ for what it was.

_ “You are very welcome, sir. If I may, it would perhaps be in your better interest to meet Dr. Banner in the lab. The bots’ worry is only increasing.” _ Tony rolled his eyes, hiding his smirk behind his cup. It was no doubt a poor attempt at manipulating him, sly as JARVIS was. The AI no doubt knew that Tony would see right through his words, but he also knew Tony would agree with him. If it was one person (besides Pepper, of course) who could make Tony do something he reluctantly agreed to, it was JARVIS. His nerves still burned with unspent rage, but his heart had slowed. The tight feeling around his chest had loosened as he calmed down. Had he not been Tony Stark, he might have felt silly for his little outburst.

“Alright, you traitor. Let Bruce know I’ll be down as soon as I have something to eat.” He said, giving Steve one last glance before opting to do the childish thing and ignore Steve’s very existence for the next few hours. Steve looked around confused at Tony’s words, not having noticed how Bruce slipped out of the common area when things had begun heating up between the inventor and soldier.

Tony opened the fridge and picked out the first thing his eyes landed on; an apple. He wondered who would put an apple in the fridge as he left the kitchen, chewing the fruit as loudly and annoyingly as humanly possible just to get a last jab at Steve. What can he say? He’s a man with a grudge.

When he rounded the corner, he heard Steve let out a frustrated sigh.

“How do you do it, Jarvis?” The solder asked, sounding both angry and distressed at the same time.

_ “I am afraid that is a family secret, Captain Rogers.” _

Tony smirked. 


	3. Chapter 3

As per usual, the lights were blinding in Bruce’s lab. The white painted walls did nothing to help, in fact reminding him more of a hospital than he would prefer. If it hadn’t been for the distinct smell of more dangerous chemicals than phenol and antiseptic solutions, it would easily have been mistaken for a doctor’s office. Tony found that most of the time, Bruce’s lab along with the man himself either smelled severely burnt or sickly sweet. As of right now, however, the scent of freshly brewed herbal tea and vomit assaulted his senses. Both pleasant and nauseating at the same time. Butyric acid and herbal tea should  _ not _ be mixed. In fact, butyric acid shouldn’t be mixed with anything…

“Why the hell are you playing around with butyric acid?” Tony asked, allowing Bruce to know he’d arrived as JARVIS promised. The doctor cast him a glance over his shoulder. He was wearing protective glasses over his normal glasses, which looked funny as all hell. However, Tony found it best not to judge. After all, this  _ was _ the man who could defy the rules of mass and turn into a green giant when he got enough epinephrine in his system.

“I ah… I’m studying the effects it has on intestinal walls. ” Bruce replied in his usual, slightly hesitant ĺmanner. Jeez, the guy needed to get out more. Tony raised an eyebrow at him. 

“Interesting...” he said, not really meaning it. Body fluids and sickness was all Bruce’s field. Though Tony did have more than the general knowledge, he had always prefered animal studies and machines.

Bruce let out something between a chuckle and a sigh, removing the lab goggles and setting them aside on the table next to his experiment. With a gesture for Tony to follow him over to the usual “check-up” chair while he went in search for the right equipment.

“Are those human guts?” He asked, eyes narrowing at the pieces of colon resting on a glass plate. The doctor blushed slightly, which was all the answers Tony needed. He shrugged, plopping down into the chair. With Bruce still sticking his head into different cabinets and pulling out needles and other equipment, Tony started playing around with the seat. Push a button and it started folding into more of a bed, another button and it started folding in on itself (Tony quickly stopped playing with this button). Another button made his legs raise and so on and so forth.

“Right. I’m just going to start with some simple blood samples.” Bruce said, finally returning with a metal tray full of test tubes and a menacing-looking needle.

“Alright, but if you ask me to piss in a jar, I will leave.” Tony said, only half-joking. Bruce smiled at him, his eyes glinting with humour only Tony could bring out.

“Hopefully it won’t come to that.” He replied, wrapping Tony’s upper arm to cut his blood flow. “Why don’t you tell me what happened?” he asked, moving onto the needle.

So Tony told him everything he remembered from going up to the rooftop, taking a break to hiss when the needle entered his skin before ending at the part where he looked up at the sky. Bruce would hum his acknowledgement while changing out the full vials with the empty ones. When Tony finally finished his tale, including JARVIS’ alarm about his vitals and his midnight fever, Bruce was frowning. He pulled out the needle, quickly applying a cotton ball to stop the bleeding before looking up at Tony.

“This sounds…” The doctor trailed off, swirling the test tube of blood he was still holding in his hand.

“Yes?” Tony prompted. Bruce swallowed.

“Well, it sounds like you had some sort of seizure.”

“Seizure?!” Tony gaped. That didn’t make any sense. He couldn’t have had a seizure, could he? Bruce nodded sadly, not meeting Tony’s gaze.

“I’d like to do an EEG to be on the safe side, though.” As he said this, he pressed down on one of the buttons, transforming the chair to a bed. Tony let himself be dragged down by gravity, following the chair-bed when all he really wanted was get up and out, find a good bottle of scotch and drink until the week was gone from his memory. He  _ could not _ have had a seizure. He refused! The press would have a field day; “Is this the end of Tony Stark?”. And what would Pepper say? She would be broken, sad. Not to mention pissed off that he didn’t tell her about it right away, because he knew he wouldn’t. It would be like the palladium poisoning all over again.

He didn’t notice, deep in thought as he was, that Bruce disappeared off to the sides, reappearing with a giant, old-looking computer screen that he had to wheel in. This was followed by a tall metal stand with a strange rectangle covered in small holes, which was connected to the computer.

“Alright, I’m going to attach the electrodes to your scalp now.” Bruce explained in a voice as if talking to a child, doing just that. Tony wanted to come with some witty remark about him only a year younger than Bruce, but bit his tongue. This was Bruce’s own way of coping with the situation, he knew. He would always use that voice when one of them got injured during a battle, and he was worried. The white wires were cold and sticky, and instantly made his scalp itch.

“How long is this gonna take?” Tony asked while Bruce was connecting the wires into the holes on the rectangle hanging from the stand. So that’s what that thing was for.

“It shouldn’t take longer than thirty to forty-five minutes, give or take” Bruce answered. With the push of a button, the computer jumped to life, screens lighting up with information Tony didn’t even bother to look at. He was too busy grumbling over the loss of precious time.

They sat there for what felt like an eternity. Then again, time always felt too slow when Tony was bored out of his mind. Several times, Bruce had to tell him to be still, lest he yank the electrodes off. When Tony didn’t stop being a bother, Bruce realized that the only way to keep the genius at least relatively still would be to ease his boredom.

“So, these burns,” Tony’s reaction was instant. He had been in the middle of fiddling with the collar of his black sabbath t-shirt, using his fingernail to brush away an old piece of cheese. Then his body went rigid, as if Bruce’s words had physically struck him. It only lasted a millisecond, and the inventor thought he’d gotten away with it. But the way Bruce’s eyes seemed to sharpen, he knew he’d been too slow. Yet the lie seemed to simply slip from his lips.

“I told you before. I had a welding accident. I was working on one of the suit updates and got a little careless. Hadn’t had my coffee yet.” Bruce looked at him doubtfully, obviously not buying it. Was he really that bad a liar?

“Tony, I might not have a PhD in medicine, but it’s clear to everyone that those burns didn’t come from a welding accident” The doctor gave him a look Tony couldn’t quite place. The worry was clear in his eyes, but he made no demands for information. One of the things he liked about Bruce was that the man understood boundaries better than anyone. He was possibly

one of the few people on earth that got Tony. Rhodey, Pepper and Bruce. The three people who’d bothered trying…

“Look. If you don’t want to tell me, that’s fine. I’m not going to push for info I don’t have the right to know. But don’t lie to me, alright?” For once, Tony didn’t have a sassy remark to throw. No clever words to play out of the situation like he usually did. Instead, he just nodded. He contemplated actually telling Bruce about the shower, but decided against it when the machine gave a small bleep, signalling that their touchy-feely time was over.

Bruce’s attention turned back towards the screen with the result. Tony tried to get a better look, but decided he couldn’t be bothered with it. This was all Bruce’s area of expertise. Except the outdated machine. How  _ that _ thing had slipped into  _ his _ tower he didn’t know. He was sure he could make an even better one for Bruce’s brain-fetish. Maybe one that could show a hologram of the brain… He would have to look into it.

“So, Doc. Tell me the good news” He joked, silently crossing his fingers that the news would indeed be good. Bruce hummed in concentration, hid finger tracing the zigzag pattern on the screen absently. Tony bit down the fear that was starting to grow in his chest.

“Well… it doesn’t  _ look _ like a seizure, but…” Bruce trailed off, eyes narrow as he stared at the screen. “That doesn’t look right” The relief Tony felt from “not a seizure” was washed away instantly.

“What? What is it?” he questioned.

“There’s this… hold on, I’ll show you” With great effort, Bruce managed to turn the wheeled computer so Tony could get a better look. On the screen in front of him was different numbers, neatly set up in a table on the side. Next to it was an imagine of a bunch of squiggly zigzag lines going up and down. Tony understood what the lines were, that much was obvious, but he had no idea what any of them meant. He cast a peculiar look at Bruce, prompting the scientist to explain.

“This here is your brain pattern. Everything looks healthy and normal” Bruce started, pointing to the zigzag lines. “However this line here… well, it’s not supposed to be there” As he said this, he moved to point at a strange wavy line running across the zigzags. Tony hadn’t taken notice of it before, it was much thinner than the other lines.

“So… what does that mean?” he asked.

Bruce shook his head.

“I have no idea. But I would like to do a 24-hour EEG” Tony shot up from the bed, ripping off the electrons stuck to his scalp. He got off the bed, relieved to stand after half an hour of lying down.

“No”

“Tony-”

“Bruce, and I can’t believe I’m saying this, I have a company to run. I promised Pepper I would attend today’s board meeting” he said. “I can’t be lying on an uncomfortable chair-bed in your lab all day just so you can look at a wavy line” The words came out harsher than he intended. Instead of replying, Bruce got out of his chair and walked over to one of the many cabinets he had. After ruffling around in there for a few seconds, he pulled out a strange looking backpack. Electrical cords were sticking out of it, connected to a swimming cap. Tony stared at it, unsure of what even  _ it _ was.

“It’s portable” Oh! Oh… oh hell no!

“No.” Tony said again.

“Tony, I just want to make sure-”

“That is  _ not _ happening. I am  _ not _ showing up to a board meeting for the first time in forever, wearing a swimming cap and a backpack. You checked, you said it looked relatively normal. That’s good enough for me, Bruce. The answer is no.” Bruce looked like he wanted to argue, but in the end, he just sighed, shoulders slumping. Tony felt a knot form in his stomach at the look of defeat on Bruce’s face.

“Alright. Just… if anything happens, please tell me, okay?” Tony just nodded. He checked his watch, looking for any excuse he could to get out of the lab. The board meeting had already started. He hadn’t exactly promised Pepper that he would show up seeing as Pepper had given up on getting him there ages ago. That had mostly been an excuse not to wear  _ that _ . Now that he’d said it though… If he knew Bruce well enough, and he liked to think that he did, then Bruce would talk to Pepper. He didn’t want to get caught having lied to his friend.

“If you’ll excuse me, I need to go get ready for that board meeting” With a small “see ya” He hastily exited the lab through the elevator. The elevator ride up to his own floor was awkwardly silent. Usually, he would talk to JARVIS about various subjects like updating the suits and new projects for Stark Industries. However, for now he just wanted to enjoy the silence while he had it.

Having the other Avengers move in had taken more out of him than he thought it would. Not because he wasn’t good with people, he was a charmer unlike any other, but because these weren’t just people who sucked up every word he told them like a sponge. The assassins said they would only be staying until SHIELD had rebuilt their helicarriers. Though all Tony heard when they told him was “until we have enough intel on you”. He liked Clint, the guy could take a good joke. But he didn’t trust the man as far as he could throw him. Natasha was obviously not on his friends list, not because he didn’t want to get to know her. He just didn’t want her to get to know him. The captain was… complicated. Tony still remembered Howard’s praise of his golden boy when he was younger. Growing up, constantly being compared to a corpse had taken its toll on young Anthony. As the years progressed, the admiration he’d felt for Captain America slowly turned into an ever-present feeling of envy. When he met Steve himself, he instantly noticed the way Steve’s eyes searched through him. He seemed relieved at first, after all, Tony looked a lot like his father. The relief, however, died down to disappointment when Tony opened his mouth and started talking. So now he was again constantly being compared to a corpse. At least Steve was more subtle about it than Howard had been.

The elevator pinged. Tony excited, instantly going for the closet with his (normal) suits. Grabbing the first one he saw, a dark grey suit and a blue tie, he quickly changed. It was probably a bad idea to just come barging in halfway through the meeting, but he didn’t care. It was his business after all, and Tony liked to think he could do whatever he wanted. Besides, he had a few new ideas he needed to consult Pepper about. And there was never a better time to talk to Pep about anything, than when she is busy with other things. Easier to get a yes if she was focused on something else.

Ten minutes later, he was on the road on his way to the meeting. It wasn’t really that far away from Stark Avengers tower. Only just ten to fifteen minutes by car, give or take. Tony leant back in the seat of his Audi R8 Spyder, enjoying the way the air ruffled his hair as he sped along. He would enjoy it until he got into the real traffic, then he would regret ever taking his car, but fuck it. Driving his cars was the closest he got to feeling really free, aside from flying in his suits, of course. There was no other feeling like that of the world speeding past you, the wind beating against your ears in an oddly pleasant way. Freedom was speed, being faster than everyone. Because when you’re faster than everyone, no one can catch you.

Tony leant over to find some good music. It was a special thing to him, listening to CDs in the car the good ‘ol fashioned way. Maybe it was just something that stuck with him from when he got his first car, and would drive around irresponsibly while deafening everyone around him with ACDC. Ah! ACDC, that was a good place to start. Reaching over, he picked out one of the mixed albums he’d put together himself and tried to open the cover with only one hand. Once the CD was out, he pushed it into the CD player.

The first thing he heard was the classic guitar intro of Shoot to thrill. It instantly brought back memories of how this all started. From Coulson bringing him the schematics on the tesseract, to hacking Natasha’s quinjet. His first encounter with the mischief god.

Tony was thrown back into reality when a woman screamed. Although it could have only lasted a few seconds at most, time seemed to slow down. The woman in front of his car, clutching her daughter. It is possible that he cursed, he didn’t know. Quick as a whip, he turned the steering wheel, just in time to avoid hitting the two people crossing the road and slam right into the side of an old pizzeria.

The last thing Tony saw was a flash of green. 


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter four

_His lungs burned in the foreign air. They were back. The chituari were back and they were after him. He could hear their animalistic battle cries close behind him, feel the rocky ground beneath him shake when their hoof-like feet stomped down to pick up speed. The landscape was completely flat, minus some of the small, sharp rocks sticking out of the ground. There was nowhere to hide. And he didn’t have his suit. If it would’ve done anything good, he would have screamed. Screamed for help, for his team to come and rescue him. Hadn’t he rescued them from this exact fate?_

_But alas, he was all alone here with the exception of the monsters chasing him until exhaustion would be the death of him. He’d been running for what felt like days without rest, but he couldn’t run anymore. His only hope was that they would make it quick._

_When his foot caught on a raised rock, and he could hear his toes crack from the force, he didn’t try to pick himself up again. He was too tired. There was no point in running anymore. He would never get away._

_The chituari cried out in glee, rushing upon him. Their clawed hands at the ready to-_

Tony stirred. There was… something. His head was pounding. He felt weaker than he had in Afghanistan, completely exhausted. All he really wanted to do was go to sleep again, but there was something making annoying noises. He rolled over in his bed, hand searching his pocket blindly for the phone. His hand brushed gravel. That was… strange. In fact, now that he thought about it, why the hell was his bed so bloody hard? A groan escaped his lips before he forced his eyes open. The light stung, and he had to blink a couple of times to adjust.

Tony bolted back as quickly as he could. He’d been lying right at the edge of a skyscraper! Had he rolled over just a few more inches, he would have fallen off.

“What the fuck?!” he gasped. Underneath him he could see the city. A crowd, it seemed, was gathering, pushing against each other and police to see what was happening. There, behind the small circle of police officers, was Tony’s beloved Audi, crashed and dented in the wall of the pizzeria. A few feet away from that scene, a very upset pizzeria owner was talking to the police. Next to him was a woman and a child, both covered in a blanket each, telling the police about what happened. And oh look, the reporters were already in place, taking pictures and notes.

And on top of a rooftop was Tony Stark, looking down in confusion. His brain couldn’t quite comprehend what had happened. Because that was his Audi, and he could have sworn he’d been in it just a few seconds ago. But now he wasn’t and _how the hell did I get here?!_ Looking around the roof, he saw no way to get up, no ladder or hatch. There was _no way_ he could have gotten up here, not without his suit, which he didn’t currently have!

Through all the commotion and confusion, Tony had completely forgotten about his phone. When he realized, it was just in time to quickly grab it and answer before voicemail.

“Hello?” he said into the microphone. His voice, thank god, wasn’t shaking.

“Tony! Oh my god, Tony, are you okay?!” Pepper sounded frantic.

“Pep? What-”

“Where are you right now? Do you need someone to come and get you? Are you hurt?” Tony blinked, confused.

“I-”

“I’ve been trying to call you a billion times! Why didn’t you pick up? I was so scared! And Happy! He was at the tower and looked for you and now-”

“Pepper…”

“-no one knows where you are and you didn’t pick up the phone and-”

“Pepper”

“-the news about the accident is already all over twitter and facebook. Tony what happened? Why didn’t you pick up your phone? Why-”

“Pepper!” Tony almost yelled, finally catching the assistant’s attention. He breathed a sigh of relief when she went quiet. Her blabbering had been adding exponentially to his already terrible headache. Still, he was relieved to hear her voice. Even frantic and without an end, Pepper’s voice found a way to calm him down from almost rolling straight off a skyscraper, not to mention waking up on said skyscraper in the first place.

“One question at a time, please” He said, backing further away from the edge of the roof. If anyone saw him on top of a bloody building, questions would be asked. Questions he wouldn’t be able to answer, and that was always bad when it came to the press.

“Are you hurt?” A smile brushed his lips. Normally, he hated people worrying. It was annoying and in his opinion, it only got in the way of things. But Pepper was an exception. In fact, she was the complete opposite. He hated worrying her, but at the same time he _needed_ to feel how she cared. He had never felt that way about a person before, and even with Pepper it had taken him years to realize it.

“I don’t feel hurt. A headache, yes. Confused as all hell, absolutely. But other than what, I feel fine” Was his reply.

“Where are you?” Ah… now this would be a bit harder to answer.

“I’m aahh… I’m… well, it’s sort of a confusing story. You see, I’m on top of a skyscraper and… I might not know how to get down again” Blood rushed to his face just admitting it. God, he felt like an idiot at that moment. How the hell was he supposed to explain this when he didn’t even understand it himself. The answer was simple; he couldn’t explain nor understand.

Tony cast a quick glance over the side of the roof before backing away again. Great, now news reporters had showed up. Why the hell was a car accident so special suddenly? They happened all the time! _Probably something to do with the fact that the driver is missing_. Tony massaged the space between his eyes, trying to lighten his headache. This was bad. _Very_ bad.

“-Tony!” Oh right! Pepper.

“Hmm?”

“Were you even listening?” She sounded frustrated, which was also very bad. He coughed a couple of times, clearing his throat.

“No, not really. What did you say?” He could practically hear her eyes roll.

“I asked how and why you’re on top of a skyscraper” Pepper explained slowly, as if dealing with a petulant child. Which in her opinion, was probably justified. Tony thought, practically turning his brain inside out in search for a good answer, an explanation. He’d been in that car and should honestly just be putty in his seat. But he wasn’t. Not that he _wanted_ to be putty, he just felt completely lost at what had happened. Had he somehow… teleported?

Again, he felt that same tingling sensation in his chest, wrapping snugly around his arc reactor in an almost calming manner. This was weird, even for him.

“I… can’t explain” was the reply he came up with. Because he really couldn’t. He couldn’t even come up with a lie that would explain how he was not dead or dying. And he didn’t want to lie to Pepper… not again.

“What? Tony-”

“Please Pepper. Just trust me on this, alright? I know how stupid it sounds, but just trust me. Send Happy to get my car and tell him it was one of my self-driving prototypes gone wrong. Don’t tell him where I am. I’ll call for a suit as soon as things die down here, alright?” Pepper seemed taken aback by his tone. She had seen several shades of Tony, including the more serious scared side after the invasion. But this? He sounded drained, confused. Not the self-sure pompous bastard who had hired her because she had pretty hair, nice boobs and more than half a brain (his words, not hers).

“Tony…” Pepper hesitated for a moment. Tony wished he could read her thoughts. “I… fine. I’ll send Happy”

Tony let out a breath he didn’t know he’d been holding. Pepper didn’t understand, but she knew Tony enough that trying to get something out of him when he didn’t want to was impossible. He’d been tortured in an afghan cave for three months and hadn’t given them anything. She didn’t know the exact details of Tony’s stay in that cave. No one did. Whenever the subject was mentioned, Tony would either change it or, as when Steve tried getting him to talk, leave the room completely.

Tony was about to say something, anything to break the silence that had befallen them. But just at that moment, he heard a half-familiar voice from the other end. It was one of the leaders in the board. He couldn’t remember the man’s name, but the voice was definitely familiar.

“Ms. Potts. The board is waiting for you” The man said.

“Just a minute, Mr. Hallon. I’m on the phone” Pepper told him, as politely as possible. Tony’s smile widened slightly. Loyal little Pepper, what would he do without her?

“Go to the meeting, Pep. I promise you, I’m fine. In a couple of hours, I’ll be back in the tower. Just in time for dinner. Just focus on keeping my bank numbers high, will ya?” He told her, sounding more like his usual annoying self.

“Are you sure?”

“Are you questioning me, Pep?”

“Always” She replied. His heart rose when he heard the smile in her voice. Mission accomplished. “I’ll send Happy to get the car and tell him you’re okay, and Tony”

“Yes?”

“Stay out of trouble” This was usually where the brunette would come with some sarcastic and stylish reply, but his throat clenched. He didn’t know what to say. Well, that wasn’t entirely true. He knew exactly what to say. Yet the words seemed to have trouble on their way out. There was a click and the line went dead. Tony hesitated for another moment, still holding the phone against his ear.

“I love you, Pep...”

 


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter five

It was hours later that Tony finally landed on the platform. Robotic arms sprung from the ground, removing the suit with a surgeon’s precision while Tony walked towards the entrance. His legs were shaking, and nausea was crawling in the pit of his stomach. All he really wanted to do was go to his room and pass out either in, or at least close to his bed. After the conversation with Pepper, he’d practically ripped his brain in half trying to come up with an explanation.

There were two scenarios he could picture. Either he got catapulted backwards several feet in the air and landed on top of a roof, somehow surviving it all without major injury minus the splitting headache. Tony found this to be  _ very _ unlikely considering all the factors; like how if anything, he should have been hurled forward and splat against a pizzeria, not to mention he didn’t have enough speed to go  _ flying _ in the opposite direction. Still, he preferred  _ that _ impossible explanation over the other, even more impossible explanation. Which was that he, little old and very much human Tony, had somehow teleported. In the eyes of nature, Tony probably pushed his boundaries a lot, but even he had his limits and last he checked, teleportation was one of them.

He entered his building, thoughts still swirling around his head like an angry bee hive. They grew from frustration and confusion to cold horror when he realized. What would SHIELD do? The image of the cage they had wanted to put Bruce inside so they could poke and prod at him came to mind, and his fear grew until it clogged his chest. If SHIELD found out, there was no saying what they might do. Keep him locked up in a cage and experiment on him, trying to figure it all out. It’s what he would have done, or at least wanted to do. But it was something he never wanted to happen to him, not again. Images of dark, rocky walls and pain, so much pain, filled his head. It would be like the cave all over again. His head dunked under water, a scalpel cutting into his chest while he was being held down, still conscious. SHIELD said they were better than the bad in the world, that they were pure. It was all lies,  _ lies! _ They would torture him, cut him open all while he screamed for them to stop. And they would never let him go.

Tony stumbled, hitting his toe against something on the floor. He wasn’t paying attention, instead letting himself fall flat, almost crashing into his bar, before curling up against it, as if it would somehow help. His heart was drumming inside him, faster and faster. It  _ hurt _ , and he was so sure that any minute it would just pop out of his chest. Tony blinked several times, his blurred vision clearing as something warm slid down his cheeks. Breath came in quick, desperate gasps. All he could think was danger, he was in danger, as images of everything flashed in his mind. Everything, the cave, the water, the wormhole, it was all there. So livid and strong.

Through all the commotion, he didn’t hear JARVIS’ voice calling out to him, becoming more and more desperate with each ignored word. Somewhere in the room, there was a loud crash. The glass cabinet was now spread through the room in small, glassy shards. The sound was enough to bring Tony’s attention half-back to reality.

_ “Sir!” _ JARVIS’ voice had never sounded so… scared before. He blinked, focusing on taking deep, calming breaths. It took a while, but he finally managed to calm down. Though the echo of fear still clung on to the back of his head.

“J-Jarvis?” He croaked. His throat was hoarse from silently screaming.

_ “Sir, are you alright? I detected a drastic increase in your heartbeat and breathing pattern” _ Tony bit his lip.

“Yeah, I’m fine”

A low whine came from behind him, followed by the sound of glass crunching against his floor. Turning, he saw DUM-E whirring towards him, right over the broken glass. DUM-E’s camera was held low in a submissive and almost scared way, nearly scraping against the floor. Tony’s gut clenched a bit. He’d scared his boys.

“Hey, Dummy,” He said, staring sorrowfully at his droid. “Did I scare you? I’m sorry”

DUM-E replied with a slight tilt of his camera, a small bleep escaping his speaker. He lifted his head a bit higher, inching closer to Tony until his claw was resting on the inventor’s shoulder. Tony blinked a few times, surprised. DUM-E hadn’t been programmed with human interaction skills in mind. At the time of his creation, he was just been something Tony might impress his father with. The plan had failed, and Tony had honestly been tempted to just destroy his useless creation. He was glad that he hadn’t, especially now. The robot chippered, almost sounding like a bird, while his camera rubbed strangely against Tony’s cheek and head, ruffling his hair. A hand came up automatically, caressing the cold metal claw.

_ “I am sorry to interrupt, sir, but Mr. Barton is on his way up” _ JARVIS’ voice broke through the speakers.

“ETA?”

_ “One minute, sir”  _ JARVIS replied. Tony sighed, leaning against the bar. DUM-E gave a small, robotic whine. Brushing away the tears, he got up from the ground, giving the robot a little pat in the process. To think he had ever thought about destroying him.

“You know the rules, J. Don’t tell anyone what happened” He commanded, looking around the room. Shards of glass were littering the floor, mostly gathered in a small pile where his cabinet used to stand. When the hell did his cabinet get destroyed?

He didn’t have much time to think about it, as the elevator dinged, marking the arrival of the medieval spy. Tony cursed inwardly, quickly brushing his hair back in somewhat order. Clint was whistling a tune as he walked casually into the room, eyes on the roof and not really paying attention to where he put his feet. That is, until his boot gave a loud crunching sound. The sight that met him was Tony standing awkwardly next to the bar with DUM-E wheeling around to find something to clean with.

“Woah… what the hell blew up in here?” The archer asked, raising an eyebrow at the mess on the floor.

“Dummy crashed into my cabinet” he lied easily, pointing an accusing finger at DUM-E. The robot gave off an almost angry whirr. Tony apologized internally. “The vacuum cleaner is in the locker room. Jarvis, you know where. Show him, please”

Clint stared at him for a while, and for a second Tony was afraid Clint would call him out. However, the archer’s eyes travelled back to the mess on the floor. “It looks like he threw a bloody grenade at it”

“That’s what I get for trying something fancy” Tony agreed, straightening his suit. He turned finally, giving Clint a curious look. “Why are you here, Feathers?”

“Bruce made bala… bal… Bruce made dinner” Clint replied, stepping around a particular big piece of glass. He leaned against the bar, waiting for Tony’s reply. The inventor looked from the mess on the floor, to Clint and back again. Finally, he shrugged.

“Was it Bruce of Cap who sent you?” He asked.

“Bruce. He wanted me to go and check if you were up here. Said something about you having left earlier today.” The archer replied lightly, already moving towards the elevator, clearly expecting Tony to follow. He considered just staying up here instead, maybe order some takeout. In all honesty, he wasn’t interested in having a shared dinner with the rest of his team. He’d always been a lone wolf, used to doing anything alone, including eating. However, wasn’t it only fair that he ate with his team at least once in a while? Tony could practically hear Pepper’s voice, telling him to do the responsible adult thing and eat with his teammates. And dammit, he  _ was _ getting hungry.

No, he had more important business to attend to. He could eat when he was finished.

“Sorry, Clint. I’ve got work to do, a business to run, inventions to invent. Ya know, gotta make a living, right?”  _ And more importantly, find out what the hell is wrong with me _ . He started moving towards the elevator, casually passing the archer who threw himself right into heel behind him, slightly surprised at Tony’s rejection.

“You’re a billionaire, Stark. Live a little! Enjoy a meal for once. We all know Bruce’s cooking is your favourite.” Clint said, grabbing Tony’s shoulder and spun him around. Still exhausted from whatever the hell had happened earlier, his balance wasn’t the best at that moment. The little meant-to-be friendly gesture sent Tony out of motion. He barely had the time to catch himself on the corridor wall. The archer received a nasty glare, but Tony found he didn’t have the energy at the time to keep it up.

“Woah man. You okay?” To his great surprise, Clint actually looked apologetic.

“I’m fine” Tony said, turning back towards the elevator. He needed to get to his lab and get to work. There was a scientific explanation, and he would be damned if he didn’t find it.

For a while, silence dragged on, and Tony was almost sure JARVIS was slowing the elevator ride on purpose. He was about to point that little detail out to his electronic butler when Clint spoke up again.

“Ya know, if there’s anything you aren’t telling us… If there’s anything bothering you, I mean. We’re a team, and…” The archer fumbled with his words, clearly not the type for the “you can tell me things” talk. Then again, Tony had never been really good at that either.

“I know you love me, Catniss. No need to say it” He patted the archer’s shoulder just as the elevator doors opened to the common room. Clint turned towards him, expression surprisingly soft.

“You sure you don’t want to eat? Just a little nibble”

“Save me a portion and we’ll see what happens. Tell my other fans I’m sorry I couldn’t make it. Genius doesn’t make itself, you know” With those words, the doors closed behind the archer and the elevator continued on it’s path down to Tony’s ground lab.

His lab was a sight for sore eyes. Thirty feet underground to prevent accidents from shaking the structures of the tower. It wasn’t as big as the one he had in Malibu, but it was big enough to house the equipment he needed, including JARVIS’ scanners and arms for when his suit was too banged up to release. It hadn’t happened since the Mark III, but it was always good to be prepared. A sofa was pushed into one corner, littered with empty cans of alcohol-free beer (damn you, Pepper) and an old pizza box. A blanket was thrown over one of the seats. Aside from that one little space of mess, the rest of the lab was surprisingly clean.

“Alright. Time to put on our thinking caps, J. Give me anything you’ve got” Tony said, plumping down in his chair. On command, the screen in front of him lit up. Bright blue letters and numbers came to life in front of him, calculations and factors for his many different projects. With the swipe of his hand, they were gone, replaced by a clean sheet.

“Okay. Let’s think back…” Tony mumbled, hands moving to hover over the keyboard. It took only a couple of seconds before the idea hit him. “Jarvis, what exactly happened that night on the roof?”

_ “I am unsure, sir. All I know is that you went up at eleven thirty pm. At twelve oh-five am I noticed an increase in heartbeat through your STARK watch, followed by a sudden decrease, which was again followed by an increase. To put it shortly, you seemed to suffer through a very nasty case of arrhythmia. Given your history with arrhythmia since the introduction of the Jericho missile, I quickly called for the closest help available” _ JARVIS explained. Tony thought, letting his AI’s words sink in. Arrhythmia was something he had gotten used to. The cardiologist had said that was something to expect with pieces of metal slowly trying to make their way into his heart, and it wasn’t like that was the first time something like that had happened. But he had never experienced something so severe, at least not since Obie…

“I need to get you some cameras on the roof” He said, quickly writing in an order for new security cameras. Something was telling him there was something more than just an arrhythmia, but he couldn’t for the love of him remember what it was. His brain itched, an uncomfortable feeling that no matter how many times he shook his head, wouldn’t go away. 

_ “That would be much appreciated, sir” _ Said JARVIS.

They sat in silence for a while, JARVIS doing whatever it was JARVIS did on his spare time. Everything from running calculations to watching funny cat videos on youtube. Tony’s fingers were dancing over the keyboard, writing down thoughts and theories as to what could have happened.

“Hey J?”

_ “Yes, sir?” _

“Have you noticed anything… different about me lately?” Tony asked, the typing ceasing. His mind kept going back to waking up on the roof. It was driving him insane.

_ “Nothing that immediately stands out, sir. Would you like to do a scan?” _ JARVIS replied, polite as ever.

“Yeah… a scan might be a good idea, actually” He mumbled. If he really had teleported, or been teleported, there was a chance that it would leave off some sort of energy residue. Tony couldn’t imagine something as big as teleporting could happen without a trace, and if anyone could find out, it was JARVIS. 

Tony got up from his chair, walking over to the human-sized table further in the room. Lying down, he closed his eyes and waited for the familiar buzzing sound of JARVIS’ scanners working their magic. Just like he predicted, JARVIS wasted no time and soon the room was filled with a loud buzz that was oddly soothing.

Tony didn’t know how long he lied there. It was definitely not longer than his time in Bruce’s lab with his out-dated equipment.

_ “Scan complete, sir” _ JARVIS signalled just as the buzzing stopped. Tony yawned tiredly, getting off the table and back to his chair. For the second time, he slumped down in it, feeling the entire day as a heavy weight on his shoulders.

“And?” JARVIS didn’t answer. Tony’s back straightened, his attention sharpening exponentially. “Jarvis?”

_ “I…” _ The AI hesitated, seeming confused. If anything, that only made Tony even more freaked out than the silence.  _ “It is difficult to decipher. There seems to be some form of energy signal, but I can’t get a read on it. It seems similar to the energy emitting from your new arc reactor, but… it doesn’t seem real. Like whatever it is, it is somehow managing to camouflage itself” _

“Camouflage? What the hell do you mean  _ camouflage _ ?!” His voice came out a lot harsher than intended, but he paid it no mind. JARVIS’ words rolled around his head like a vortex, ideas and theories blending in with the mush, one scarier than the other.

_ “I mean there is an unknown energy signal emitting from your body, but it is so well hidden, I cannot seem to pin it down. It almost looks like the arc reactor sprung a leak and is bleeding into the rest of your body”  _ Said the AI. Tony blinked, looking at the image on screen that JARVIS had so kindly supplied him while he was talking. On screen was the basic outline of a man, things like arteries, organs and skeleton all highlighted in a different colours. In the middle of the chest was the hole he recognized as the arc reactor. What bothered him the most was that, just like JARVIS said, there was nothing out of the ordinary. Everything looked completely normal and if the AI hadn’t pointed it out, he wouldn’t have thought any of it at all.

“Arc reactors don’t just leak, Jarvis”

_ “There is no need to tell me, sir” _ Was JARVIS’ snarky reply. Tony allowed a small smile to brush his lips, but it never grew into anything real.

“So what… some kind of anomaly? Come on, J. Give me details!” He tried, already knowing what JARVIS would say. Letting his face rest in his hands, he let out a frustrated sigh. Today had just gone from bad to worse. Starting with the stupid burns in the shower to a god damn car accident he  _ should _ have been more involved in. It was a miracle no one had died, himself included.

_ “I am sorry, sir. But that is all the information I have…” _ There was a pregnant pause before the AI spoke again.  _ “There is one more thing, sir” _

He looked up. “What?”

His answer came when the screen to his left revealed a film. Tony instantly recognized the video as the security footage in his living room. There was him landing outside on the platform, visible only as a glint of red and gold behind the glass. He entered the building, and Tony was surprised at how exhausted he looked. His skin was almost sickly pale, bringing out the dark circles under his eyes. At first, he just looked tired. The inventor remembered something about going to his room. Then his entire demeanour changed. He went from tied/sick-looking to panicking. Tony watched himself stumble, crashing his foot into the raised ground in front of the bar. He collapsed on the ground and stayed that way, shaking like a leaf. It was strange, seeing himself look so… helpless. So scared. It almost made him sick.

Then it happened. JARVIS was calling his name, for the umpteenth time when the glass cabinet across the room exploded without anything even touching it.

Tony stared, eyes wide. “Play that back”

The footage played again. He saw the cabinet explode, his own body jump at the sudden commotion. There was something else though… something… “Zoom in on my hands”

JARVIS did as he was told, and the footage was now focused on his hands which were currently wrapped around his knees tightly. “Now play it back, slowed by 50 percent”

It only covered three frames per second, short enough to be a camera flare if Tony didn’t know better. But he did, which only made the sudden lump of steel in his stomach feel ten times heavier.

A short flash of green danced over his hands right before the cabinet shattered. 


	6. Chapter 6

_ He could feel the pull of gravity like hands around his ankles, pulling at him. Looking down, he could see nothing but the vast, dark emptiness of space. Scattered around were stars, cold and distant. In the back of his mind, some part of him tried to remind him that this was impossible. There was no gravity in space. But that part was pushed away by the ever-present panic clawing at his insides. He was going to fall. He was going to fall, and he was going to die. So he tried, tried to pull himself further up the golden staff he was clinging onto for dear life. The more he tried however, the stronger the pull from space seemed to get. _

_ There was… someone. A person cloaked in shadow standing above him on the broken remnants of whatever the crystal-bridge-thing was. He couldn’t make out their face or shape, but he knew they were his only hope. _

_ When he opened his mouth to call out for help, no sound came out. Desperate, he tried again, a scream this time. He screamed until his throat felt raw and he was heaving for breath, yet no sound escaped. The panic inside him doubled. Whoever they were, they didn’t seem to hear him. _

_ Then he moved. It felt as if his body was being ripped apart, but the relief easily overshadowed it. He was being pulled up, towards help, away from the relentless force always dragging him down. It was a slow process, and he had to fight with all his might to be able to hold onto the god forsaken staff. Finally, he was close enough to the edge to reach out for it. One of his hands managed to latch onto a sharp shard of crystal while the other still held the staff. Pain shot down his arm when the crystal shards drug into his skin, but he didn’t let go. He was too close to let go. _

_ Something, or rather, someone, grabbed him by the neck, pulling him upwards. Instinctively, his hands wrapped around the big, bulky arm which was now holding him by the throat in a choking hold. He gasped when his air-flow suddenly became limited. The hand squeezed until his eyes were bulging. _

_ “Wh… why…-“ He didn’t even know what he was going to ask, as the thought dissipated the moment it took on a solid-enough form. Being suffocated while held over the edge of a bridge leading into the vacuum of space would do that to a person. _

_ “You’re a disgrace” a voice said, and Tony momentarily forgot he was suffocating. Fighting his blurred vision, he managed to focus on the person holding him. Because he  _ knew _ that voice. _

_ But it wasn’t the face he was expecting to meet. Rhodey’s voice still bounced around inside his head, but the face staring back at him was Bruce’s. Confused, and on the verge of unconsciousness, all he could do was grunt his confusion. _

_ “You have any idea what you’ve done? Can you even fathom your own actions?” It was Clint’s voice now, followed by Fury’s face. What the hell… _

_ “The pain you’ve caused. Tens of thousands of people…” Again, the face shifted right before his eyes until Steve was glaring at him angrily while Thor’s voice continued: “… All dead because of you” _

_ Tony’s heart almost stopped when the face morphed once again, blurring in and out of focus, as if indecisive on which individual would be best to torment him with. In the end, it seemed to settle for Natasha. _

_ “You’re no hero. You’re a spoiled child. A parasite; leeching off of the blood of others for a little profit” Pepper’s voice growled. The grip around his throat tightened. Tony was seeing black spots at the edge of his vision. He couldn’t breathe, he couldn’t- _

_ “The only thing you’ve ever fought for is yourself. You’re not a hero,  _ Anthony _ , you never were. You’re not even a proper Stark” This time, his heart did stop. Tony felt every muscle go limp in the choking hold as he stared deep into the brown eyes of his father. Howard wore a cruel smile, stretching his face into something inhuman and horrid. Like out of a nightmare. Tony wanted to scream, but fate seemed to have other plans. His line of sight was darkening exponentially. Pain radiating though his being as a black hole seemed to take form in his chest, pulling away everything until he was left with the god-awful emptiness once again. _

_ “You deserve this. You deserve it all” Obadiah’s voice whispered softly before- _

_ He was thrown, soaring through the nothingness. Every corner seemed to grab a hold of him again, ripping until he was sure his flesh would tear. His soundless scream tore through the nothingness as darkness engulfed him. _

“Tony” He awoke with a startle, heart crawling up in his throat until it became a beating, painful lump, making it difficult to breathe. A scream was already at the tip of his lips, but somehow, he managed to swallow it down before it got too far. As the momentary panic slowly bled away, he finally noticed the pair of warm hands around him, one stroking his back reassuringly while the other simply held him close. The brunette hadn’t noticed when, or even how, but he was leaning into the warmth of another human being. His head rested on her chest, and it was only when he had calmed down enough to take in her soft cooing that he actually noticed who she was.

“Pepper?” He asked, ashamed with how his voice shook. Pepper hummed affirmative, the hands stroking his back moving up to cradle his hair. Just like his mother used to do when he was young. Of course, he had questions, mainly “when did you get here?”. But for now, Tony simply let himself lean into her oh-so comfortable warmth, drinking it in desperately. When did he get so cold?

“It’s just a dream, Tony. Nothing but a bad dream. It can’t hurt you here” Pepper murmured, voice as soft as velvet. And for a second, Tony was actually tempted to believe her.

His beloved partner wiped tears away from his cheeks. He hadn’t even noticed he’d started crying…

They stayed like that. For how long exactly, Tony didn’t know. Time seemed to melt away between his fingers, like trying to hold water. It didn’t bother him at all. Pepper was so warm, so grounding. Had it been up to him, he would have stayed like that forever. His own little time bubble where nothing but Pepper and himself existed. It would be the closest thing to heaven he would ever get. But alas, she pulled away slightly to look him in the eyes.

“Tony…” She started, biting her lip. It was clear she didn’t know what to say. The brunette always found it weird when Pepper was at loss for words, as it so rarely happened. He had gotten used to her always having something to say.

“Pep” he tried, coughing slightly to clear his voice properly.

“How are you feeling?” Tony shrugged in reply. He wasn’t really feeling anything, and it was painful even after his heart had calmed. Like something was left inside him, clawing and scratching at the insides of his chest. The horrible emptiness that no amounts of alcohol could fill.

“’M fine” He murmured, not meeting her eyes. They were in his lab, he noticed. Nothing had changed since… he must have fallen asleep at the desk again. One day, it would really kill his back, he thought humourlessly. Pepper lifted his gaze from his surroundings, forcing him to look at her now sterner face.

“Tony…” She said. It was amazing how her tone could sound both worried and warning at the same time. “You’re not fine”

Well, no need to sugar-coat it, Pep, Tony thought to himself as he averted his gaze from those penetrating blue orbs. Why was it that lying never worked on her? Not that it would keep him from trying.

“Really, Pep, you said so yourself. It was just a nightmare. I’m fine now” He tried. The woman’s brows knotted together for a second, as if he was a curious puzzle she couldn’t quite figure out. Still, after years of trial and error, tony had found the best way to talk to Pepper was with her own words.

“And you being stuck on a skyscraper all day?” Tony didn’t answer. “Tony, I had to lie to the press. The least you can do is tell me what happened”

He pulled away, startling her with the sudden movement. Once warm chocolate eyes were now cold and empty as he stared at her in sudden distress. Although the action wasn’t directed against her at all. He just couldn’t get the thoughts out of his head. The burns on his wrist, which still mocked him every time he looked down at his hands. Waking up on the skyscraper and now the glass cabinet. The green light. It all stood out too clear in his mind. For a second he actually considered telling her. Spilling every drop weighing down his shoulder onto her until there was nothing left to say.

But no… he couldn’t do that to her. She had enough to deal with already. Like running  _ his _ company and being his main spokesman to the press when he couldn’t attend. Hell, she even picked up his dry-cleaning still. And tony just couldn’t get himself to add to her own load by dumping his bullshit on her.

“I was testing out one of the new self-driving car models and it sorta went wrong, didn’t wanna face the public” Tony lied smoothly, looking away in shame as a pink tinge formed on his cheeks, making him look even more guilty. Pepper blinked once, twice, and Tony knew he was in for a round. She didn’t buy it for a second, of course. Her arms crossed over her puffed-out chest.

“Do you really think I’ll fall for the same BS you wanted me to give to Happy and the press? I know you better than that” She sounded more tired than angry, which was both a relief and curse for Tony. God, he hated lying to her. Ever since the palladium incident, he had told himself he would be better for her, that he wouldn’t keep secrets anymore. But what the hell else was he supposed to do? It wasn’t that he didn’t trust her. He trusted her with his life. He just couldn’t trust himself with hers.

When he didn’t say anything, Pepper let out a slow sigh, her arms dropping to her sides. “Fine. If you don’t want to tell me, I can’t force you to. Just talk to someone… You can’t continue like this-”

“Like what?” Tony cut in, feigning confusion.

“ _ This _ ” She waved her arms around the room, motioning toward everything and nothing at the same time. “Everything, Tony. It’s wrong. Every time something happens, you lock yourself away from everyone close to you. You barely eat, you only drink whiskey and I don’t even want to think about how little sleep you get. Tony…” Her voice softened. “You don’t have to go through this alone. The world doesn’t have to rest on your shoulders”

He tried his best to avoid the obvious hurt in her eyes. Averting his gaze, he once again focused on the bandages swirled around his wrists. He would have to change them soon, probably. Even if the wound didn’t hurt, he didn’t want to risk an infection on top of everything. Could his wounds have something to do with- oh right, Pepper.

His shoulders slumped slightly, he drew a short breath in, locked eyes with Pepper and said: “I’m fine”

This time she was the one to draw back. Her eyes narrowed, glaring down at his wrists before shifting her gaze back at his face.

“And you passing out on the roof? When were you going to inform me of that? Or what happened to your hands” again, Tony found his tongue turned heavy in his mouth. How did she know? He hadn’t told her about that, hadn’t even thought about it until now. Pepper’s shoulders sagged, hanging loosely at her sides as the realisation hit her. “you weren’t going to…”

She stepped back even further, turning her back to him as she pinched the bridge of her nose. A long, deep sigh escaped her. Tony reached out for her, wanting to desperately to offer some kind of comfort. He pulled his hand away, memories of green light flashing like a warning in his mind.

“I…” He tried, swallowing to rid himself of the hefty lump which had taken residence in his throat. It didn’t work, and the lump was growing painfully big. He couldn’t touch her, couldn’t hold her. What if something happened? He’d destroyed the cabinet, at least he thought that he had given the evidence. Who knew what he could do to a human, to Pepper. God, if anything happened to her…

“You need to leave…” The words left his mouth almost on their own accord. Still, he didn’t take them back. Pepper… everyone were in danger until he could figure out what this all was.

“What…?”

“I’m sorry, Pepper. You need to-” he was cut off when Pepper took a determined step towards him, eyes sparking with the fire Tony had come to love over the years.

“Tony, what are you talking about?” Despite the sharp edge to her voice, there was an undying softness to her features, giving away her worry for him even when she tried to mask it with annoyance. Tony swallowed again.

“It’s just…” He paused. What the fuck was he supposed to say? What was he supposed to do? Damn… “Something’s come up”

She cocked her head to the side, a few loose strands of red hair following the motion. The tip of her ears had taken on a deep pink tone, giving away her exhaustion. He knew that exhaustion came from him. That she was tired and didn’t get enough sleep because she was worried about him. God, what was he doing to this beautiful woman?

“Tony…” She said, reaching out for him. Tony flinched, not daring to meet her eyes in fear of the disappointment he would so surely find there. For a while, everything was silent between them. Had it not been for her breathing, Tony would have thought she’d left.

A warm hand touched his chin, pushing and urging him to look up at her. Instinctively, the engineer embraced the contact, leaning into the warmth and letting his eyes slip closed. Warm breath brushed across his cheek. When he opened his eyes, he was staring right into the deep blue of the most beautiful woman he knew. Part of him wanted to push away, to run away in fear of hurting her. However, that was all pushed down when she leaned in, allowing their lips to meet. It was quick, but the tingling feeling lingered even after she’d pulled away.

“I’m not going anywhere” She said, her voice so soft and delicate. The polar opposite of what it had been only a few minutes ago. Tony’s lip quivered, and he didn’t even know why at this point. Everything was welling up inside him, conflicting with the gaping hole in his chest. His brain was flooded with emotion, yet feeling nothing and he just couldn’t take it.

Before he could even register what he was doing, Tony had reached around the back of her neck and pushed their lips back together in a messy -more teeth and lips- kiss. A fire had lit in his chest, growing with each breath he took. He knew he was endangering her, and it only made him hate himself even more when he didn’t pull away.

“I need you” The words were but a breath of air, but they spoke with every fibre of his heart. 


	7. Chapter 7

Tony stirred, eyes fluttering under his heavy eyelashes. He struggled against the weight of sleep still tying him down. A loud groan escaped him as he rolled over, hand reaching over the bed to wrap around the warm body he knew would be there. Or should have. His eyes finally opened, staring at the empty spot on the bed next to him, where the duvet had been pulled aside. The mattress was still warm under the palm of his hand.

He opened his mouth, ready to ask JARVIS where his girlfriend was when the door to his room flew open and Pepper jumped in on one foot while trying desperately to get a sock on the other. Her red hair was set up in a messy, incomplete bun. Rouge stands of hair was sticking out to all sides, much like those weird troll-things children got at the dentist. She was wearing only black underwear and a white, almost see-through shirt. Her face was flush enough to match the colour of her hair. Tony raised an eyebrow at her, unsure of what exactly he was supposed to do.

“I’m late!” She practically yelled, finally finishing with the sock.

“Late?” Tony echoed dumbly.

“For the meeting with Mr. Hinch!” Ah… the disgusting old man who had hit on her more than once despite being over sixty years old. Tony groaned, rubbing his hands over his face to clear his vision. God, he still wanted to sleep. Meanwhile, Pepper was running back and forth picking up her clothes from yesterday. Ugh… he could feel his thoughts turn sour at the mere thought of yesterday. He felt his chest clench at the memories of… everything, but shook his head quickly. No, no he would not start the day off like that. Not after he and Pepper had gotten oh-so busy the night before. Besides, she was stressed out enough as it was. No need to add emo-Tony into that mix. He had no interest in getting yelled at.

“Well then” Tony mumbled, forcing his legs to take him out of bed and into the bathroom connected to his room. On his way he passed DUM-E, who was helpfully trying to pick up Pepper’s skirt. Tony threw him a quick “hope you haven’t been here all night” as he passed.

Inside the bathroom, he met himself in the mirror. His hair was ruffled, much like Pepper’s, but messier and sweat-drenched. A row of hickeys painted his neck, shoulder and collarbone, again, much like those marking Pepper’s skin. The sight brought a smile to his lips as he mumbled to himself: “Pepper, you kinky girl”

His eyes trailed down to his bandaged wrists, lingering on the red spots soaking through. Damn… With shaking fingers, he slowly removed one of the bandages around his arm. Tony’s heart came to a stuttering halt when he saw his wrist. The once fresh burn was now healed down to white scar tissue, barely visible unless the light hit it right. Curious, he traced the scar with his fingers. The bumpy skin felt alien under his touch, and he got the strangest feeling that he wasn’t supposed to have these scars…

There was a sharp knock on the door. “Tony, whenever you’re done in there”

Right. He’d almost forgotten Pepper was still here. Quickly, he pulled off the other bandage, throwing them both in the trashcan next to the toilet. Using the sink, he wiped off the traces of blood still on his wrists and hands before opening the door. Pepper jumped inside the bathroom, rushing to the sink. She was mostly dressed now, though her skirt was a bit off and very wrinkly from the harsh treatment he’d given it yesterday when the zipper had gotten stuck.

She began applying her makeup, or rather covering up the mess he’d made of yesterday’s makeup. For a while, Tony simply watched her artistic hands work while his thoughts trailed back to last night. He still felt it better to push her away, to keep her safe until he knew better what was going on in life, but a different part of him had grown very possessive of her, refusing to let her go. And as much as he hated to admit it, that part of him was growing exponentially. Finally, he sighed, walking over to stand behind her. Tenderly, but without much practice, he started brushing her hair back with his fingers. She merely glanced at his reflection in the mirror, a small smile gracing her lips before her focus was pulled back to her mascara.

“You know, I would feel better if you decided to come with me today” Pepper said after a while, reaching for her lipstick. Tony hummed his acknowledgement, but didn’t say anything. He was too focused on taming the wild strands of ginger hair. It felt good, just being this close to another human being and fixing something at the same time. “I’m sure Mr. Hinch would appreciate you showing up as well”

“So I can punch him in the face like last time? Didn’t know he was into that sort of thing” Tony mumbled, eyes never leaving his work.

This time it was Pepper’s turn to hum thoughtfully. Last time Tony had been in the presence of Mr. Henry Hinch, it had ended with the man’s nose bleeding after a few badly placed (he wasn’t even subtle about it, Pepper!) words and a few too many drinks in Tony. Company be damned, no one other than him could be allowed to talk to Pepper like that.

His chest flared at the thought of Mr. Hinch reaching out, stroking his way up Pepper’s arm like he belonged there, like he had every right to even look at her. He jolted back when he saw the barely-noticeable flare of green under his skin. No, not again! Not while Pepper was here.

The green tinge had disappeared as quick as it had appeared, and the feeling in his chest loosened. Tony blinked, studying his hands. Could he have imagined it? Was he growing (more) paranoid?

“Tony?” Pepper asked, looking over her shoulder to meet his eyes. The engineer cleared his throat, letting his hands fall dumbly to his side. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, sorry. Just managed to scratch my own hand. Haven’t been getting enough sleep lately” He said, quickly. It was as good a cover story as ever. Pepper, for her part, seemed hesitant to believe him. But in the end, she decided it best to leave it alone.

Standing from her chair, she gave him a sly smile which he couldn’t help but return.

“Well, I have to go now. How do I look?” She asked, feeling the tight bun Tony had made of her hair. It looked surprisingly good, if he said so himself, which he didn’t, but still. Tony licked his lips, allowing his eyes to trail over her body, drinking in her form. She looked…

“Ravishing. Not sure how comfortable I am with that”

Pepper chuckled slightly, exiting the bathroom with Tony at her heels.

“If he tries anything, I’ll give him one on the nose and tell him it was from you, and then one from me”

“You’d better” Tony grinned, before saying, with more earnestly: “Good luck today”

“Thank you. I’ll hopefully be back by dinner” She turned towards the door, having grabbed her handbag at some point during their short conversation. A quick glance down at her clock and she was practically vibrating with stress again.

Before she disappeared out the door of their bedroom, she turned and gave Tony a look demanding attention. “Get some rest, Tony…”

It looked like she was about to say something else too, but her mouth closed and she was gone with a wave.

The moment the door closed behind her, the smile slipped off of Tony’s lips like a wet rag. He took a tentative step back, then another and another until he fell back on the bed. Staring down at his hands, Tony swallowed thickly. They were shaking, same as his breath. He closed his eyes, shifting his focus to his breathing. In, pause, out. In, pause out. Calm and collected. At some point, he wasn’t exactly sure when, he moved to cup his face in his hands. In, pause, out.

It was difficult, trying to focus on calming down when flashes of green behind his eyelids kept throwing him off. All the while he couldn’t shake the feeling he’d forgotten something.

“Hey, J?” Tony asked after awhile of just silence.

_ “Sir?”  _ JARVIS dutifully replied.

“How long did I sleep yesterday, before Peps came and woke me up” There was something itching in his brain, and he hated having itches he couldn’t scratch. He hesitated for a second, before continuing. “And did anything… strange happen in that time?”

_ “Three hours, sir. And I can assure you, sir. Nothing strange has happened since the accident last night. However, it might be worth mentioning that lack of proper rest caused by nightly terrors seems to have increased with fifteen percent” _ Came JARVIS’ smooth drawl.

“Fifteen percent…?” Tony repeated, dumbly. He had woken up covered in cold sweat and even screaming, but he couldn’t remember… Again, the feeling of ice clamping around his arc reactor, spreading through his body like cold water, engulfed him. He let out a surprised yelp, hand automatically going to his chest as if to somehow pull it out of him. Around him, the world was darkening, consumed by endless void and distant stars at the edges. Oh god no… not again.

_ “Sir?”  _ the AI sounded concerned. DUM-E whirred, wheeling over to where Tony was hunched over the bed. A small nudge from the experimental AI, and Tony was back before he’d even left. The room was spinning dangerously, but it was better than the senseless expedition into nothing.

“I’m okay” Tony forced out through gritted teeth. He had to lean against DUM-E for support while the tightening feeling around his lungs slowly subsided.

_ “Shall I alert Dr. Banner?”  _ JARVIS asked.   

“No!” Tony snapped instantly. He blinked at his sudden reaction, shaking his head to clear it. Clearing his throat, he spoke again, calmer this time. “No… Don’t. Not yet, at least. No need to worry anyone”

_ “I apologize for my bluntness, sir, but I think it might be a bit too late for that” _ The window over the city darkened, casting the room in shadow before lighting up with an image. Tony stared. Steve, Natasha and Clint were gathered in the common area, sitting around the dinner table even though Tony had bought perfectly comfortable sofas that were standing only a few meters away. He scoffed.

_ “I just don’t understand. I’ve tried to talk to him, but he just doesn’t listen!”  _ Steve’s voice rang out through the speakers as the super soldier threw his arms frustrated into the air on screen. Tony’s eyes narrowed. They were talking about him…

_ “Oh, don’t bother. He’s Tony Stark. Let him be Tony Stark” _ Clint said, looking very bored for having to be there. Tony got the sneaking suspicion that he was only there because Natasha was keeping him hostage.

_ “Yeah, I get that. It’s just… He’s Howard’s son. I feel responsible for him, I guess. And after what happened on the roof, he seems even more antisocial than normal” _ Steve mumbled, combing one of his colossal hands through his hair. Natasha’s head perked in interest.

_ “Roof? What happened on the roof?”  _ Clint was the first to ask, straightening in his chair. The super soldier sighed, shaking his head slightly as he would often do when Tony had done something particularly childish, which probably happened a lot more than any of them liked. Tony watched as Steve re-told the tale of how he’d fainted like a girl on his own roof, freaking JARVIS out enough to call for aid. He gritted his teeth, trying to beat down the cold numbness creeping up his spine at the empty space in his memory.

_ “-and yesterday he wore bandages around his wrists. There is something he's not telling us, I just know it. Just can't figure out why. We're a team, aren't we? We're supposed to be able to trust each other, yet..." _ Steve trailed off.

_ "Yet... what?" _ Clint asked, just as Tony echoed the same words into the empty bedroom.

_ "He just... doesn't. I don't understand it. Howard never had trouble talking about what troubled him, but Tony is a whole different story" _ Again, Tony gritted his teeth. He hated being constantly compared to Howard. Hated the pressure of having to live up to his old man's legacy. Hadn't he passed that legacy years ago? Apparently not.

_ "Huh... it's funny you say that"  _ Clint said, looking, for once, more thoughtful and alert. The two companions of his turned to look at him, curious.  _ "Well... it's probably nothing. But yesterday, when I was going to get him for dinner..." _

_ "Yes...?" _ Natasha and Steve asked, perfectly synchronized in the way only creepy horror-movie twins (and them, apparently) could manage. For a second, Clint looked hesitant, which was an unusual trait for the overly confident archer. He glanced around the room, seemingly looking for something to hold his gaze that wasn't Nat of Steve. How curious...

_ "Well. When I got there he looked like he'd just had a mental breakdown. Like, soldier with PTSD kind of breakdown. And you know that overly prized glass cabinet he has?" _ The others nodded while the billionaire scoffed.  _ "Yeah, it was all over the room. Looked like someone had thrown a fucking bomb at it" _

Steve and Natasha gave each other a look Tony couldn't quite decipher before the Widow turned to her friend again.

_ "What excuse did he give you?" _

_ "That his creepy robot crashed into it. Don't believe that for one second though. There was waaay too much debris for it to have been just knocked over" _ DUM-E, creepy? What the hell kind of bullshit was that? The billionaire rolled his eyes, casting a glance over his shoulder to see the little droid was already hard at work trying to fold his clothes... trying and failing.

"You're not creepy at all" Tony mumbled, causing DUM-E to look up with a confused whirr, dropping his boxer on the floor. He smiled, giving the robot a little wave of acknowledgement before turning back to the screen where the conversation was still going.

_ "When I was sent to evaluate him for shield, he was dying" _ Tony blinked. Apparently he'd missed a portion of their conversation without realizing. Natasha continued.

_ "Palladium poisoning in the chest. Although he's not very good at hiding when something is wrong, Tony can be stubborn to the bone when he doesn't want you to know something. It took me several days in his employment to find out what was making him act so self-destructive. He didn't trust anyone, not even Pepper" _ That was a lie! Of course he trusted Pepper. He trusted her with his life... right?

Tony frowned, trying to ignore that little voice in the back of his head whispering;  _ Then why did you never tell her?  _ Stubbornly, he decided to shake the thought before it could get a real hold, although he knew it was already too late for that. Instead, he focused his attention back on the screen.

_ "But we're a team. How are we supposed to have each other's backs in the field if we can't show trust around each other at home?" _ Steve asked, voice bordering the line of frustration once again. A twisted little part of Tony felt nothing but satisfaction at his ability to get under the captain's skin. It would seem Steve would never be happy with him until he was a Howard Stark 2.0.

_ “It’s not always that easy, Cap. Ask yourself, would you really trust Tony to have your back in the battlefield-“ _

“Off” Tony snapped before Natasha had even finished talking. Instantly, the screen went dark. The windows became clear once again, letting in the blinding light of day. On autopilot, he blinked, eyes adjusting to the sudden brightness.

_ “Are you alright, sir?” _ JARVIS asked, voice soft. Tony thought about it. Their words were circling around his head, bringing up some of the previous fear of SHIELD finding out. But those thoughts were put far behind what Natasha had said. He reached for his emotions, anything really; anger, sorrow, betrayal maybe? It was like picking up water with his fists. The indifference towered over everything and it made him feel broken.

“Yeah, I’m fine, J. I’m fine…” He breathed in, paused, and out. DUM-E wheeled over to him, nudging his shoulder with a metal claw. Tony ignored it. “Hey J…. how about you just take a few minutes break, huh? Whaddaya say?”

_ “Sir?” _ The AI sounded so confused. The tiny bit of hurt slipping into his voice was like a fist to Tony’s gut. But he needed this.

“Deactivate AI designation Jarvis-“ He ignored the protesting ‘sir!’. “Override code 01216-HS1991”

The tower went completely dark, JARVIS’ voice fading with the lights. Only a split second later everything went back online, with the exception of the AI. DUM-E gave a confused whirr, looking at him, head tilted to the side. Tony bit his lip, pushing down on the guilt. He  _ needed _ this, at least that’s what he told himself.

Without wasting too much time, he threw on some simple clothes, opened the secret compartment in the closet and fished out a bottle of ten-year-old Laphroaig. His hands were shaking around the neck of the bottle. Quickly, Tony made his way to the elevator which would take him to the staircase. Following the stairs, he found himself in his second-best hideout. The open sky framed the city, reflecting perfectly on the darker ocean. The fresh breeze, although contaminated with exhaust and filth, felt fresh. It was easy to block out the sounds of New York’s reconstruction. To just closed his eyes, breathed easy and brought the bottle to his lips.

JARVIS would be disappointed in him. So would Pepper and Rhodey and… well, he disappointing everybody right now. Not that there was anything new about  _ that _ . The only person who had never shown much disappointment in Tony was Obadiah, and look where that went. He swallowed down the thought with another swig of the bottle, letting the bitter-sweet liquid burn its way down his throat.

Although he knew it was nothing but a dark illusion, it felt like the alcohol helped clear his mind. It made everything simpler to grasp. So he drank and drank and drank some more, until he was almost halfway through the bottle. Then he took a break, corking the bottle and placing it aside. The city was beautiful today, he thought aimlessly to himself, eyes trailing the line of skyscrapers touching the horizon, none of which could match the design or height of his building. Tony had always liked being high up, hence the flying suit.

At one point, his gaze had moved from the city down to his hands. His thinking process had come to a halt, slowed by the effects of whiskey. His thoughts trailed back to last night, not really grasping any of the delicate threads his memories consisted of. Tony found himself playing with the idea of controlling the green light, which didn’t make any sense because he didn’t know jack shit about what it was or where it came from. He twirled his fingers in elegant patterns, or at least they looked elegant to his drunken haze.

A slurred chuckle escaped him, followed by a hollow belly laugh which increased until he was lying on the ground laughing at full force. Tears streamed down his face, from empty laughter or demented sorrow he didn’t know. He reached for the bottle again, ripping the cork off with his teeth like some barbarian before pouring the substance down his throat, nearly choking on it. Most of the content got on his shirt or the floor, but he didn’t care. He needed more, mind consumed by need to drink, to fall back into that amazing haze where nothing really mattered anymore. Where all he had to worry about was drinking more of this god forsaken poison he craved so much of.

That was how they found him. Curled around an empty bottle, his entire body shaking with laughter from something that wasn’t even all that funny. But wasn’t that what crazies like him did? Laughing back at the world, because the world won’t stop laughing at him...


	8. Chapter 8

Tony was angry, which to him was justified. He’d been brought back inside when Natasha and Steve found him on the roof, laughing at the sky. They had brought him down, much to his protest because he had wanted to look at the pretty, green lights, whatever that had meant. And to top it all off, Natasha had jabbed a syringe into his neck for the second time, and whatever it was, it had completely flushed the alcohol from his system. Which had cost him much time wasted in the bathroom, emptying his bladder off almost an entire bottle of quality whiskey, which he had wasted most of on his shirt (although that was more on him than on the others).

Now he was sitting confined to a chair with three Avengers looking down at him. All Tony could think while he tried desperately not to look up at their disappointed faces was: I am way to sober for this shit. JARVIS had been reactivated, but hadn’t said anything to either him nor the Avengers, which only helped to increase the feeling of guilt which had returned all too soon once the alcohol was flushed. He just hoped and prayed the AI hadn’t instantly told Pepper. All in all, the situation was looking way too much like an intervention for his liking, and he was so relieved that Bruce wasn’t amongst them.

“Do you want to explain yourself?” Steve was the first to speak up, naturally.

Tony shook his head, not meeting the soldier’s eyes. “Not really”

Apparently, that wasn’t the answer Steve had expected nor hoped for. He stomped his foot angrily in the ground, which reminded Tony way too much like a three-year-old with a tantrum for the chuckle  _ not _ to come out.

“You think this is funny, Tony?” Steve snapped at him, quickly choking the laughter in Tony. The inventor finally looked up, tired eyes staring at Steve’s nose rather than those blue eyes sparking with anger.

“Not at all. That was a very good bottle of whiskey and you just made me waste it”

“I think pouring it all over your shirt and roof was more wasting than Nat sobering you up again” Clint muttered from behind Steve. Tony sent a glare in his general direction, not caring if he hit the mark or not.

“Tony, what the hell were you thinking!?” Steve nearly shouted. His face had turned a deep shade of red, and for a second Tony was worried his head was going to pop. The soldier stepped closer to him, the inventor pushed away. He didn’t need to take this shit. Standing from his chair, with Steve still towering over him to assert his dominance or whatever it is animals do, he started towards the elevator doors. Now he had to find another bottle and-

Natasha stepped in front of him. Her shoulders relaxed, a sign Tony recognized as a warning before she lashed out. It was much easier to admit defeat than end up with a broken back. Still, he wanted to push against her, throw her aside and walk right out of the room.

Steve and Clint came up from behind, trapping him inside a small circle. He growled, but didn’t do anything to get to the elevator. Even Tony Stark could see when he was in a losing battle.

“What is this, huh? An intervention?” He hissed, turning to Steve with lightning in his eyes. The super soldier looked like he was trying to control his temper, doing a better job at it than Tony.

“We just want to talk to you, Tony. That’s all” Natasha said from behind him. Tony did a one-eighty, unable to stop the surprise on his face at the softness of her voice. She almost sounded sincere, and if Tony hadn’t fallen for the same crap several times before, he might have believed her. Instead, he sneered:

“Yes! Let us all sit down in a little circle while we braid each other’s hair and talk about life’s big problems. Hey, we can play truth or dare! Let’s start with you,  _ Natalie _ ”

Her face hardened.

“Stark!” Said Clint, coming to his friend’s rescue. Tony felt a hand on his shoulder, a loose yet warning grip from the Captain. He spun around, shaking it off while pushing through the two men standing side by side. So much for taking Pepper’s advice and relax. Fuck the Avengers, he thought bitterly, on his way to the fridge. If he was stuck here he might as well get something to eat. The sound of Steve’s footsteps followed closely behind him, and Tony was honestly tempted to turn around and smack him. His blood was boiling in his veins. A barely contained force just begging to be released, itching across his skin like ants.

He threw open the door to the fridge, glaring at the content. His appetite had all but dissipated. Instead, he took a few calming breaths, relishing in the calming cold air from the fridge. What did people usually do when they were angry? Count to ten, right. One, two, three, four, five, six- fuck it! The square root of one is one, of two is one-point-four-one-four-two, of three is one-point-seven-three-two-zero, of four-

A warm hand on his shoulder, no doubt an attempt to calm him down. Because every sane person only needed a hug and a pat on the back when pissed off. Great fucking logic, Steve!

“What do you want from me?!” It was supposed to come out as calm and collected, not blind rage. Sadly, Tony had never been one for impulse control. Steve pulled his hand back as if he’d been burned, staring at Tony with hard eyes. He could see it there, deep in those sky-blues. The need to start a fight, to set Tony in his place. It didn’t take a genius to know the same spark, the same need, burned in his own eyes as well.

“Tony,” He breathed, gathered his thoughts it seemed. “We’re a team. When something is going on, you need to tell us”

Tony could feel the anger from the captain in waves, despite his calmer tone. He could almost see the colour, the wavy lines of heat polluting the air around him. It was almost sickeningly sweet. Steve wasn’t fooling anyone.

“Okay, first; Nothing is going on. And second, even if there was I don’t have to tell you squat. Land of the free, Mr. America. I’m entitled my privacy” The inventor argued, glaring up at the blonde, his stance just as offensive as Steve’s. What had Bruce called them again? A chemical mixture waiting to go off. Tony could definitely feel the chemicals. His hands were shaking. In the back of his mind, there was a tiny little voice that questioned where this sudden anger came from. But right now, it was too easy to just lie down in the flames and let them fuel him further.

“Tony, we’re worried-”

“-That you can’t trust me?” The words slipped over his tongue before he could stop them.

“What?” Steve asked, looking taken aback for a second. He actually took a step away and Tony wanted to laugh. The two assassins had stepped back a bit, taking in the scene but always ready to intervene if they needed to. Hell, Tony wouldn’t be surprised if they pulled out a camera and a notebook. The calculating look in Natasha’s eyes was a dead give-away.

"No, we're worried about  _ you _ " The soldier said, having picked himself up from the surprise of Tony's accusation. He continued: "First Jarvis wouldn't reply to any of us, and then we find you blackout drunk on the roof  _ laughing _ "

Tony resisted the urge to roll his eyes, barely.

"What, I'm not allowed to get drunk in my own home, is that it?" He snapped, still feeling the anger like a pulsing fire, pooling at his hands and fingers, waiting to be released. But no, he wouldn't-  _ couldn't _ do that. The image of the cabinet flashed dangerously in his mind, a warning that the risk was too great. The SHIELD spies were still so close, there was no doubt where they would go if they found out. No, Tony needed to get out, get to his lab. There he was safe, safe from SHIELD and the Captain, safe in his own little bubble in the world.

"What if something had happened, huh? What if there was another attack and we needed to be there. What would we do if you were too gone to show up?!" Steve had raised his voice as well. It was almost fascinating to see the embodiment of peace his father had never shut up about when he was still alive, so angry. A multitude of emotions passed through those eyes all at once, so many that Tony had trouble labelling them all.

"For your information, I have flown and fought in that suit while drunk several times before, and it's worked out pretty well so far" Okay, that might not have been the best thing to mention in front of Steve and two SHIELD agents. Steve's face became, if it was even possible, even redder.

"You  _ what?! _ " He almost yelled, and Tony's breath actually caught in his throat. That voice, that angry yell, was almost exactly like Howard's. "Tony, do you have any idea how  _ dangerous _ that is? The damage you could have caused?! What is wrong with you?"   

Too much to put to words…

“Come on, Cap. It’s not like the world will end just because I actually drink some of the overly expensive whiskey I keep buying” Tony argued, trying to bring back some of the earlier bravado. Steve had his shield, and Tony had his winning personality that would probably one day get him killed. The soldier looked stuck between a rock and a hard place. With his arms at his sides, fingers twitching slightly as if burning to do something, he looked almost pitiful. A man whose view on life didn’t fit, and he was only now realizing. This isn’t the war, captain. The world doesn’t consist of black and white.

“It’s irresponsible” Was his final argument, and Tony applauded him for it.

“Have you read anything at all since you were pulled out of the freezer? Irresponsible is my middle name” He said, voice a strange mix of a sneer and humour. The fire was still burning, blossoming under the thin layers of skin. Did Steve know anything about him at all? There were hundreds of articles, over a dozen biographies and psychoanalysis’. Especially since he came out as Iron Man.

“That isn’t an excuse Tony. We were scared something had happened to you” Oh sure you are, Tony thought bitterly. He wanted to leave the room, wanted out of the puffy air full of anger and heat. The anger was like a physical fire burning up inside him, and he wanted out before it burned a hole in his chest.

“Please, Steve” He growled, glaring up at the super soldier as if daring him to say anything. “The only reason I’m still on this team is because I make pretty toys for Fury and his kindergarten of an organisation. The only reason I’m still making toys for SHIELD is because they have proved themselves to be somewhat useful. This here” He motioned between them, Steve, Clint, Natasha and himself. “This is a business arrangement.  _ Nothing else _ . We came together as a  _ team _ to stop a maniac with a horn fetish, not to become BFFs and run around the park”

The words simply dripped from his tongue like venom, and Tony was caught in a moment where he was unsure if he meant them or not. Before he got to put more thought into it however, their Captain spoke:

“Do you have any idea how selfish you’re being? We’re trying to help you, why can’t you see that?!”

“Because I don’t need help. I’ve managed through life perfectly well on my own, and I’m not going to change the way I live just because an old man in spandex told me to”

This was where Natasha decided to unhelpfully cut in.

“The first time we met you were dying for the third time in a span of two years” He gave her a pointed glare, wishing he could wipe that smug look off her face.

“Thanks” He forced out sarcastically, turning back to Steve who was staring at him with a mix of anger and that damn worry Tony hated. If he could just rip that emotion out of him, life would be a hell of a lot better. Did he look like a man in need of pity? No, no he did not. “So I’ve had some bumps in the road. So what? Everyone has a bad day”

“You were dying, Tony, and you didn’t tell anyone about it” Natasha said again, stepping a bit closer. Like a loyal puppy, Clint followed suit. Tony felt himself being pressed into a corner, back pushed against the fridge. A constant reminder that there was nowhere he could go. If that convenient as fuck teleporting-thing would be useful, it was now. So of course, nothing happened.

“I want to leave. I want you to get out of my way, right the fuck now” He glared at them all, daring them to do or say anything. His hands were shaking, his knees weakened until they felt like jelly. Steve looked conflicted, and Tony could practically see those rusty old cogwheels turn in his head. He didn’t stick around for it however, moving to walk past the super soldier. The plan was to try the door again and if anyone of them tried to stop him, he would-

Someone, definitely Steve, grabbed his arm, bringing him to a sudden halt. “What would your father think-”

That was it. The final straw, the string cut, the glass overflowing, everything. Tony was sure his heart would leap out of his chest if it wasn’t for the arc reactor blocking it’s path. Or maybe it would just stop dead in it’s track? It didn’t matter.

“ _ Fuck my father!” _ Tony yelled, feeling all the anger he’d been beating down on surge up inside of him all at once. And all because of one simple word. The lights flickered, blinking on and off in desperation. Tony didn’t even notice, too caught up in the  _ burning _ feeling of Steve’s hand on his arm. He grabbed it, yanking it off with more force than necessary.

“My father was a worthless piece of shit who never gave two flying fucks about me or anyone else. The only thing he  _ did _ seem to care about was bringing home a new woman to fuck every night and finding a frozen kid pumped up on steroids!”

The captain looked, for once in his life, shell-shocked. Like he couldn’t quite comprehend Tony’s words. The truth probably didn’t make much sense to Mr. Perfect, Tony thought.

“He wasn’t like that…” Tony could almost have felt bad for him. Suddenly, he looked a lot more like a lost boy than a strong, relentless soldier. “He was a good man. He saved lives”

Tony shook his head, feeling some of the fire quench. Steve looked so confused, he couldn’t tell if it was funny or sad. “Not the Howard Stark I knew. He worked on the world’s first nuclear bombs. Befriended killers and destroyed countless lives, including my own”

The soldier shook his head, denial dancing between his eyes.

“No. He was a hero. If it hadn’t been for him, I wouldn’t be here” He tried, but it was obvious the captain was losing. A twisted sense of glee twirled in Tony’s stomach. He would later think of how disgusting that was.

“A hero?” The word felt like a mockery. “Steve, if it hadn’t been for my dad, countless of lives would have been spared” There was a heavy silence in the room, and Tony could all but hear their thoughts.  _ And what’s so different about you? _ Or was that his thoughts? He didn’t even know anymore. The thoughts of his father, the memories that had been brought up, tasted like bile.

“You’re wrong” Steve raised his voice again, catching his ground a bit. “Howard was a good man. He would give anything to protect the people he cared about”  _ Unlike you _ …

The lights flickered again.

“Well then you and I got to know two very different sides of the same coin, because the Howard  _ I _ knew didn’t have any people to give anything for. He was a cruel, greedy old man that couldn’t even spare his own son a second glance. My father was a murderer who didn’t care whose blood he spilled as long as he got what he wanted” Was he still talking about Howard? It was getting harder and harder to tell.

“Shut up, Tony. I knew Howard, worked with him for years before you were even born” Steve stepped closer, looming over Tony. The billionaire’s face hardened, and soon the two of them were standing so close their noses were almost touching.

“Yeah, and then you  _ died _ . People change, Rogers. It’s about time you realized that. The world isn’t your private strip club, and whatever game you played back in the forties, it’s  _ over _ . You were gone, and the world moved on. Just accept it already and do the same”

That damned silence passed between them again, while Steve tried to come up with a good comeback. The two assassins Tony had nearly forgotten about, exchanged glances, and he could have sworn it was like an entire conversation passed between them without a single word. Whatever it was, it probably meant bad news for him, but he didn’t get much time to ponder on it when Steve finally opened his mouth again. This time, he sounded almost defeated, which only sent another sudden spike of guilt straight to Tony’s growing pile.

“What would he say if he could see you now…” It was barely a whisper, but Tony caught it nonetheless. With a simple shrug, he replied:

“He’s probably rolling in his grave”

With that final blow, he left. This time, no one tried to stop his approach for the elevator. There was a heavy weight over his shoulders. He felt like a rubber band ready to snap at any given moment. Like all he needed was a small push before he would explode. Trying to take his mind off it, he focused on breathing heavily. Just like Bruce had told him when he explained how he kept the Hulk in check. In and out, calm and relaxed.

Before he even reached the panel for the elevator, the doors opened and speaking of the devil in green. Bruce stepped out, eyes instantly locking onto Tony. The inventor groaned inwardly, instantly recognizing the “I need to talk to you” look in Bruce’s eyes.

“Tony-” The doctor started, but Tony was already inside the elevator.

“Not now, Bruce” He all but snapped, feeling bad for the sharp edge in his throat that  _ wasn’t _ supposed to be directed at Bruce. “Jarvis, lab. Now”

The elevator doors slipped closed. 


	9. Chapter 9

The day passed with the speed of a sloth running a marathon. JARVIS was still reluctant, only speaking when Tony directly spoke to him. He hadn’t come out of his lab even when Rogers had knocked on the door, demanding he open it. Natasha had mumbled something about childishness before the small group disappeared again. Only Bruce stayed behind a bit longer, no doubt hoping that maybe if it was just him, Tony would open the door. The inventor had considered it, but had decided he wanted to be alone in the end. Bruce, bless him, had taken the hint and left without a word.

Hours passed by while he sat there, doing nothing. He didn’t even have the energy to look up funny cat videos on youtube. Just sat there in his chair, looking down at the scars decorating his wrists. They didn’t make any sense. None of this made sense, he told himself. Something must have happened to him, that much he was sure of. And it must have happened the night he spent on the roof. But what? Why couldn’t he remember?

There were times he tried to reach inside himself, trying to come up with something. The genius could feel the buzz of energy humming under his skin, but could never truly reach it. He knew the information he needed was inside of him, so close with only a few exons separating him from his answers. Tony hadn’t been up against a tease like this since the woman in the sexy bunny costume five years ago.

So he sat there, looking between the scars that weren’t supposed to be his, and the clock where the minutes ticked by slowly. How much sleep had he gotten lately? It felt like a lot, yet he was exhausted.

_ “Sir, Ms. Potts is on her way down” _ Tony lit up a bit, both at the sound of JARVIS’ voice and the prospect of Pepper returning.

“Thanks, J”

JARVIS didn’t reply. How had he managed to create an AI that could be mad at him?

Minutes later, there was a small beep from the door, and it slid open with a hiss. Pepper looked about as exhausted as he felt, which was both terrifying and relieving at the same time. He stretched out his arms, much like a toddler wanting to be picked up, and she approached him.

“Hey,” He said, hugging her tightly. “How was work?”

“Exhausting. How was relaxing?”

“Exhausting” He could feel her soft cheek pull into a frown, before she pushed away slightly. She had  _ the look _ on her face. The one that said: “What have you done now?” or “Who do I throw my shoe at?” depending on the situation.

“What happened?”

Tony shrugged, trying to brush the whole thing off. Which was, of course, impossible.

“Tony…” Damn her for using that voice.

“Nothing out of the ordinary. Cap disagreed with my methods, I disagreed with Cap’s. We fought, he brought up my dad, I left” He bit his lip, avoiding the part of the story where he had manually overridden JARVIS’ codes and gotten pissed on the roof… again. It had seemed like a good idea at the time, more like a compulsion, actually. Now though, when he was sitting before his beautiful girlfriend, he was feeling even more regret coil up inside him. She would probably hate him if he didn’t say anything, but she would also hate him if she found out.

God, why does he always fuck up so much?

A warm hand on his cheek was enough to bring him out of his thoughts.

“I don’t get why you invite him to live in your home when you hate him so much” Pepper mumbled, giving him a serious look. Tony straightened, shaking his head.

“I don’t  _ hate _ him. He just pisses me off sometimes” He stuttered, his words jumbling. Pepper’s face morphed to that of confusion.

“I never implied that you did”

He blinked once, twice, feeling a strange lump take up residence in his throat. Was she messing with him?

“Yes, you did. You said it just now. You asked why I let him live here if I hated him”

Pepper shook her head, brows creased. “No, I asked what he said”

Tony stared, mouth opening and closing several times when no words came. After some time with him unable to say a damn thing, Pepper crouched down until she was looking directly at him.

“Tony… are you okay?” She asked.

“Yeah…” His voice was faint. “Yeah, I’m fine… Just a bit tired still”

As if on cue, his stomach gave a loud growl. Tony suddenly remembered that he hadn’t eaten anything since the apple two or three days ago. The sudden emptiness in his stomach was enough to make him bend over in the small jab of pain.

“How long since you last ate?” Pepper asked. Tony shrugged.

“Depends on what day it is. I ate an apple… some time ago. Don’t remember” Pepper sighed, draping an arm around him and practically pushing him out of the chair.

“Come on…” She mumbled, pulling him along towards the door. He followed willingly, the hunger winning over the fear of facing his teammates after his cock-up earlier. “Let’s get something to eat”

Tony smiled, squeezing Pepper’s hand in reassurance.

The way up felt longer than usual. Probably because he couldn’t stop focusing on the damned hunger gnawing on the inside of his stomach. His legs were actually shaking at this point, and he realized he hadn’t had anything to drink aside from a bottle of pain-treatment (which had been flushed down the drain after Nat got her hands on him).

When the elevator finally stopped, he quickly took notice of the lack of Avengers in the common room. The combined kitchen and living room area was completely abandoned. Maybe he did have  _ some _ luck in his life.

“Jarvis, where are the other Avengers?” He asked, looking around the room.

_ “Captain Rogers, Ms. Romanoff and Mr. Barton were called in by Director Fury. Doctor Banner left the premises ten minutes ago”  _ The AI dutifully replied. Bruce Banner leaving? That sounded very uncharacteristic of him. The good doctor had been locked inside Tony’s tower since the end of the chitauri invasion, and always slithered away from the prospect of going out into the public no matter how much Tony had pestered him.

“Why wasn’t I informed?”

_ “They did not deem it necessary to inform you, sir”  _ Clearly, JARVIS was still mad. He’d be eighty by the time the AI would properly forgive him. Thankfully, Pepper didn’t seem to think anything was of. She dumped him in the empty couch, and set direct course for the fridge in the connected kitchen.

“Anything in particular you want?” She asked, head inside the fridge, searching.

“Something edible would be nice”

“Oh haha”

After some shuffling and low mumbles, she emerged with a bowl of chicken-pasta salad and two plates with cutlery. Tony felt his mouth water at the sight of food. His stomach did another eager turn, making him wince.

They ate in silence, mainly because Tony was too busy actually eating for once, rather than talking his tongue into a knot. Pepper didn’t seem to have any objections. It wasn’t until Tony had finished his second portion of salad, and was starting to feel satisfied, that Pepper spoke.

“The board is expecting you to make a public appearance soon” Tony raised an eyebrow.

“Why?” He asked. Pepper blinked, surprised by his simple answer.

“Why? You crashed a car and had me tell the public a vague story about a self-driving prototype gone wrong. The board wants to know what’s going on. People are complaining about the safety of SI technology. Do you have any idea how that will affect our stocks?”

“I thought all damage was payed for in full” Tony argued, taking another bite of his salad.

“That’s not the point, Tony. The point is that the public are questioning how reliable our technology really is. Someone could have gotten hurt, and you won’t even tell me what’s going on anymore. You’re funding the Avengers initiative almost all by yourself. If Stark Industries takes another hit like last time-”

“What do you mean  _ last time _ ?” Tony cut her off.

“You know very well what I mean. When you decided to cut us out of the weapon industry. And before you say it, no, I am  _ not _ saying that was a bad choice. I’m just saying it affected our stocks, Tony. Believe it or not, what you do in your personal life affects how the company is viewed. If you go off making reckless decisions, and you can’t even come with an actual explanation to  _ me _ , then people will see that as SI being unreliable. We will starts losing customers, and that is something we cannot afford, not after last time”

“We built the company up again” Was Tony’s best line of defence. She had a point, he thought, but couldn’t really bring himself to care. All his life, he’d had to act posh and nice for the cameras so the company and the damned board could get what they wanted from him, and he hated it. Life had been a lot simpler as the youngest genius in MIT.

“After two years, yes. Come on, Tony. Make a public appearance, reassure the people that what happened isn’t going to repeat itself”

“I thought you’d already done that” Tony argued. Pepper rolled her eyes at him, setting her fork down and sighed. 

“They don’t want to see me, Tony. They want to see you, their hero, take responsibility for your actions” Responsible wasn’t really on his list of pros.  After years of working together, Pepper should know this much. Then again, after years of working with  _ her _ , he should know Pepper isn’t one to give up.

“I flew a missile into an alien wormhole for them, the least they can do is leave me alone when I make a small screw-up” he grumbled angrily, crossing his arms before realizing what he’d just said. Pepper blinked at him, surprised by his words. It wasn’t often Tony talked about what happened that day, in fact he avoided it more than he would the plague. But this was Pepper, and he trusted Pepper with everything.

Her face softened, and she scooted closer to him, placing a gentle hand on his back. Tony leaned into the touch, the warmth. Those soft hands were rubbing soothing circles into his muscles, releasing tension Tony hadn’t even realized was there previously.

“I know, baby, I know…” She hesitated for a moment, the hands stopping ever so briefly before continuing. “Will you at least tell me what happened?”

God, he wanted to. Wanted to spill everything and just get it off his chest. But he wouldn’t- couldn’t do that to her. When silence stretched on, understanding settled over Pepper’s face and she nodded shortly, realizing it was a lost battle. Instead, she stood from the couch and wandered back to the kitchen.

“Want some dessert?” She asked, looking over her shoulder. Tony nodded eagerly, glad for the change of subject. Two seconds later, Pepper emerged from the kitchen with two small cups of store-bought pudding. It tasted mostly sugar, with a little hint of chocolate in the aftertaste. Still, the moment was as close to perfect as he could get. Neither of them were talking, instead just basking in each other’s company. It was nice, really nice, to just lean on her shoulder, soaking up her heat.

They finished their puddings, and Tony somehow ended up resting his head on her lap. Her smooth fingers traced a soft pattern through his hair, slowly lulling him into sleep. He yawned, trying to fight off gravity pulling at his eyelids. The inventor knew he should probably tell her he didn’t want to sleep, no matter his exhaustion, he couldn’t. He would have nightmares again, dreams that felt so familiar, yet he could never remember them when he woke up. Yet he didn’t want the moment to end, didn’t want Pepper’s warm hands to stop. He should probably pull away… just give it one more minute…

_ There was screaming, hoarse and pained. Tony no longer knew if it was his own screams, nor did he care. Sharp claws were digging into his flesh, ripping at his clothes and leaving deep streaks of red in his skin. This must be what it feels like to get ripped apart by a flock of lions; agonizingly slow, yet too fast to keep track of the clusterfuck around him. Every now and then he managed to gather his focus enough to see the flash of a cat-like green eye, or a purple rim around a strange armour, lighting up rotten-looking skin. Skeletal features, black teeth dripping with dark drool and screeches so inhuman it made his body shiver. His arms were flailing wildly around him in a desperate attempt to keep the claws away. Blood was soaking through his clothing, pooling around him. His body was still fighting while his mind was stuck in a constant look of “I’m dying. Please god, I’m dying” _

_ Then it was over. He didn’t know what exactly happened. One moment they were clawing at him, killing him with the same hunger you’d find in a pack of wolves, the next they were scattering, backing away rapidly. Relief flooded him, and for a moment he knew nothing else. He could breathe, at least better now than while they were ripping him apart like an all you can take buffet. His limbs felt like led, he couldn’t lift them even if he wanted to. _

_ Then it became apparent why they stopped. Heavy footsteps approached from his left, but Tony didn’t have the strength to turn his head right now. He was staring up at the unfamiliar stars, listening intently as the footsteps got louder, louder still, until they stopped and Tony could see a dark figure hovering over him, blocking out the stars. His breath, or what was left of it anyway, caught in his throat as something inside him screamed with even more fear than when the other monsters were attacking him. The figure just stood there, staring down at him with eyes Tony could feel burn into his soul. They stayed like that for what felt like hours. Tony was almost tempted to play dead, a last-ditch effort to get away alive. Yet the way his chest heaving, breath rattling in his lungs, it was obvious he was alive. Like a fish out of water, but alive nonetheless. Though for how long, he really couldn’t tell. _

_ “What is this?” Tony blinked, trying to register where the voice came from. The constant echo from where they were cast it around a loop, and it took him a few seconds to realize the words came from the creature above him. It could talk? _

_ “Asgardian?” It growled again, leaning further over Tony, so close he could smell the rotting flesh from its breath. Tony shuddered, wanting to crawl away but too afraid to move. He felt like a deer caught in the headlight, just waiting for the inevitable. Though he had no clue what it was talking about, it was clearly displeased with him in some way. Tony wanted to close his eyes, but the fear refused him such pleasures. _

_ Something lumpy and fuck that’s cold! Wrapped around his throat. Some distant part of his mind pointed out that this was becoming a regular thing in his life, but he didn’t have much time to feed that thought, because he was being lifted off the ground and what limited amount of air he’d managed to push into his lungs was suddenly gone. Whatever it was, it pulled him closer to sneer at his face, and the stench got so bad Tony was sure he would throw up in its face. Somehow he didn’t, most likely due to the hand around his throat squeezing until he felt dizzy. The thing leaned closer; what was it gonna do, kiss him? _

_ It sniffed him, like an animal, dragging its face against his cheek. Any warmth Tony might have had left was instantly poured out of him. The thing was as cold as death, like someone had just rubbed his face against a gravestone. He froze, legs ceasing their kicking as every muscle went rigid. _

_ Before he knew what had happened, it dropped him on the ground with a hard oomph. Pain shot up his back from where he’d had the unfortunate landing on top of a small bulge in the ground, but Tony couldn’t bring himself to cry out or even flinch. He just stared up at the creature, impossibly tall and cloaked in dark cloth of some kind. _

_ “It has been many a century since we’ve come in contact with Asgardians” It mumbled, more to itself than the human, it seemed. Slowly, the creature leaned closer to him. Tony was confused because it seemed to be staring at him, studying him, but it’s eyes were covered in some kind of fabric. _

_ A grin stretched its face, showing off black teeth that sent shivers rippling through the man’s spine. _

_ “How very curious…” It mumbled again, looking away from Tony to survey the surrounding area for something Tony didn’t know of. Had he known  _ anything _ about the thing, he would have said it looked almost thoughtful, not the confused kind of thoughtful. More as it’d just won a prize and was wondering how valuable it would be. Tony didn’t even want to think about what the creature was contemplating. He just wanted to go home, back to earth, the avengers, Pepper…. _

_ “Take it with us, put it in the dungeons. I shall exchange words with our master” before Tony had any time to react, they were back. Claws dug into his arms and legs, squeezing until he could hear bone snap. He was screaming, or at least he thought he was. It was difficult to hear anything over the rushing of blood in his ears, though he would guess he was pleading for help, for mercy. He felt rather than saw them carry him away, each bumpy step another jab of agony through his body. _

_ It was a relief when darkness overtook him. _

Tony awoke with a jerk, eyes snapping open, wide with panic. His surroundings barely registered as his penthouse living room, cast in shadows and the pale light of the moon. A thick layer of cold sweat coated him, making his clothes stick uncomfortably to his skin. He could still feel the phantom pain in his body where claws had dug into flesh. The inventor looked around, eyes searching like mad for the one thing missing. Pepper… where was Pepper?

“Pep…” He tried, his voice hoarse from screaming. Outside, a cloud passed over the moon, coating the room in further darkness. Tony stumbled off the couch, almost tripping over his own legs a few times before he managed to grab hold of the counter near the kitchen.

“Pep-er” His tongue felt thick in his mouth, stretched and out of place. “Pepper!” He managed, a little louder this time. Why wouldn’t his damn legs work? Every time he took a step, pain would shoot through his body. Tears stung against his eyes, but he refused to let them fall even now. He had to find Pepper, that was first priority.

“Pepper!” What if something had happened to her? What if they had gotten her? Oh god, anything but that, please! “Pepper!”

“Tony…?” There was a small click from the light switch. Tony blinked at the sudden brightness stinging his eyes. Relief flooded Tony, and he was stumbling forward before he even knew it. Pepper was standing at the corridor, looking at him confused. When she saw how unsure his steps were, she hurried forward, just in time to stop him from falling flat on the floor in front of her. The moment their skin touched, Tony felt warmth fill him up again. He sighed in relief, not noticing the tears streaming down his face.

“Jesus…” Pepper muttered, taking Tony’s face in her hands and pushing him away slightly to get a better look at him. Tony made a frustrated noise, wanting to feel more of the comforting warmth. Anything but the constant cold of space, of claws digging into his skin…

“What happened?” She asked, voice so soft Tony could melt into the vowels. He shook his head, not meeting her eyes as he did. All he wanted was to get close.

“Tony, look at me. Look at me, sweetie” With a small shake of her hands, Tony managed to muster up enough focus to look at her face. His eyes were bloodshot-red, meeting Pepper’s worried blues for a split second before anchoring on her nose. She bit her lips slightly, like she always did when she was unsure of how to handle a situation.

“It’s okay, sweetie. I’m here. It’s okay” She said, one of her hands stroking Tony’s cheek reassuringly. Tony allowed his arms to drape around her, locking in place as though he was afraid that she would disappear again.

“Pepper” He mumbled, unable to muster any other words for now as he pushed closer, resting his face in the crook of her neck. Pepper continued to coo reassurances at him, and he soaked up every word of comfort like a sponge. After some time, he calmed down enough for his breath to stop shaking.

“Where were you…?” He managed, though his voice was still hoarse, barely above a whisper. He felt Pepper move, but refused to let go of her yet.

“I went to the bathroom to brush my teeth. You fell asleep, I thought I’d let you get some extra rest before we moved to the bed” She explained, brushing a hand through his hair. “What happened?”

Tony trembled slightly, the memory of pain so clear in his mind he had trouble speaking. He could still smell the rotting flesh, the sweat coating his skin felt like the blood from his dream and dread pooled in his gut. Again and again he tried to remind himself that it was just a dream. Nothing but a dream;  _ not real _ .

“I had… a nightmare” He said hesitantly. Pepper cooed him, moving away slightly to meet his eyes again.

“What about?”

Tony opened his mouth to reply, words already at the tip of his tongue. He blinked once, twice, confused.

“I… I don’t remember” 


	10. Chapter 10

A week passed, and Tony was getting anything but better. With Pepper spending most of her time in their office back at Stark Industries HQ, there were few people Tony spoke to. The other Avengers had come back the day after Tony’s last incident, but he hadn’t seen much of them. Mainly because he was locked in his lab, only coming up when JARVIS insisted he eat something. On a lighter note, JARVIS was slowly starting to forgive him for shutting him off, but only after Natasha had told Pepper. She had yelled at him for half an hour before leaving to “get something she forgot in the office”. Tony had felt miserable throughout that whole night, lying in bed waiting for Pepper to come back. In the end, he’d given up and went down to his lab again.

 _“Sir, do I really have to remind you again that you need sleep?”_ JARVIS’ steady voice sounded impatient. Tony merely waved him off, still buried halfway into the Mark nine. There was a loose wire that had been poking him in the back during the test-run which he wanted to take care of as soon as possible.

 _“Sir…”_ JARVIS started, but was cut off by a quick “Mute” from Tony. Everything was eerily silent after that, but Tony didn’t mind. He barely noticed, too busy trying to keep his eyes open while the small screwdriver went to work on the inside of the suit. Now that he was in there, he could see there were lots of things he could improve on. It was, if anything, a good distraction.

Tony yawned, hand fumbling over the small worktable for his mug. Bringing the cup to his lips, filled his mouth with a liquid he instantly realized was _not_ coffee, but in fact oil. He spit and coughed, trying to rid himself of the bitter liquid. To his left, DUM-E whirred excitedly, wheeling over to get a small cloth to clean the mess. Tony wheezed, grabbing the nearest bottle of water to wash the taste out of his mouth. Cursing, he glared at his _actual_ cup of coffee, which was, of course, empty. Even through the silence, Tony could almost hear JARVIS’ snarky comment. The “I told you so, sir” practically filled the air without being muttered.

Grabbing his cup, Tony walked over to the coffee machine to get a refill. To his disappointment, there was no more coffee left. Sighing, he started dragging his feet on his way to the elevator. He needed sleep, but coffee was a better option. Alcohol would have been even better, but he didn’t want a repeat of last week. Grumbling curses to himself, he pushed the right button on the elevator. He had absolutely no idea what time it was, or even if it was night or day. Having spent the last four days in his lab, relying on coffee, water and a few bits of scrap he’d managed to dig out of his fridge (mostly fruit Pepper had placed there), time had become one big slur. Of course, the other Avengers had tried coming down to him, tried talking to him, but they hadn’t gotten inside. Natasha didn’t even make it to the floor he was on, as Tony had JARVIS stop the elevators on the way down.

Now he was on his way up for the first time, thinking of grabbing his coffee and returning to the lab so he could work. Perhaps he could even snatch one of Clint’s energy drinks and make a getaway before the archer noticed it was gone. While these plans were going on in his head, the elevator came to a slow stop. Tony mused. The elevator ride was usually longer than this, weren’t they? With a ding, the elevator doors opened, and a tired-looking Steven Rogers stepped inside. Tony froze. This was exactly the kind of interaction he’d spent a week trying to avoid.

“Oh! Tony, you’re up?” Steve asked, taking in Tony’s shape while the mechanical doors slid shut behind him. Blue eyes trailed over Tony. It felt like he was being scanned.

“Hey, Cap. Yeah, I’m just goin’ for more coffee.” Tony replied simply. They had both come to the point where they just ignored last week’s incident. Well, Tony had avoided it until Steve had given up and gone with the flow. The super soldier nodded, trying for a smile which turned into something more awkward. With none of the two Avengers knowing exactly what to say, silence quickly befell them.

That is, until Steve couldn’t keep his mouth shut any longer.

“Tony, I’m sorry about what happened last week. I… stepped out of line when I shouldn’t have and… I’m sorry.”

Tony groaned inwardly. So much for Steve going with the flow.

“Don’t worry about it.”

“Really though, I just feel like I need to apologize, because, y’know. It sorta seemed like I put you in an uncomfortable situation and I didn’t really mean to offend you or anything. I just felt I needed to inform you that your actions were… well, anyway. I hope we can put this whole thing behind us… start anew?” Uncomfortable situations? Like this one? Tony sighed. He wasn’t drunk enough to have this conversation with the man again. Nor did he have enough coffee.

“Already did, Cap,” He replied. Finally, _finally!_ the elevator came to a halt. Tony stepped out, instantly making a turn for the kitchen where he could see the temptation that was the coffee maker. He could hear the fast thumps of Steve’s feet behind him.

“Jarvis, give us some light,” he commanded. Instantly, light flooded the room. Tony’s legs were already shaking, he didn’t need the dark to hide little traps for him to trip over. God, he needed coffee. Maybe something to eat too, but mainly coffee. He’d been growing progressively weaker the last couple of days, probably because he neglected his own basic human needs. Last time he’d seen himself in a mirror (must have been, what? Six days ago, now?), he’d resembled his own ghost. Paler than usual, with sunken in eyes and dry lips. The sight made shame pool in his stomach, and he’d turned away quickly. Tony knew he couldn’t continue on like this, they didn’t call him genius for nothing. He knew that he would have to turn it around, or never hear the end of it from the public.

With shaking fingers (damn his body’s weakness), Tony grabbed one of the small pods for the coffee machine.

“Isn’t it a bit late for coffee?” Tony wanted to snap back: Isn’t it a bit too late for judging, but resisted the urge. He was too exhausted. Instead, he just grunted, waiting impatiently for his coffee to finish so he could get out of here and leave the captain to his own business, whatever that was. Now that he thought about it, what _was_ the Captain doing up so late?

“So, what brings you out of bed?” He asked casually, opening the fridge and pulling out a hotpocket. His stomach was becoming more and more of an annoyance, demanding whatever sustenance he could get. This would do for now. Especially since the energy drink he’d hoped to find wasn’t there.

“Couldn’t sleep, you?” Steve replied, leaning closer to Tony to see what he was fumbling with. The soldier gave the small package a curious look as Tony placed it right in the microwave to heat. His coffee finished, and Tony was already down to only half a cup.

He shrugged. “Same reason.”

An awkward silence settled over them again, this time worse because the soldier was just looming over him while Tony was waiting for his food to heat up. Casting small glances at the taller man, he could practically see the cogwheels in Steve’s head churning at full speed. Finally, he spoke and Tony honestly didn’t know if it was a relief or not.

“You don’t look so good,” understatement of the year award for one Steven Rogers, please. Tony sighed, focusing his attention on the food. Just a few more seconds, then he could return to the lab and work until he passed out.

“I always look good,” Tony grinned, or at least he tried to grin. Steve frowned at his petty attempt of a joke.

“Tony…” At that exact moment, the room was bathed in a blood-red light. The alarms blared loudly, almost deafening. It was like the whole tower came alive at once. Banner came up the elevator, looking tired and worried. His eyes landed on Tony for a second before his attention was pulled away to the archer and widow who came rushing up the stairs. Everyone were in battle mode. Well, everyone but Tony, it seemed. The billionaire looked around, his muddled brain not entirely able to comprehend the situation.

“What’s the situation?” Widow asked, straight to business.

“We’re not sure yet,” Steve said, rushing over to where Bruce was already fiddling with the keyboard. Seconds later, the alarm went quiet and an image of Nick Fury appeared on one of Tony’s windows.

“Avengers,” Tony waddled over to where the others had gathered, hotpocket all but forgotten. “We’ve got another attack in Washington DC. Some crazy bastard is walking around blowing shit up, claiming to be the next Merlin. The military was called in, but they need your help _asap._ ”

“One guy? What exactly is it with this guy that has the _military_ stumped?” Clint asked.

“He turned their heavy machinery into turkeys. Get down there _now!_ ” And with those words, the image disappeared.

“You heard the man. Clint, Natasha, suit up. Bruce, I want you to come with us. In case this guy is more than what he’s turned out to be, I want our strongest artillery close by at all times. We meet by the quinjet in five less than five minutes. Everybody go!” instantly, the Avengers jumped into action. Clint and Natasha disappeared down the hall towards the stairs, Bruce made his way back to the elevator and disappeared out of sight. Steve was just about to follow after them when Tony gave a loud cough, already fishing his bracelets out of his pockets.

“I guess I’ll meet you there?” He asked, glancing up from his wrists to see Steve’s face twist.

“Actually, Tony… I was thinking it might be best if you… ya know… stayed here. Just in case someone attacks while we’re gone, we have someone staying watch,” Tony blinked at him, fingers halting their movements around his wrist. Steve was trying to keep him out of the fight.

“Lucky for you I have the world’s most advanced AI keeping watch, isn’t that right, Jarv?”

_“You flatter me, sir.”_

“Well, I know that. But I was just thinking-” Steve was cut off by a sharp movement from Tony’s hand. He _hated_ when people were lying to him, especially if they were bad at it.

“Cap, if there’s something you wanna say, just say it,” Steve’s shoulder slumped in defeat.

“Tony… you’re not in any state to fight,” Tony’s eyes hardened, but he didn’t say a word, just stared at the Captain while he fiddled clumsily with his words. “Don’t take it in a personal sense, but you look like you’re about to collapse at any given moment. Tony, you’re malnourished, your hands are shaking. When was the last time you _slept_?”

Tony opened his mouth to answer, only to come to a blank. He hadn’t slept properly since Pepper was gone. Sure, he’d passed out on the couch a few times, but Tony had an inkling that didn’t count. At least not to the Captain.

“So what, I take a few extra hours to focus on work and suddenly I can’t fight? Or is it because you don’t want me hoggin’ all the credit because I do it better than you?” Tony could see the exact moment he hit a nerve in Steve. His shoulders tensed, expression hardening. They were about to enter another fight, Tony could tell, and part of him _craved_ it.

“This isn’t about who’s the better hero, Tony, you proved that when... during the invasion. Why can’t you just listen to me for once and stay put, get some rest,” Tony gritted his teeth, fists tightening.

“Because you’re not my boss. You’d have to talk to Pepper for that, send in a request which would have to go through five different people and be approved by all before Pepper would even get the chance to look at it, and by that time, one word has turned to ten. Really, there’s just a lot of paperwork involved, not really worth it,” As he spoke, Tony was moving further and further away from the Captain, towards the window, the balcony that was still in the process of being turned into a landing platform for a small quinjet. Steve was following, starting to pick up on what was going on.

“Jarvis, deploy mark seven,” The suit shot out of a slot in the wall, sensors locking the bracelets on each wrist. He felt the cool, comforting metal wrap around him reassuringly, though the faceplate stayed open.

“Tony…”

“No, Cap. I’m as much a member of this team as you. I’m fighting, whether you like it or not. Now you can either continue complaining and waste both our precious time, or you can get your stars and stripy ass down to the others and meet me there. Choice is yours,” Steve looked like he wanted to argue, in fact, he looked like a fish gaping in water. Finally, his face settled, and he gave Tony a curt nod before disappearing down the hall to catch up with the others. Tony allowed himself a victorious grin before the faceplate slammed down, lighting up with the constant stream of information he was used to.

 _“Sir, I have to say I am in agreement with Captain Rogers. Going into battle against an unknown enemy while in your state of fatigue might not be the best plan you’ve ever had,”_ JARVIS said into his ear. Tony hummed in minor agreement, as JARVIS and Steve were both probably right. But Tony needed this, needed to stretch his legs and get some action into his life before the repetitive days drove him out of his mind. He’d felt like a zombie, walking around aimlessly, not sleeping or eating properly.

“Come on, J. Where’s your sense for adventure?” he asked happily back, knowing he couldn’t fool his AI for one second. But hey, it was worth a try, wasn’t it? And JARVIS, bless his motherboard, took the hint and didn’t bring it up again, instead showing Tony a stream of information he’d gathered from CCTV cameras around the area, though most had been destroyed in action, so it was difficult to find out that was angled right to see the destruction.

Four minutes later, and Tony was hovering over the chaos that used to be a street in Washington DC, but was now a stripe of broken concrete, glass and garbage. Not to mention the hundreds of turkeys running around in fear. Hadn’t Fury said something about the man turning weapons into turkeys? For a split second, Tony pictured himself trapped inside a turkey’s stomach, but quickly shook the thought. Now wasn’t the time for that.

“Alright, lock onto his signature, J. I want a complete scan for weaknesses.”

 _“Scanning, sir.”_ Sadly, it was at that moment, the man turned around and noticed Iron Man hovering a few meters above the ground. His face, -and seriously, what the hell was he trying to be? Vanilla Ice?- twisted into an unnervingly big grin. Something flashed gold, and Tony felt himself yanked out of the air and slamming into the ground with unlively strong force. He didn’t have much time to get his bearing however, before he was again dragged away, metal suit scraping against the broken concrete. There was now an Iron Man shaped hole in the street, and an Iron Man trying to grab hold of something to prevent himself from being dragged again further.

“Jarvis, put everything we have into the thrusters!” He practically yelled. Instantly, the suit flared up and he managed to get free from whatever the guy had used on him. He turned, barely aimed, and fired a shot in the man’s direction. The man was hit square in the chest and thrown backwards. Tony was hoping that was that, after all, the guy looked to be only human. However, life always found ways to disappoint him, and soon the man was back on his legs, face twisted into an angry snarl covered in piercings.

“You _dare_ try to resist the will of _Merlin_?!” He yelled. Tony blinked a couple of times, actually left speechless by the pure idiocy that was escaping the bastard’s mouth.

“You… oh my god, you poor _sod!_ ” He couldn’t help it, he laughed, bending over and heaving for breath. It was like facing off a Loki wannabe, but less intimidating and more stupid looking dressed in his oversized hoody-cloak-thing and leather boots.

“Why are you laughing?!” The man shouted angrily. He lifted his hand, pointing some fancy stick at Tony. “I’ll show you!” A ray of twisting light shot out of the staff, and Tony jumped back in surprise, barely dodging the ray. But to his surprise, the light decided to follow him, wrapping around his torso and squeezing. Tony felt the metal dent, but only a little before the light suddenly vanished. Looking up, he saw an arrow blinking rapidly before exploding right between the man’s legs. There was a cry of pain, and Black Widow, Hawkeye and Captain America all jumped out of the quinjet hovering just above ground. Tony gave a little wave to Bruce in the pilot seat, which was returned, before he turned back to action. Somehow, this lucky bastard had gotten away with only a few scorch marks. He was the one laughing now.

“You think your gadgets are any match for the armoured cloth of Baltazar?” He yelled, and they all watched as the small golden rod he’d used as a whip earlier let out a huge amount of what looked like liquid gold. The golden light morphed slowly, twisting and turning in on itself with a show of sparks. It was like watching fire take form, rounding up until the rod previously used as a whip, was now a flail of burning energy.

 _“Scan complete, sir,”_ JARVIS’ voice rang out suddenly, almost making Tony jump in surprise.

“Show me.”

JARVIS zoomed in on the golden stick in the flail, as if it hadn’t been obvious. _“The rod is letting off a very distinct energy signature, sir. It is not any element documented on earth, but it is… familiar.”_

Tony frowned. “Familiar? What do you mean familiar?”

_“It is cloaking itself with surrounding signatures like radiation, just like the anomaly in your arc reactor, sir. If I were to guess, I would say the flail is consisting of at least a similar element.”_

Tony felt ice spread through his limbs, like getting dunked in cool water and zapped at the same time. He did a jolt, feeling his fingers shake and buzz with energy all of the sudden as something stirred within him. A small groan made its way past his lips.

 _“Sir, I’m detecting an increase in heartbeat. Are you alright?”_ JARVIS asked, worried. Tony waved him off, not bothering how stupid it must have looked from outside the suit.

“I’m fine, Jay. Did you find any weaknesses we can exploit?”

 _“I’m afraid not, sir. The energy is still unknown, and I can’t get a proper read on it. I would recommend doing what you always do; shoot at it with a repulsor ray and hope for the best,”_ Tony let out a sarcastic laugh, feeling his fingers itch to do just that. Without warning, he lifted his hand and fired a shot and the… whatever he considered himself to be, who was slowly approaching them until he was thrown back by a repulsor.

“Alright guys, Jarvis has absolutely no clue what that thing is, so just hit him with everything you got. Try to make him lose his weapon,” He said, taking another shot at the man. The other Avengers quickly picked up, all turning their attention to the threat at hand. Natasha fired a bullet, which simply disintegrated right before their eyes.

“You think you can hurt _me_ ?! I will show you the true meaning of _pain!_ ” The man shouted, slamming his flail into the ground so the asphalt cracked. The very ground seemed to groan and moan, until big chunks of it simply lifted themselves out and started walking towards them like a hoard of zombies. Tony was instantly captivated, his mind trying to come to speed with what was going on around him. Crazy-dude had just brought the very _ground_ to life, and if it wasn’t for the fact that said ground-gnomes were now attacking them, Tony would have tried to study them further. He dodged hits and kicks from the rock-monsters, shooting when he got the chance. There seemed to be an endless wave of them, and Tony didn’t even know where they were coming from anymore.

“Guys, Fury wants this man alive!” Natasha yelled from somewhere to his left.

“Alive? Did Fury miss the part where the ground stood up and started attacking?” Tony shouted back, blasting at one of the beasts. Meanwhile, crazy-dude was cackling, making an escape while the others were distracted. With a burst of luck, which Tony would later refer to as tactical skill and badass fighting abilities, Tony saw an opening. Putting everything he had into thrusters, he shot through the small hole between two rock-monsters, shaking off the ones dangling off of him at the same time. He dashed through the air, getting closer and closer to his target. The man turned around just in time to see a blur of red and gold before he was slammed across the street, straight into a wall. Tony grinned in victory, only to suddenly tip sideways.

Confused, he looked around. The inventor had never been one for motion-sickness, but then again, the world was rarely this… spinny. Not even when he was drunk did the world twist and turn like this. His mind, not to mention his very hurt, very bruised ego, couldn’t grasp what he was seeing.

“Confused, Iron man?!” Snapped the sorcerer, and Tony had completely forgotten he was even there, too taken aback by the new change in environment. It was difficult keeping balanced on the ever-moving ground, and he kept falling over like a clown on ice.

“Behold, the mirror dimension! Here, I am even stronger!” As he said it, the man twisted his wrist, and the steady-ish ground Tony had been standing on suddenly threw him off. He went flying through the air, landing harshly on the pavement. Another movement, and Tony was sailing through the air again, crashing head-first into a nearby building/roof. The air was knocked right out of his lungs, and he wheezed at the sudden pressure around his chest. Once again, he’d been grabbed by that damned whip. This time is made his armour groan in protest, bending and snapping wires. Tony felt panic build up, but swallowed it down as much as he could. He _would not_ show weakness. Not now!

“What’s the matter, underling? Finally realizing your place is at the feet of Merlin?” The guy asked. Tony heard his footsteps approach him from behind. He lifted his arm and shot blindly in the direction, and judging by the loud “umph!”, he hit as well. But the pressure didn’t disappear, and Tony couldn’t breathe. His vision was starting to swim, and he had the sudden urge to throw up. He couldn’t breathe, why couldn’t he breathe?

Stars were dancing around his darkening vision, and Tony screamed as it all came crashing down. Space-can’t breathe, the chitauri- _can’t breathe_ , the void- _can’tbreathepleaseletmebreathe!_

It happened in the blink of an eye. Tony screamed again, a broken sob making it past his lips. Then, he felt numb, tingly all over. Energy crackled and sparked across his skin, angry and hateful. Tony didn’t do anything to try and hold it back, he didn’t have the strength. The energy escaped in a shock-wave that shook the very foundations of the ground they were standing on. Tony barely heard the surprised scream. The pressure on his chest lightened, and Tony gasped for air. The world was a blur, and he felt sick to the bone. Distantly, he heard someone shout his name, but it was too slurred to fully make out who it was.

“Facemask… off,” He managed, feeling his gut wrench and twist uncomfortably. He collapsed on his knees, not having realized he’d stood up in the first place. His entire body felt exhausted, like he’d just ran ten marathons in a row. The faceplate folded back, and Tony gasped in the fresh air in greedy gulps. Falling forward, he barely had the strength to lift his arms so he wouldn’t crash face-first into the broken pavement. Tony coughed and hacked, feeling nauseous as the world around him wouldn’t stop spinning. Something clawed at the back of his throat, and he’d been hungover enough to recognize the feeling. Before he could stop it, his stomach emptied itself on the pavement. What little food he’d consumed over the last few days came back with a vengeance.

Tony had just enough thought process left to fall to the side.

Everything went dark.


	11. Chapter 11

_The never-ending darkness around him pushed and pulled at him, back and forth, up and down until Tony no longer knew which was which. It felt like being trapped inside a washing machine, turned around and around while choking on the air around him. Tony was in_ agony _. He didn’t know how long it had been like this, only knew he wanted it to stop. How much more of this could he take before he-_

_-opened his eyes. It was bright, too bright. Letting out a soft groan, he brought a cold hand to his thumping forehead. Light shone from every direction, but it was sweet relief compared to the darkness from earlier._

_“Come on! Get up already!” An impatient, snobby voice came from somewhere to his left. Tony turned, finding the action extremely difficult. He was in some sort of field. It almost reminded him of a gladiator arena from old Rome, but different all the same. The dirt under his body was far more tempting than getting up, and part of him wanted to snap at the kid to shut it. A hard book connected with his side, not enough to hurt, but it jolted him on his feet before he could even stop himself._

_“Ow! Why did you do that?!” Tony heard himself, or at least he thought it was himself, ask. In front of him was a young-but big boy. Couldn’t be older than ten at most. His blonde hair was wild, poking out in every direction. He was wearing some kind of leather armour, laced with gold. He kind of reminded Tony of Thor… but he couldn’t be…_

_“Because you were too slow! Come on, let’s go again!” The tiny-Thor said eagerly, spreading his legs and taking on a fighting stand. “I’ll be father, and you can be Laufey!”_

_Tony felt a strange ache in his chest when tiny-Thor said that. A feeling all too familiar, yet he couldn’t place his hand on it. Whatever game they were playing, he felt he didn’t want to participate at all._

_“No way!” he said, again his voice sounded slightly hoarse with feeling. “I was Laufey last time, and the time before that and the time before that! Why can’t I be father?”_

_Huh… not exactly what he’s meant to say. Then again, Tony didn’t really feel like he was in control of anything. His body moved without his consent, and voice said things he didn’t mean. This had to be a dream, right? Just something his mind was making up._

_“Because you’re the ugliest, and I’m the oldest. Besides, you don’t look like father at all,” Again, Tony felt the words hit him like a bullet. His entire body seized, freezing to the spot like the time a bomb had landed next to him. He could feel tears tickle at the inside of his eyelids, and huffed. Remain calm, he told himself. Don’t let him see you cry. Tony’s breath shook, but he managed to gather enough air for his body to relax, if only a little. Half-turning to look at tiny-Thor over his shoulder, he said:_

_“I don’t want to play anymore,” And with those words, he went to leave. It was already too late when he heard it. Thumping footsteps coming rushing towards him. When he turned around, tiny-Thor was already in the air. He had less than a second to react, and it definitely wasn’t enough time, as tiny-Thor crashed into him, throwing them both to the ground. Tony yelled when he felt sand and grime scrape his skin, followed by the heat and sting of blood._

_“Caught you!” tiny-Thor yelled happily, seemingly not noticing Tony’s tears were now streaming freely down his cheeks with the added pain of a boy almost twice his size standing atop of him. When the boy finally did notice, he pulled a frown. “Why are you crying?”_

_“I said I didn’t want to play anymore!” Tony yelled, hearing the desperation in his own voice. Tiny-Thor got off of him, looking utterly confused as Tony managed to stand on shaking legs._

_“There’s no need to be weak, brother,” Tiny-Thor said. Before Tony had the time to reflect on the use of “brother”, he was yelling in anger._

_“I’m not weak!” He shouted at the top of his lungs, gathering the attention of a few by-passing guards who stopped to look. “Every time we play, you always get to play the hero while I have to be the bad guy! Why can’t I be the hero just once?”_

_Tiny-Thor looked just as confused as he had earlier, before his face broke into a wide, stupid grin. It made Tony’s fists_ burn _with the need to lash out._

_“You play the part so well” Tiny-Thor said simply, going to place a colossal hand on Tony’s small shoulder. Tony’s body pulled away before he could, however._

_“Is that what you think of me?” He asked, voice shaking._

_“Well…” Tony turned around and stormed out. He didn’t need to hear anything else. Tears flooded his eyes and pooled at the corners. Everything began to blur and spin, but he kept running until the golden halls were nothing but a pure white flat, slowly consumed by darkness._

“I’m telling you, we don’t know what happened. One second they were there, the next they were gone. I don’t know what could have happened!” A familiar voice spoke, sounding stressed and angry. Oh dear… angry was bad, wasn’t it?

“We-we need the information,” Another, young and thin voice spoke, obviously scared. “Fury says-”

“I don’t give a damn about what Fury says. Tony is in no condition to answer questions! He’s not even awake yet! Tell Fury that if he wants information, he can take it up with Cap. Now go and tell him that, and leave me with my patient.”

“Yessir!” Quick footsteps disappeared out the door. Tony managed to open one eye just in time to see a small back and a blonde ponytail disappear out the automatic doors. Bruce, there was no mistaking that awful purple shirt, had his back turned and was breathing heavily. Tony allowed himself a smile.

“Ya know… I kinda like it when you go all rage-monster without the green, Brucie,” He muttered, forcing his arms to push him further up the pillow. Bruce whipped around, surprise evident on his face before his expression morphed into a relieved smile.

“Tony. Thank god, you’re awake,” Bruce said, instantly reaching a hand out to Tony’s forehead, checking for a fever. For once, tony allowed Bruce to do his little safety checks. The doctor was obviously more worried than usual, meaning something had not gone exactly to plan. While Bruce was busy babbling on about heart rates and temperatures, - Tony really wasn’t paying attention, as usual - he stole a quick look around the room. It was sterile, much like Bruce’s lab, but lacked the distinct smell of Bruceness and disgustingly bitter tea. Oh! And dangerous chemicals, can’t forget those.

“You still have a minor fever. How are you feeling?” Bruce asked, worried.

Tony ran down a checklist for his body, trying to figure out which part of him hurt the most. It was not easy to discern, considering the pain was radiating from everywhere.

“Like my friend is mothering me… and like I got hit by a truck,” Despite the off-hand comment, the joke still brought a small smile to Bruce’s lips. Or maybe he was just relieved that Tony didn’t suffer brain damage. A comfortable silence settled over them. Bruce brought over a chair and a starkpad and just fiddled with it while Tony got his bearings. It was nice, just sitting there. Bruce knew better than to push with questions and demands. The inventor allowed himself to just lean back in his pillow and relax.

“What happened, exactly?” He asked after a while, rubbing the bridge of his nose. Bruce hesitated for a second, fingers freezing over the thin screen. Tony waited somewhat patiently.

“Well…” the doctor started. “What do you remember?”

Tony thought back. He remembered… turkeys, and a madman with a staff. He remembered the ground shaking and fighting those monsters. And then…

“I remember the ground coming alive and attacking us,” He said with a shrug, as though it was an everyday occurrence and not fucking insane. They hadn’t really been that much out on missions after Loki, only a few small ones like terrorist groups similar to the ten rings and such. This “merlin” fella was the first bigshot in a while, and of-fucking-course he had magic.

“Well…” Bruce started. “After the… mage? Brought those _things_ to life, everyone was pretty busy trying to hold their own. I didn’t catch too much of the action, as I was trying to stop the guy from escaping with the quinjet when I see you blast towards him. You hit him and then you were just… gone.”

As Bruce explained, the memories were starting to form in Tony’s mind. He’d fought the man, ended up in… what did he call it again? Mirror dimension? That was a place he was definitely never returning to _ever!_

“A few moments later you poof back into existence. There’s not much more to it than that. You appeared, and the ground-monsters just fell apart.”

Tony hesitated for a moment, feeling an uncomfortable lump in his throat, like his chest was being squeezed all over again.

“And the guy?”

Bruce fell quiet, not meeting Tony’s eyes. The inventor’s fears were confirmed with the silence. Normally, murder wasn’t something Tony kept on his conscience. H had been doing it practically his whole life anyway, be in directly or indirectly. Dwelling on it would drive him insane, he knew, so instead he tried to just let it go or drown it in alcohol. But this time it was different. This time he was-

“Disintegrated,” A too-loud too-familiar voice said. Neither scientists had noticed Director Fury stepping into the room until he spoke. The man held a small file in his hand which he pointed at Tony. “There was barely anything left for the cleaning crew aside from broken streets. Took us hours to find him, and what we found wasn’t much.”

Tony took the file with shaking hands, biting his lip when he held it in front of him. Bruce pushed his chair closer to get a better look.

“His name was Alan Brill. He was a transmitter operator until he disappeared some ten years ago, assumed dead,” Tony cringed at hearing the name. The guy had been completely insane. A normal name like “Alan” didn’t really fit. It made him sound too much like an innocent bystander. He shook his head, instead focusing on the file in his hand. Inside was a bunch of info on this “Alan Brill” character. The usual “where he grew up” and some info about his alleged disappearance. Tony didn’t bother reading it, his attention drawn in on the pictures.

What used to be a human body, was now a burned husk. Scorch marks covered him from top to toe, and he was curling in on himself, mouth open in a scream of pain. The charred, dark skin was in sharp contrast to the pale white teeth. Tony felt his insides turn to ice at the sight, a small voice in the back of his head screaming at him that this was his fault. He’d done this to that man. It didn’t look like it had been a fast death, his body twisted in agony as if he’d tried to somehow keep the pain at bay.

Tony pushed the file away, not wanting to look at the pictures anymore. He’d done that… but how? How had he done that? How had he teleported out of harm’s way in the accident, and then burned someone to a crisp. What the hell was going on? He needed to find the answer _now!_ There simply had to be a logical explanation for it all.

“I thought I said to bring him in alive,” Fury continued, pacing the room while glaring angrily at Tony. Tony flinched at the harsh tone. He felt something curl up inside him, like a snake ready to pounce. Momentary panic gripped him, and he forced it down. The heart monitor let of a small shrill before returning to semi-normal. Fury’s eye trailed over to it suspiciously. He pointed accusingly at the file, now closed, on the bed. “Did that look  _alive_ to you?”

“Director Fury-”

“I wasn’t talking to you, Doctor Banner!” Fury snapped, making Bruce fall back in his chair. Tony looked for any sign of green, relieved to not find anything. It would be a shame to have survived whatever the hell _that_ was, only to get squashed by a giant green hand afterwards. The director was at the end of Tony’s bed now, leaning over it and glaring at him, and Tony found himself thankful he didn’t have to suffer through two of those piercing eyes. He twisted in his bed, muscles tense and stiff. It hurt to move too much, especially around his chest, but at this rate Tony just bit his lip and sucked it up.

“Now. What I want to know…” The director leaned even closer, his knuckles white from his hard grip on the metal fence surrounding Tony’s bed. “… Is how he died. I have over twenty-three eyewitness reports of you and Alan disappearing mid-air, before you reappeared a few minutes later. We had to dig him out of the rubble a few yards away. What, you got a flamethrower conveniently snuck into that suit of yours as well?”

“Not since the first model,” He mumbled, more to himself than Fury, really, completely avoiding any eye contact.

“Then you mind telling me how he ended up as a piece of charred beef?”

Tony didn’t answer, not because he didn’t want to (although he really _didn’t_ want to), but because no matter how much he tried to force his brain to come up with something, _anything_ , it would turn up empty. The result was that he laid there, gaping like a confused fish.

“Director, if I may,” They both turned to look over at Bruce. “It is uncommon, but there are a few documented cases of spontaneous combustion. It isn’t a widely known phenomenon, but it has happened. Although no one’s really had the opportunity to study it because… well… _spontaneous_ , it could be that Tony was just pulled into the wrong place at the wrong time.”

The inventor felt like he could kiss the doctor. How had he ever managed to survive without Bruce? Where he had been all those times Tony had been pulled into the principal’s office for ‘ _misbehaving’_?! Fury stared at the two scientists, face set in a stony mask. It didn’t look like he was buying Bruce’s story. However, before he had the chance to reply, a muffled, but familiar voice rang out from outside the room.

“What do you mean I can’t go in? I have every damn right to be here!” A small pause, where Tony could barely hear the mumbled, slightly scared reply. “My right to be here comes from the contract that _I_ signed with SHIELD, as CEO of Stark Industries, your _biggest_ benefactor! Now you open this door _right now_ and let me see my boyfriend, or I will personally see to it that you’re fired by the morning!”

There was another short pause, before the door bleeped and swung open, revealing none other than a _very_ angry-looking Pepper Potts. She was wearing one of her suits, the one with the long skirt Tony had bought for her as a belated promotion gift. Her face was pulled into an expression Tony couldn’t even identify, but at the same time found himself terrified of. With eyes instantly locking onto her target, Tony swallowed, she marched over to the bed with such speed it made Tony worry that she was just going to trample him down. He closed his eyes, waiting for the yelling that was inbound.

It didn’t come. Instead, he felt her warm hands grab the sides of his head, pulling him up until he collided with soft lips. Relieved, albeit slightly confused, he opened his eyes. On instinct, he allowed himself to be pulled into the sensation of warmth Pepper always brought with her. That was his first mistake. She pulled back, eyes the strangest mix of hard and soft Tony had ever seen. Her mood seemed to do a one-eighty flip back to pissed and before he had the time to say anything in his defence, a hand collided with his cheek. There was a short moment of silence where everyone seemed at a loss for words. Tony brought his hand up to feel his cheek- it had by no means been a harsh slap, especially compared to some of the things he’d lived through in his playboy days, but the shock was still there. Never before had Pepper _slapped_ him.

“What the _hell were you thinking?!_ ” Pepper shouted. Tony was too shocked to even jump back when she grabbed him and pulled him into another searing kiss, this one a lot more teeth than lip. He felt… incredibly confused. “Do you have _any_ idea at all how _worried_ I was?”

“Pep-”

“Don’t you ‘Pep’ me, mister! I was worried _sick!_ When Happy told me, what had happened and… Oh my god Tony are you okay?!” Her eyes were red, as though she was on the verge of tears but… but that wasn’t right. Pepper didn’t cry. She hadn’t cried since he returned from Afghanistan, and those had been tears of joy.

“I… am?”

“Good, because when you get back I will break every bone in your body! How could you do something so _foolish_?!” Tony desperately looked over at Bruce for help. The doctor had pulled away -the traitor!- and was taking it all in from the distance.

“Ms. Potts-” Pepper spun on her heels, facing Fury with an angry scowl.

“And _you!_ You’re the director of _SHIELD_ ! If your _prized_ organisation can’t handle one man alone without pulling the Avengers in, I don’t know if SHIELD is worth sponsoring! If you allow anything like this to happen again, I will personally revoke any and all specialized contracts Stark Industries has with SHIELD, and that includes the benefactor and weapons contracts!” For once, Fury looked at a loss for words, and if Tony hadn’t felt exactly the same, he would have taken a picture to hang down in his lab. Pepper turned back to him, and Tony tensed.

“You better get healed up fast, because you are attending a press conference! This whole ordeal is all over the news and people are asking questions. I don’t care if you tell the truth or not, as long as it sounds good enough for the public to get off my ass about it, got it?!” Tony nodded, not daring anything else. Pepper gave her own, satisfied nod before her face melted into that worried expression again.

“I’m so glad you’re okay,” She said, giving him another kiss before turning and marching out the door. The three men were left in silence, all wondering what the actual fuck just happened.


	12. Chapter 12

It was another three days before SHIELD allowed him to go home. He should be thankful he was wearing the suit, they said, as it had absorbed most of the damage. Tony had scoffed, telling them that was the whole point. He was covered in bruises, especially around his ribs, but thankfully nothing was broken.

Naturally, he had tried to whisk away to his lab as soon as he was out, but found his access to his labs closed by orders of Pepper. So now, here he was. In the backroom of a small stage, just a thin layer of wood separating him from the ocean of reporters with millions of questions. He felt a knot form in his stomach, which was unusual for him since he’d practically grown up in front of cameras and reporters. In fact, he hadn’t felt this scared of facing the mass since he returned from the Ten Ring’s capture. His hands were shaking, barely holding onto the small cue cards he was supposed to be reading from. Tony found himself thankful to have them for once. A slight reassurance than he had something to fall back to should he fuck this up. Damn Pepper for making him do this.

Speak of the devil; Pepper poked her head through the door. A low buzzing came from inside. People talking, reporters sharing stories and theories. He could already hear the clicks and flashes of cameras. Sometimes, being famous really sucked.

“You ready?” Pepper asked with a small smile. Tony sighed, straightening his hair back with his hand.

“As ready as I’ll ever be,” He said, standing from his chair and following his CEO onto the small stage. The moment he stepped over the threshold, the crowd exploded. Flashes from the cameras blinded him, people screamed his name, shouting questions he had no hope of hearing. Tony felt something protective and aggressive surge up in his chest, and promptly stomped down on it. He had started recognizing the feeling by this point, and refused to let it slip up. What he needed was to finish this, get back to his lab and find results.

Tony didn’t even realize he had stopped in front of the microphone before he was flashing his classic newsworthy grin at the camera. If it was stiffer than usual, no one would notice. He sighed- wishing he was miles away- and looked down at the cards.

“Thank you, thank you,” He told the crowd, motioning for them to quiet down. It worked like clockwork, and the journalists and photographers all quieted down. On top of the stage, Tony was god, and his words would be written down and shared with all. It was up to him to make it sound good.

“There’s been speculations about the last Avenger’s battle wherein I was directly involved. Footage was released of me going toe to toe with the aggressor. As a result of this, a lot of people are asking questions as to what happened…” he paused, seeking comfort in the cards. “To this, I can only say… I won. The footage shows me and the attacker disappearing. To sum it up, we appeared in a different place and I beat him.”

It was half-true anyways.

“We don’t yet know what technology he was using, but I can assure you that we are working on that as we speak. I have specialists doing readings on the items recovered from the battle. I wish there was more I could tell you about the situation, but as it is highly confidential, I have probably already overstepped the line. Any questions?”

As expected, the crowd exploded. Questions were thrown at him left and right. Tony gave a strained smile, pointing to one of the prettier ones near the front.

“The Washington Post. Mr. Stark, do you know anything about the man who committed these crimes, and should the public fear more of these attacks?” Yes, Tony knew. Knew more than he wanted to. He’d read Alan Brill’s file over thirty times at least and had JARVIS conduct extra research. If there was anything to know about Alan, Tony knew it.

“I’m afraid I don’t know anything. We are still trying to identify the attacker. As for future threats, it is a possibility we cannot deny. So from now on out, the Avengers are on high alert for any threats similar. Next?”

It continued like this for longer than Tony would like. Question after question, each one sounding the same. It was slowly driving him insane. He was feeling restless, fiddling with the cards hidden behind the lectern. At this point, he was barely paying any attention to the desperate shouts for attention.

Until…

“What about the car accident a few weeks back? Wasn’t Stark Industries involved in that?” Tony froze, only for a split second, but it was enough. The crowd noticed, and soon everyone was whispering, the room buzzing with curiosity. His eyes trailed over the crowd until he found the culprit. A particular nasty journalist he’d had the displeasure of dealing with before. What was her name again? Brown? Something like that.

“I am not here to discuss that matter today,” He said stiffly.

“If not today then when? The public deserves an answer.” Like hell they do.  _ He _ was the one who flew a missile into space to save  _ them _ . The least they could do is listen to him.

“I do believe Ms. Potts has already answered questions about that incident-”

“Are you trying to avoid the question, Mr. Stark?”

“That all depends. Are you trying to bring up a disclosed case Ms. _ Brown _ ?” That earned a small twitch of her lips. The room had gone relatively quiet, everyone listening on the conversation between the reporter and Stark. Right now, Tony couldn’t care less about the others. His chest was rising slowly, trying to keep calm enough as to not make something explode.

“We have free press here in America, Mr. Stark. Or did you not know that?” she replied with a slight edge to her voice that made Tony grit his teeth in annoyance. What had started as a hot one-night stand had all too quickly turned into a nuisance.

“You didn’t say which newspaper you’re from.” The words slipped off his tongue before he could stop them. “Wasn’t it vanity fair? Except wait… they fired you, didn’t they?”

Pepper came up behind him, tugging at his arm. Part of Tony wanted to follow, to just give in now and get off this damned stage, return to his lab and work. But the other part, the much stronger part, urged him to continue. Especially when he saw Ms. Brown’s facial expression.

“Ms. Potts said that the car accident was caused by a self-driving vehicle. One of your own inventions. Does this mean that you are testing possibly dangerous technology in public? Do you not care about the public’s safety?” Tony resisted the urge to growl. She never let go, did she? God, he wanted to walk down there and show how much he hated her. All eyes were on him now, even the cameras had stopped flashing. Tony could feel the atmosphere in the room like a weight on his shoulders, pushing him down.

“The car incident was unintentional. A glitch in the programme that Stark Industries had nothing to do with. If I did not care about the safety of the public, I wouldn’t have flown a throttleable ducted rocket missile into a wormhole,” Pepper was really tugging at his arm now, telling him to get off the stage before he did something stupid. Tony ignored her, too caught up in his conversation with Brown to even notice.

“And we are all extremely thankful for your sacrifice. However, wasn’t the missile sent to destroy the aliens and Manhattan, also sent by the same government agency you work for?” Tony was just about to snap that he was only a consultant when two agents, no doubt sent by SHIELD to keep an eye on him, came out from the sides and yanked the microphone away from him.

“Mr. Stark will not be taking anymore questions,” One of them said while the other worked on escorting a seething Pepper and a very grumpy Tony out of the room.

He said nothing while he was being yelled at, neither by SHIELD agents, Fury on the phone, or Pepper in the car. Their words were blurred and thick, while Tony took refuge in his mind. There, the reporter’s words were echoing loudly, over and over.  _ “wasn’t the missile sent to destroy the aliens and Manhattan, also sent by the same government agency you work for?” _ He didn’t know what to do with that information. Like an equation that was, god be damned, too hard to solve. It churned in his head, around and around, but he couldn’t make sense of it. Because he wanted her to be wrong, but… wasn’t she right? He had never really thought about it before, but SHIELD was working for the same people who had ordered a nuclear strike on their own city with only a small hope that it would actually work. As much as he hated to admit it, Ms. Brown was right.

God, he needed a drink.

“I need to take care of some business in the office. I’ll see you tomorrow.” Pepper said, not really knowing if Tony could even hear her or not. Just as she was about to exit the car, Tony’s hand shot out of its own and grabbed her wrist in a tight grip. Tony was looking at her, a desperately lost expression on his face.

“Please don’t leave…” He all but whispered, trying to pull her back inside. Pepper sighed, shaking her head. Feeling a pang of guilt when she looked into his wide, unsure eyes. 

“I’m sorry, Tony. I need to do this now, try and keep the press in control. I’ll see you again tomorrow, I promise,” She said, gently loosening his grip on her arm. Tony just stared as she closed the car door behind her, told the driver (some young kid Tony didn’t know the name of) to take him to Stark tower, before she disappeared into the SI headquarters. The car started driving again, and Tony turned, defeated in his seat.

It was another fifteen minutes until he got back to the tower. Despite the driver managing to get lost twice, Tony threw a huge (unknown) sum of money at him and left without a word. JARVIS greeted him the moment he stepped through the doors, and took care of the elevator, sending Tony to his lab.

DUM-E was waiting for him in the lab, a smoothie at the ready. Tony made a double check with JARVIS before sticking his tongue in it. He’d had enough of oil in his drinks for a lifetime. A couple of smoothies later, he was seated in front of his suit yet again, buried deep in the wiring of the left arm. It had taken quite the hit in the battle with Alan Brill. The inventor made a note to have JARVIS do some extra research and find out where Alan Brill has spent the last years.

It was hours later, and Tony was soon done with the midsection of the suit, and had placed in the orders for the necessary materials, when JARVIS announced Bruce’s presence.

_ “He says there’s something important he needs to talk about, sir.” _

“Let him in,” Tony muttered, not looking up from the suit. Thanks to the damage, he had had to peel back almost everything and pick out broken pieces of metal that were jamming the screws. The doors slid open, and he heard Bruce’s unsure footsteps approach. With a small sigh, he decided to take a break from the suit for now, and see what his science bro wanted.

“Brucie,” He said, smiling. “What brings you to my humble abode?”

“I need to talk to you. It’s important…” Bruce trailed off, fumbling with a small pad he held between his fingers.

“So Jarvis said. Exactly what is so important that you couldn’t just let J inform me?” Tony asked, raising an interested eyebrow. The doctor shook his head, holding up the phone and tapped the screen three times. A hologram shot out of the phone, taking the form of a small screen full of numbers and words Tony recognized from basic hanging-out-with-Bruce-time. Words like “haemoglobin” and “lymphocyte” were a few of the ones he recognized from listening to Bruce mumble to himself.

“This is the result of your blood test that you gave me a few weeks ago,” Bruce explained. Tony nodded. He remembered that day  _ very _ well.

“Well, aside from a higher amount of troponin T, which is no doubt a result from your… well, your time in… you know…”

“Afghanistan.” Tony finished for him. Bruce nodded quickly. It was a subject they generally tried to avoid talking about, as well as Bruce’s own accident. A mutual understanding between the two that Tony appreciated more than he would admit.

“Yes, that. Anyways. Aside from the unusually high amount of troponin T -which you should watch out for by the way- everything seems fairly normal, right?” Tony’s eyes travelled over the document again, trying to decipher it. After coming to the conclusion that he had absolutely no idea what he was even looking at, he simply nodded.

“Right. Good… But if you look closer here,” The doctor zoomed in on a microscopic image of Tony’s blood. “You can see, there are unknown, microscopic particles that have attached themselves to, and are merging with every single cell”

Now that Bruce mentioned it, Tony could see the small, barely noticeable white dots decking his red blood cells. And Jesus… there were thousands of them. Every cell he saw was covered with small, white dots, blotches of discolouration where they merged into slightly bigger shapes.

“Well, what the hell do they mean?” Tony said, unable to keep the slightly desperate edge out of his voice.

“I… I don’t know. I’ve never seen anything like it. The result of your EEG, these weird… things in your blood. I have no idea what they are.” Bruce explained, looking just as freaked out as Tony felt. The inventor looked back at the image, letting his hand travel through the hologram as if he could somehow touch it, remove the blotches from his body by removing them from the screen. He didn’t know what to think, or what to feel. Again, the horrible blankness fell over him, and all he could feel was lost. A deep, dark hole in his chest. A whole that would never be filled… would never leave him. 

“Does Shield know…?” He mumbled, not taking his eyes off the screen.

“No. I made sure they didn’t get any blood samples while you were out. No one knows but us.” Bruce replied, lifting a small weight off Tony’s shoulders. The last thing he needed was for this information to get in the wrong hands. He nodded.

“Good. Make sure no one finds out. I don’t want this information in the wrong hands. God knows what they’ll do…”

“Know the feeling. I’ll send you a copy for inspection.” Bruce said, tapping the screen again. Tony watched as the image disappeared, and it felt like normality finally dawned on them once again. Just like that, it was over. Like they had just returned to reality again. There was nothing else they could do, at least not at that moment. Tony would sleep, knowing Bruce had his back. That at least he wasn’t completely alone in this. 

“Wanna come help me make dinner?” Bruce asked, catching the billionaire off guard. Normally, Tony would have scrunched his nose up and made a joke about his cooking (which admittedly wasn’t the best in the world). But for once he felt like he needed a better distraction. Knowing himself, he knew that his mind would haunt him with images and memories he’d rather forget. The newest result of his blood sample only adding to the bunch of weird occurrences. Maybe it would do him some good to just take a break from it all, and actually interact with the team he’d decided to share a roof with.

“You know what… sure. Let’s go.” Tony said, finally, getting up from the chair. DUM-E whirred over with a towel, which he used to wipe his hands and face. He would need a shower later, or maybe even a proper bath in the jacuzzi. But for now, the towel would do.

Bruce seemed surprised by his answer, but quickly covered it up with a warm smile. Tony found himself returning it, despite everything that had happened lately. I really did need this, he thought to himself.

“What are we having?” He asked as they moved towards the door. Bruce’s smile widened, reaching his eyes for once.

“I was thinking biryani.” 


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> first of all, i'm sorry for the incredibly long wait for this chapter, only to have it be so short. School is getting really stressfull (I have to hand in 24 pictures, a report, three presentations ect ect) so I hope you'll forgive my lack of activity. 
> 
> But anyways! Here's the next chapter, and I hope you enjoy.

_ He was shaking, unable to stand as the guards brought him to his knees. It was difficult to see anything. Everything around him was blurry, except the faces. Faces of strangers, strangers he felt as though he should know. Something heavy clasped around his neck, and Tony collapse under the weight of it, gravity pulling him down until he was practically lying on the ground, looking up at an old man he recognized, but didn’t know. The guard, or at least that’s what he guessed they were, were dismissed. He heard their echoing footsteps disappearing and the giant doors slamming shut behind them. _

_ The woman was crying, and although Tony didn’t know her, he felt the great urge to crawl to her on his knees and wipe away her tears. However, he couldn’t, chained to the ground as he was. Like an animal that needed to be contained. A rabid dog that would be put down. _

_ Then came the panic, as it always did. He remembered burning hot electricity shooting through his limbs. Water covering his head until he was convulsing, choking, desperate for air. He tried to stand, but the weight on top of him kept him down with no effort. He watched as the woman left, excusing herself with something about being unable to watch what was about to happen. Tony wanted to shout after her, beg her to stay, but couldn’t find his voice. _

_ He looked back at the man, the damned, hated man holding that stupid fucking spear of gold like he was the kind of the universe. Hatred bubbled up inside him, threatening to explode. _

_ “You deserve this you know” Tony’s eyes widened when the man’s face changed, revealing Steve’s mocking grin and sharp smile. “The pain you’re about to feel? The loss you will suffer? You deserve all of it” _

_ “Because you’re a murderer, except you’re not even that.” No… no no no! “A pathetic, slimy maggot, feeding off of the reaps of your own destruction” It was Bruce this time, staring down at him with no emotion, the light of the torches reflecting in his glasses, hiding his brown eyes. _

_ “How high is your body count now? A million? Two million? You had a hand in every war on the planet. Think about all the people you could have saved? Women… children? But no… no they weren’t worth it. Did you even see them as people at all, or were they just a number to add to your non-existent conscience? They were never worth a single “no”, or a small “stop”, were they?” Rhodey sneered at him, moving closer. The room around him withered, golden walls crumbling into rock. Into… no… no not here. Anywhere but here. _

_ Clint grabbed his hair harshly, grinning at him with manic eyes. “What is about to happen is all your fault. Because you could have been a good man, a  _ better _ man. But you were too greedy, too ignorant. The world is centred around Tony Stark, right?! Tony Stark does this. Tony Stark invented that. How does it feel to know that everything you did, everything you will ever do, is all for nothing? Because no matter how much you try to wipe your hands and pretend the past didn’t happen, it will Never. Go. Away!” _

_ Tony watched, as if in slow motion, how Clint morphed into Pepper. How Pepper’s hold of his hair tightened. How she pushed down with surprising strength. Tony didn’t find the strength to fight when the water closed around him, and space opened up before him. She didn’t pull him up, didn’t stop pushing him down, down. Into the tub of icy water. Into the endless nothing of space. She pushed until his entire body was submerged in darkness. _

_ “You are nothing.” The words,  _ his _ voice, echoed around the endlessness of space, growing louder and louder until it felt like his brain would explode. He tried to scream, but no sound would come. There is no sound in space… no one will ever hear him. He was alone. Please no… _

_ “Murderer” Why? Why was this happening? Why him?! _

_ “Greedy killer” Please… please make it stop. _

_ “Merchant of Death” _

An ear deafening rumbling encompassed him, yet the darkness was never-ending. It was closed around him like an iron fist, suffocating and endless. Tony screamed, at least he thought he did. It was difficult knowing with the damned sound, like he was inside the engines of a rocket. Everything felt numb, tingly all over. His skin prickled, cracked with untamed power. Tony wasn’t even able to hold it back, couldn’t think about it when all he wanted was out, out of the darkness, out of this hell.

Something inside of him snapped then. Power, raw energy, emitted from his body life fire. The darkness was blown away, as was the lab he’d fallen asleep in. For a second, everything was just a flash of green fire, and Tony found himself on the floor, surrounded by destruction. What followed was the unusual silence. He groaned, clasping his head between his hands and rubbing the sore spots. He felt weak, worn out. It felt like he had been swimming for days on end, dragged under the water only to finally be able to pull himself out, finally able to breathe again.

He groaned, forcing his limbs to obey him and at least lift him up into a sitting position. Crawling over to a tipped over table, he leant against it, resting his spinning head. God, he felt so weak. He hadn’t felt this weak since waking up in a cave in… no, no he didn’t want to think about that.

Looking around, he tried to get a survey of what the hell had happened. It looked like a bomb had gone off inside his lab. Could that have been it? Some kind of assassination attempt? No… no that didn’t make sense. Deep down, he already knew the answer, though it would be easier to swallow shards of broken glass than admit it. This wasn’t an outside force… which only meant it was him. The complete and utter destruction around him. Lab tables crushed to splinters, some were even on fire. Expensive equipment was thrown into walls with enough force for some of them to stick there. Every single piece of glass seemed to have been pulverised. It seemed like only a few lightbulbs survived the blast, and were flickering desperately, trying to throw light on his situation.

However, all thoughts were cancelled when he heard it. A small whir, glitching and sputtering. It could almost resemble a person coughing, almost. Tony’s heart froze to ice, slowly rising to his throat. He knew that sound… that whir…

No…

No please god…

Another whir, this one weaker than the first.

No no no!

With new-found strength, he managed to push himself onto shaking legs. It took more effort than he felt he could muster, to limber over one of the turned tables. He fell over it, catching himself in the nick of time to save his head, and peered down on the floor. A loud cry broke from his throat, and he toppled over the table, rushing over to the crumbled heap of metal that lay on the floor.

“Dummy!” He sobbed, reaching out for the dented bot. the neck was completely snapped, wires severed and exposed. The body was crushed under some useless junk equipment which had probably cost him a million or two. Tony shoved it off, revealing the exposed circuits of DUM-E’s “body”. It was like looking at a murder scene. A murder scene and he was the killer.

“Dummy, come on buddy” If anything, it came out as a prayer. His hands went to fumble with the wiring in some desperate attempt to put him back together. Maybe if he just connected these two pieces here, DUM-E would at least start moving. That god-awful, broken whirring was currently the only sign of life, and Tony clung to it like it was his own.

“Come on…”

He heard footsteps behind him, rushed and heavy. Someone, Clint probably, swore upon entering, followed by some kind of command from Steve that Tony didn’t even bother acknowledging. He could feel them approach, but didn’t give two single craps about it. Instead, he mumbled to himself, recalling the equations and materials he had back in MIT when DUM-E had first come to be. If the motherboard survived, then he would be able to extract the data and rebuild him.

The whirring slowly dimmed, and Tony found himself yelling at the bot to not stop talking. The horrible fear that if DUM-E stopped making those tiny whirs, he would be gone for good. His hands were shaking, rendering his motor skills useless as he clung to the metal. This wasn’t happening. It  _ wasn’t _ . It couldn’t…

“Come on, ya Dunce. I don’t need a new wine rack now. Come on… just hold on for a few minutes… just a few minutes then-” then what? Some miracle from up above? No… if there was a god out there, it  _ hated _ Tony with a burning passion. A heavy hand was placed on his shoulder, but he shrugged it off with a snarl, not even knowing whose hand it was. It didn’t matter. He had to find a way… had to fix this.

The whirring was down to only once pew ten seconds, he counted. It felt like he was listening to DUM-E’s heartbeat slowly fading. Desperately, he started prying metal plates away to expose more of the insides. The motherboard. He needs to get to the motherboard before it fries.

“Tony, what happened?” Finally, Natasha’s voice broke through his haze. Tony didn’t pause, didn’t even look up at her. His hand slipped, dragging along a sharpened edge of metal. Tony cursed -stupid fucking useless fingers- but didn’t stop grabbing at the metal with clumsy hands. They were shaking to the point where holding things felt like an impossible task.

Someone grabbed his shoulder, trying to pull him away from the machine. Tony hissed, yelled and fought. He could hear voices trying to talk to him, but couldn’t focus. It felt like he was under water, and they were trying to speak. He couldn’t understand, didn’t  _ bother _ to understand. Distantly, Tony was aware they were shouting his name, but he didn’t care. Hands grabbed him, pried him away and he yelled, cried out as the world around him spun at the sudden change in motion. Dark spots danced around the edges of his vision, growing thicker by the second. He was wheezing now, unable to properly breathe, and even then, he didn’t care. Someone grabbed him by the shoulders, shaking him.

The darkness grew closer, and panic rose to battle the exhaustion.

He had to get to Dummy.

People were trying to contact him, fingers snapping around his face in a desperate effort he couldn’t even comprehend at the moment.

Get Dummy…

Tony felt his body, as if he stood on the outside of it all, lean forward and make a mess of someone’s shoes. It took effort to push his body to the side as to not fall face first into his own sick.

Dummy…

With barely any control over his spasming muscles, Tony managed to drag himself an inch towards the whizzing bot lying only a few feet away.

Darkness grabbed him by the head, pulling him under like cold water. Tony was unconscious before he even hit the ground.


	14. Chapter 14

Tony awoke with a startle, eyes snapping open with a sharp gasp. For a second, the unfamiliar surroundings brought panic to his being. It didn’t help that his limbs felt weak, his chest heavy as though a weight had been placed on it. Although he could move, it took more effort than what he was comfortable with. Still, he managed to wiggle enough to a more comfortable half-sitting position. Looking around, he took in the white room. He was back in the medbay. His arm felt itchy, an IV taped securely to his hand. That was… strange. What the hell had happened…

Memories came flooding back. The explosion, the bright green light. Dummy…

Instantly, he tried to force his way out of bed. His limbs barely budged, refusing to follow through with his commands. Gritting his teeth, Tony tried to hold back an angry snarl, cursing his own body’s weakness. Why was this his life? What the hell had happened to change it all so quickly? After a while of struggling, Tony gave into the exhaustion and allowed gravity to pull him back into the bed. He needed to get out of here, but he also needed to regain his strength.

He had to see if Dummy was… Christ, he didn’t even want to finish the thought. Barely able to keep awake, he closed his eyes, giving into a restless slumber while his minds screamed at him that he had to get out of here, had to get to Dummy. Had to…

The next time Tony awoke, he felt a little bit stronger. It was impossible to know how long he’d slept for, as there were no windows in his room. Just the artificial, blinding light from the ceiling. However, it was apparent that someone had been in his room and checked on him. The bag of fluid had been replaced with a newer one, he noticed. And a glass of water had been placed on the nightstand next to him. Tony just stared at it, still too weak to muster the strength to pick it up and actually drink. Heh… he would kill for a drink right now.

He felt nauseous, and for a second he was afraid he would puke, but managed to hold it back.

That was when the door opened, and a shaken Bruce entered. The doctor met his eyes with a small smile that didn’t reach his eyes. Tony didn’t waste any time.

“Dummy…” he mumbled, voice thick and hoarse with disuse. How long had he been out? No, that didn’t matter. One thing at a time. He had to know what had happened to Dummy.

“I don’t know much about AIs…” Bruce mumbled. Tony held his breath, a painfully tight feeling clenching in his chest. “I’m sorry, Tony…”

Tony didn’t react, unable to properly process the words. It took seconds that felt like hours until his brain finally caught up to what Bruce was saying. Emptiness… That was the only way to describe what he was feeling. Like someone had pulled his heart out and replaced it with a big, gaping hole. He didn’t know how to react. What to say. Anything.

“How?” Tony asked, forcing himself to sit up further. Bruce’s expression was grim.  

“He’s been moved to one of the storage facilities. We didn’t know what to do with him… Tony, I’m really sorry. I wish there was something I could do, but…” Bruce didn’t finish. Or he might have finished. Tony wasn’t sure. It didn’t feel real. None of it did. It felt as though he’d been pulled out of his own body. Unable to move, or just unwilling to. Tony’s chest ached, and he just wished he could force himself to feel something. He wanted to grieve, to feel loss and sadness and pain. But all he felt was nothing, and it was killing him. What kind of monster couldn’t even muster up the tears for when his own creation, his friend since fifteen, was…

“Tony… what-”

“Happened?” Tony cut in, shaking his head to rid himself of the fog. “I… I don’t know…”

_ Lies _ .

“Don’t lie to me, Tony” Banner said, voice suddenly stern. Tony stared at him, confused.

“I’m not-”

“Really? Because it seems like you’ve been doing nothing else the past few weeks. What, you weren’t going to tell me about how you magically ended up on a roof when you were supposed to be ketchup on a pizzeria?” He shook his head. Bruce sounded so angry, not the burning smashy green kind of angry, but the cold and dark angry that made his skin freeze under the force of those emotionless pits Banner called eyes. Tony shook his head, swallowing past the painful lump in his throat.

“How did you know…?” He managed, pushing himself away from Bruce.

In the blink of an eye, the image of an angry Bruce Banner changed to that of a confused and worried one.

“Know what?” he asked, voice back to that kind and soft tone. Tony blinked again, shocked at the sudden change. Was Bruce trying to mess with him? He just stared, as if Bruce was about to lash out again. Or laugh at his pathetic face. Instead, the other’s face contorted into worry, and he stepped closer. Instantly, Tony moved further away. What was the he playing at?

“Tony… what are you doing?” Bruce asked, sounding about as confused as Tony felt.

“Don’t- Don’t come near me” He whispered, wanting to get out of bed and out of the room. Everything hurt, but he didn’t care. He just wanted out. Bruce held his hands up in surrender, trying to show that he wasn’t a threat.

_ “Sir, please, calm down. Your body will not be able to handle the stress” _ JARVIS spoke, startling the engineer. The room started spinning slightly, and Tony forced himself to keep upright. Obviously, his attempt was for naught when he was suddenly looking at the room in a different angle. When did the floor get so close?

“Shit, Tony!” he heard Bruce yell. The doctor jumped forward, grabbing him just before his head collided with the hard floor. Tony’s entire body was shaking, convulsing. When did it get so cold in here? A warm hand touched his forehead, pulling back quickly.

“Christ, you’re burning up” Bruce swore, managing to lift Tony back into a more comfortable position on the bed. Tony barely noticed, the world spinning in and out of focus.

“Dammit. Shit shit shit. Ok. Jarvis! We need a medical team down here  _ now _ ! Tell them Tony’s having some sort of attack. Possible brain fever” Tony wanted to pull the covers over himself, but they were quickly yanked away. When he let out low, complaining groan, Banner gave a short apology of “Sorry Tony, we need to cool you down”

_ “They are on their way, Dr. Banner” _ The AI’s voice rang out, loud and clear. The world was blurring, shifting…

For a split second, there was nothing but the endless darkness and distant stars, before the image flickered back, replaced by the hospital room. Tony felt panic rise from his gut. Or was that vomit? The room flickered again, replaced by the void, before he was back in the bed, shivering endlessly. He blinked, confused. His brain somehow unable to keep up with the scenario around him. Unable to come to a logical conclusion for anything. Tony could barely remember where he was, and he had to forcefully remind himself every time the room faded into darkness.

“Stay with me, Tony” He heard the muffled sound of Bruce’s voice. It brought back a stinging pain in his chest, and he wanted to scream. Barely aware that somewhere, somehow, his body was trying to fight off the plausible attacker, he gasped as his chest constricted painfully. Air was entering his lungs, but it wasn’t enough. He couldn’t  _ feel _ the relief of breathing, as the cold air did nothing but sting and burn.

Somewhere far away, a door opened. More people, more arms reaching out for him, suffocating. Tony’s fighting increased, though he was unable to do any real damage. He could barely even lift his arms. Was he screaming? Probably. There was no way of knowing. Everything was so blurred, so confusing. He could feel his bed, but was floating in the void. He could see the blurred and shifting edges of the room, but his body was floating weightless.

And just like that, it stopped. Darkness was dragging at his body, lulling him into it’s soulless embrace. Someone shouting his name, amongst other things, but he didn’t have enough brainpower to focus on it. Warm tendrils of green and gold wrapped around his body protectively. The comforting feeling was almost enough to startle him. It was like sinking into a warm bath after a long day, feeling the heat envelope him. His body ceased it’s fighting, the painful twitching of his muscles drowned out by beautiful, delicious warmth.

He was out within seconds, surrendering to the sensation of safety and fire.

Minutes later, Bruce Banner exited the room. Tony was stable, his fever slowly dying down. The doctors had done what they could, and left with the explanation that he needed rest. As if Bruce didn’t know that, he scoffed. JARVIS had naturally agreed to keep an eye out for his creator, and would alert Bruce should there be any drastic changes.

Natasha was waiting for him by the elevator that would take them up to the common room. Her arms were crossed over her chest, face set in a serious expression.

“How is he?” She asked when he got close enough, and if Bruce wasn’t a genius, he might have missed the small hint of worry in her voice. He shook his head, studying the tips of his shoes. Tony had given him those shoes after his former pair got torn when he transformed into the hulk during the invasion.

“He’s stable… for now at least” He replied, biting his lip. He had promised Tony he wouldn’t give away more information than necessary, but that was before… well, before Tony had somehow managed to blow up his entire lab without getting a single scratch or burn.

“What is going on, Bruce?” Natasha asked, the tone of her voice demanding his direct attention. Unable to really do anything, he looked up and met his eyes. Her eyes were emotionless pits, but Bruce knew better than to fall for her little façade. She was just as worried as the rest of them.

“I don’t know… This is all happening too quickly” He explained, stepping past her into the elevator. She followed quickly, pushing the button to take them to the common floor.

“This all began after Steve found him on the roof…” She said thoughtfully. Bruce nodded. He’d come to that conclusion as well.

“I have a theory… but it’s nothing solid”

“Spill” Said the widow, staring into the wall before her.

“Well, I guess it hasn’t gone unnoticed that Tony’s not exactly been himself lately…” Natasha scoffed, nodding. “I think he might be sick. Well, I  _ know _ he’s sick. But I can’t find any matching disease on earth. He’s showing symptoms I haven’t even seen before…”

The Widow looked at him, eyes unreadable. “You think it could be alien?”

Bruce hesitated. He had promised Tony… Swallowing thickly, he nodded his head.

“I’m not one hundred percent sure, but at this point… is it really that unlikely? I mean, we’ve already fought an alien army. And we have proof that we aren’t the only species out there. It’s a probability we can’t overlook” It sounded so crazy, actually saying it out loud. He neglected to mention the part where he’d gone over the video recordings of Tony while he was unconscious, and heard the man mumble about the void. At first, he’ thought it just residue from what he’d seen when he flew into the wormhole, but in the recent light of things…

“Is it contagious?” Natasha asked, bringing him out of his grim thoughts. Bruce shook his head.

“No, if it was, we’d all be showing symptoms by now” he had checked his own blood, and that of Clint, just to make sure. “At least not through direct contact or the respiratory system”  

The elevator stopped, doors opening to the common room. Bruce followed after Natasha towards the dinner table, where Steve and Clint were already waiting for them. He swallowed thickly, throat dryer than the Sahara Desert. No matter what he did, his thoughts refused to leave the mangled shape of Tony Stark just a few floors below him. There was something he was missing, something important… something Tony had neglected to tell him. And his reaction. The way he looked at Bruce as though he’d just been slapped. He could still remember the haunting look in Tony’s blank eyes when he started backing away from him, scared… It was almost enough to bring out a dark chuckle. Tony Stark, the man who on many occasions had attempted to bring out the Hulk, just to prove to Bruce that there was nothing to be afraid of. The man who hadn’t ever been scared of him, despite knowing what he was…

It was Natasha’s voice yet again, that brought him back to reality.

“We need to get a hold of Thor” 


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long wait. I swear, I have too many projects XD

Tony sat upright, staring down at the tablet in his hands with a blank expression. It had been a couple of days since his “episode”, and he was still bed-ridden. Bruce had come to check on him every day, keeping him company and updated on the world outside. When Tony had requested a Starkpad, so he could at least have something to do while he was trapped in that god forsaken room (another medic room in the span of, what? Two weeks? At least he’d designed this one himself) the doctor had complied at once and gotten him one. At first he had of course focused on overlooking the damage done to Dummy, his heart sinking when JARVIS uploaded the damage report to the small screen. After that, he had started putting the pieces back together virtually, making a list of materials he would need. With any luck, the motherboard had survived at least partly, though he wouldn’t know until he could get a look at it himself. He clung to that hope, and instead focused on the exo-skeleton and wiring that had been damaged beyond repair. Along with the small motor he’d used. For a second, he contemplated exchanging it with an arc reactor, but shook the thought quickly. Dummy was going to be exactly the same way he’d made him all those years ago.

After first two hours of going over everything, piecing together the complex viral puzzle, Tony had been too exhausted to continue, his body still recovering. It was only natural that his mind would drift towards the incident with Bruce. Although Tony didn’t remember exactly what had happened, Bruce’s harsh words stood out clear in his mind. Yet it didn’t match up with the Bruce he knew. It was when he’d seen how hesitant Bruce was acting around him after he’d woken up, the way the doctor used slow and calm movements, that something clicked in Tony. And so, he had asked JARVIS to bring up the video-feed of their last encounter before what was described to him as a miniature seizure. Which was unfair, because Bruce had told him he likely wouldn’t have any more.

_ “Tony, what-” _

_ “Happened? I… I don’t know…” _

_ “I see… well, I wanted to tell you that-” _

Tony watched, for what must have been the fifteenth time, as on-screen-Tony twitched suddenly.

_ “I’m not-” _

On-Screen-Bruce furrowed his brows, seeing the obvious change with concern rather than the rage and hatred Tony had seen.

_ “Tony… are you feeling okay? Do you need me to get you something…?” _ When On-Screen-Tony didn’t give a verbal reply, but started coiling away from On-Screen-Bruce as though he’d been struck by lightning, the doctor’s expression morphed to a kind of scared curiosity. He reached out for on-screen-Tony, slightly waving his hand in front of Tony’s unresponsive eyes. It was creepy, watching himself on screen, unresponsive and deaf to every word that escaped Bruce’s lips. The on-screen-doctor now looked  _ really _ worried, as he continued with an almost desperate plea.

_ “Tony? Tony, can you hear me?” _

_ “How did you know…?” _

His mouth was dry when he finally put the tablet away, arms folding in his lap before him as he thought. Well, tried to at least. He couldn’t quite seem to gather his thoughts properly. It certainly explained a few things, but if he was being honest with himself, it raised more questions than it answered.

“Hey, J?” He said into the room, his voice surprisingly monotone.

_ “Yes, sir?” _

“When did Bruce say I was allowed to leave again?” He asked, glancing wishfully at the door. His limbs were starting to itch with the need to move. Fingers gripping the sheets slightly, wishing for something metal and technical to tinker with. Or maybe for the neck of an elegant bottle of scotch.

_ “Doctor Banner has explained that you should stay in bed for at least two more days before he is willing to start discussing your release” _ JARVIS replied dutifully, although there was a small warning in his tone. Or begging, Tony couldn’t tell.

Two days… two days of sitting in this bed, hooked up to machines and wires with nothing to do. The constant bleeping from the heart monitor didn’t make his stay any easier, the sound slowly but surely driving him insane. As if he wasn’t already.

It didn’t help that he every time he went to sleep, he would wake up covered in cold sweat, horrors still biting at his brain before disappearing, leaving only the fear behind. Fear he couldn’t even understand, because every time he got close to remembering his dreams, it was as if something forcefully yanked the information right out of his brain.

Tony sighed, leaning back into the plush pillow. As he laid there thinking, his hand automatically went up to rub over the bumped skin on his wrists. His thumb followed the harsh patterns absentmindedly, feeling the skin tingle slightly. Thoughts swirled around his head, too fast for the inventor to grasp. Everything, everything that had happened to him, that had led up to this moment.

He wasn’t stupid, despite what Fury seemed to believe. Tony wasn’t stupid or ignorant enough to not feel it… this  _ power _ , radiating just beneath his skin, dormant yet awake at the same time. He didn’t know when he had been able to feel it, though he knew it was recent. Yet it felt like it had been there forever. When he moved, energy trickled through his veins, leaving a strange tingling behind. It was strange, feeling power buzz in his every cell.

Small white dots…

Tony had teleported. There was no other way to describe the incident. This power was behind it, untamed and protective. It had saved his life then, by somehow moving him from one place to another (which was impossible! Yet… it wasn’t). Or when that man, Merlin or Alan or whatever he wanted to call himself. It had… completely destroyed him. Turned him from a person to a burned crisp. The thought scared him, yet one small, locked-away part of him sparked with excite. This was something new, something interesting, and he wanted to learn, wanted to know.

What else could this power do?

It felt incredibly stupid, raising his hand before his face and staring at it. What was he trying to achieve? Following his instincts, apparently. He tried to reach out, trying to somehow contact the power he felt just beneath his skin. It moved away from his grasp tiredly, and Tony could almost imagine an animal that didn’t want to be petted. It felt almost… alive. But at the same time not… Strange. Gritting his teeth, he insisted, focusing on his hand, on the energy buzzing him. That seemed to catch its attention, as he felt something… warmth, pooling just in the palm of his hand. Tony closed his eyes, pulling at the warmth. His head was pounding, some part of him clearly disagreeing with his current situation. Slowly, the pain increased, like needles digging into his forehead. But he was so close… he could feel it, like a wild cat sniffing his hand in interest.

_“Sir”_ JARVIS spoke, snapping Tony’s concentration away. The billionaire gasped, pain releasing it’s vice-like grip on his head. Damn… he had been so close…

“What is it, J?” He asked, sighing. Although the relief that the pain had dulled down to a slightly-more-than-normal headache, the disappointment was still there. It was hard to tell why exactly he was so disappointed. But he didn’t get much time to contemplate it, when JARVIS spoke up:

_ “Your hand has caught on fire, sir” _

Tony’s eyes snapped open, focusing on the bright green flame dancing in his palm, licking almost playfully at his fingers, casting a pale green glow over his face.

Oh god… Oh holy shit! What the fuck?!

He watched, mesmerized as the fire continued to nip and move, dancing organically over his flesh, not leaving a single mark or burn. He hadn’t even noticed! How the hell was this even possible, this shouldn’t be  _ possible! _ None of this should be possible, yet here he was. I shouldn’t have magic, Tony thought, unable to pull his gaze away from the flame. Because there was no other explanation for it. It became increasingly difficult to make his brain work.

_ “Should I call for aid, sir?” _ JARVIS asked, sounding strangely unsure. He shook his head quickly. The last thing he needed was  _ this _ to leak into SHIELD’s ears. He would be locked up before he could mutter the word “Hogwarts”.

“No, don’t. I’m ah… fine? I don’t want anyone to know about this, J” Finally, he closed his fist, diminishing the small flame. “Cut this out from the security footage and place it in a secure folder. Loop the footage if you have to. Just make sure no one knows about this”

_ “As you wish, sir”  _ JARVIS replied dutifully, before.  _ “Ms Romanoff is approaching. Shall I let her in?” _

Dammit. Natasha was the last thing he needed right now. He wouldn’t even be surprised if she could smell the magic (he really needed a better word for it, magic doesn’t exist outside of fairy tales!) in the room. Tony was far more interested in telling Nat to bugger off, leaving him with more time to try and figure out what was going on. But something made him doubt he could afford to be too suspicious right now. Besides, she would probably just try to override JARVIS anyways, so he might as well make it more comfortable for the AI.

“Yeah, sure. Let her in”

A few minutes later, Natasha was leaning against the doorframe of his room, arms crossed over her chest.

“Welcome to my humble abode. Make it quick, I’m a busy man” Tony greeted her. Natasha raised an eyebrow at him, not moving from her spot as she spoke:

“Busy with what?”

“Candy crush. I’m on level three-hundred-and-twelve” He replied, flipping his screen so she could see the game. A small, almost unnoticeable smile, graced her lips. She straightened, stepping closer to him before settling down in the chair next to his bed. For a few seconds, everything was quiet, Tony going back to the game he had hacked.

“How are you feeling?” Nat finally asked. Tony cast her a small glance, not lingering for long. It always felt like Natasha could see right into his soul by just looking at him. He hated that.

“About as fine as one can expect someone who has just had a seizure can feel, I suppose. Why? You worried I didn’t write your name in my will?” Natasha shook her head, and Tony smiled slightly. For once, it seemed the spy wasn’t out to get him, then again, that’s how it had felt when she was posing as his PA as well, so you can never be too sure.

“Are you saying you didn’t?” She joked back. He chuckled, putting the pad to the side. It was easy to smile and laugh, ignoring the threatening hum in his chest.

“I’m not saying I  _ did _ ” Tony continued, smiling at her. His smile slipped off when he saw the dark bags under her eyes. Now that he really focused on it, she looked positively exhausted.

“No, but for real. What are you doing here? You’re not really the ‘flowers and a post card for courage’ type of gal” And just like that, she schooled her features into place, smile fading slightly as her eyes grew serious.

“Fury sent me” She replied, knowing that lying to Tony was a lost cause when he was prepared for it. Which when it came to her, he always was. The inventor sighed, fingers rubbing the bridge of his nose tiredly. Just the mention of Fury’s name was enough to worsen his headache.

“Of course he did. God knows he loves keeping an eye on the problem child. What does he want?”

“A meeting as soon as you can. I told him that he could forget it, but he is very… persistent” Tony’s brain came to a halt. Natasha had… told Fury no? On  _ his _ behalf? That didn’t sound like the Black Widow Tony had come to know.

“Wait… hold on. Go back a few words. Did you say you  _ stood up to Fury _ ?”

“Something like that. I told him it would be difficult for you to attend a meeting, since Pepper has already arranged for you to be brought to Malibu when you get out. She says it would be best if you could get some distance, and we all agree”

Tony could have whimpered with relief. Pepper, that life saviour!

“However, Fury still insists that you come and meet him. I managed to convince him to give you at least a week of recovery before he comes knocking your door down, so we can expect at least three to five days before he loses his patience” The Widow explained. Tony nodded carefully. He would have preferred to not see Fury at all, but he would take what time he could get of freedom.

“Did he say what he wanted to talk about?”

“Isn’t it obvious?” Ok… yeah, kind of. Tony let out another exaggerated sigh, pushing his head into the pillow as though he could just melt into it and disappear. Natasha’s presence was becoming a looming shadow over him, everything was. The tower, the home he had built himself, felt like it would collapse at any given minute. He couldn’t… he had to get to something familiar. Just the mention of Malibu was enough to make him blood sing with need for his  _ home _ .

“I’m leaving today.” He said, reopening his eyes to look up at the blank ceiling that had slowly been driving him mad throughout his stay. Natasha raised an eyebrow, but didn’t say anything. Of course she didn’t. Tony shifted, swinging his legs over the bedside. The floor was surprisingly cold, but he didn’t care. Leaning most of his weight against the bedframe, he balanced himself enough to keep standing.

_ “Sir-” _

“Mute” Tony said, cutting the AI off before he could even finish.

“I agree with Jarvis” Nat said, standing from her seat. Tony rolled his eyes.

“Welp, if I listened to the people around me, what kind of a Stark would I be?” He asked, making his way for the door one inch at a time. With each step he took, he felt his strength return, at least enough to make it out of the room with Natasha at his heel.

“Tony-”

“Don’t ‘Tony’ me, Tasha. Bruce said I need rest, fine. I’ll rest, but I’ll do it in my own home.” The inventor snapped over his shoulder. He paused when he heard the Widow speak:

“I thought the tower  _ was _ your home”

For a second he lingered, oddly conflicted. Something about her words struck him right where his heart was, or was supposed to be anyway. He shook his head, pushing the door open.

“So did I…”


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's taken so long to update, and that when I finally do, the chapter is so short. I've been so busy with school, and then I had writers block the entire summer, and no matter what I did, I couldn't find the motivation to write again. 
> 
> So again, i am so sorry that this is a short chapter. I just wanted to post something as soon as possible. 
> 
> For those of you interested, I've just started a higher education, so I don't know how much time i'll have for writing in the near future, but I'll try my best for you all. So if you're enjoying this story, and want it to continue, feel free to leave a comment. It gives me the motivation i need to sit down and continue this story. 
> 
> Thank you all, and i am sorry for the long wait!

Tony leant against the car window, focusing on the cool glass against his forehead. The day had gone by too fast, leaving him feeling weak and empty. Of course, the others had tried to stop him from leaving, told him it was too soon. Bruce had said he still needed to monitor Tony’s health, but he had pushed his remark aside. If anything happened, Jarvis would be able to alert someone. Cap had also tried talking sense into him, which had been useless.

Tony knew he was being childish, knew he was being ridiculous. But he couldn’t help it. Being around the Avengers was slowly driving him insane. The paranoia was getting to him. Two of them were shield agents, one of them a military lap-dog. The only person Tony really felt like he could trust was Bruce, but he was always being monitored by the shield agents.

“you ok, boss?” Happy asked, glancing at him from the driver’s seat. No doubt he had been informed of what had happened.

“I’m fine, Hap” Tony muttered into the car window, focusing on the world outside. His driver didn’t say anything after that, though he would give the inventor worried looks from time to time, when he thought Tony wasn’t paying attention.

Being back in Malibu was a bigger relief than he had expected. JARVIS greeted him by the door, opening it so he could drag his suitcase inside with less trouble.

The first thing Tony did, after throwing his suitcase into a nearby couch, was to head down to his lab. The familiar scent of motor oil and metal washed over him, filling him with a sense of belonging. You and Butterfingers bleeped happily, swarming him. Tony’s chest clenched painfully as he greeted the two bots. There was supposed to be three…

JARVIS must have been able to sense it, because he spoke up: _“Dum-E will arrive at noon tomorrow, sir. You will be able to start the assembly by then”_

“Thanks, J” Tony replied, forcing his lips to form a smile. His eyes drooped, automatically trailing towards the bed he kept in his lab for late nights. God, he was still so exhausted.

Sighing, he headed back up the stairs.

“Put on some coffee, Jarvis” He ordered, sauntering towards the kitchen like a zombie. The cup was ready by the time he got there, and Tony swallowed it down in three big gulps, ordering Jarvis to make another.

He ended up walking around the rooms, thinking yet not able to grasp his own thought process as he went. His legs were on autopilot, and he must have passed the piano at least ten times by now.

What was going on in his life? Tony was as close to answering that question, as a viking was getting to the moon. He looked down at his fingers, the same fingers that had been on fire only hours ago. The feeling of something different in his veins was enough to make his entire body tingle uncomfortably.

Air… he needed air.

“I’ll be right back, Jarvis” Tony said, hurrying towards the door to the balcony.

 _“Sir?”_ JARVIS questioned, but received no answer. Tony ripped the door open, surprised when it nearly came off it’s hinges. But he didn’t linger on it, instead hurrying outside, across the balcony, down the stairs, until his socks were soaked in the wet sand of the beach below. But he didn’t care, he just needed more air. The wind ruffled his hair, growing stronger and angrier, as though it could sense Tony’s distress. In the distance, he could have sworn he heard music, strangely familiar, but it was too hard to focus.

He didn’t know when his knees hit the sand, or when he stopped moving. The wind howled around him, dark clouds gathering above. Tony sat there, unable to process what was happening around him. His vision flashed, something pulling at his chest. He was back in space, looking up at the monster of a ship- he was back on the beach, wind ripping at his clothes.

It wasn’t until the first flash of lightning, that Tony gasped. It had started to rain, though he didn’t know how long it had been going on. He was soaked to the bone, and the cold was finally starting to bite his skin. The sound of thunder rolled over the sky like giant boulders. Tony got up, legs shaking, before he hurried back to the mansion.

He didn’t like the thunder.

~0~

Bruce sighed, looking out the window of the common floor. A storm was drawing closer and closer, rain building up until the constant tapping of heavy drops against glass, drowned out any other noise. In the distance, lighting flashes suddenly, followed by thunder.

“Alright, get ready, team. We’re leaving in five minutes” Steve spoke up from somewhere behind him. Bruce turned, seeing the captain and two shield agents packing up their weapons. With another sigh, he stood from his chair, leaving an un-touched cup of tea on the table next to him.

Once they were all ready, they headed out of the tower. Natasha drove, heading right towards the centre of the thunderstorm, which had stopped right outside the city.

She parked the car, stepping out of it, followed by Clint and Steve. Bruce waited a few seconds, still unsure about this. They had finally gotten in contact with Thor, but now that Tony had left, it felt more like they were going behind his back than helping him. Logically, he knew Thor was their best bet. Whatever Tony had contracted, it wasn’t from earth. And right now, they didn’t know whether it was killing him or not. Though with the symptoms he was showing… Bruce shook his head, stepping out of the car.

The rain was pouring down in streams, thunder and lighting crackling right above them. Bruce looked around, spotting the others a few meters away. He hurried over, rain whipping his eyes, making it difficult to see properly.

Thor looked grim, though Banner could have guessed that judging by the weather. His expression was stern, unmoving, as he listened to Steve explain why they had called him.

“Do you think you can do something about this weather?!” Clint cut in, having to yell over the sound of rain. Thor gave him a quick glance, and slowly, the rain subsided into a light drizzle.

“So you see why we called?” Thor nodded in reply. Cap continued: “Do you have any idea what it could be?”

Thor was silent for a second, contemplating the answer. From what Banner had learned about Thor, he was much more of a shoot first ask questions later kind of guy. The god had been practically all smiles and laughter during the time they had spent time together, always asking about something earth-culture related. Seeing him now, so serious and… sad… felt unusual and wrong.

“I believe I know what ails our dear man of iron” Thor said finally, voice heavy like lead. The Avengers gathered around closer, all eager to hear the answer they had all been searching for. Bruce bit his lip. Thor looked less than pleased. What if whatever it was that bothered Tony killed him? What if there was no known cure, and they couldn’t help their friend and host?

No… no, he couldn’t think like that. He had to stay strong. If not for himself, then for Tony.

“I do not know how to explain this properly, my friends,” Thor explained. “But from how you explain it, it sounds to me like Stark has… contracted magic”


End file.
